How do I not put my focus on woman anymore?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Krillin1993, Oct 8, 2019.

  1. Krillin1993

    Krillin1993 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed today again and it felt horrible. The last 3-4 months I always fapped once a month only. My situation getting better now than half year before, as i fapped almost every day and every week. But it seems like I can't go further than 30 days. I have started this Nofap journey last December 2018 and I have watched so many Youtube videos about NoFap and NoPMO and I realized that this is the journey I've wanted. Since then I am struggling with loneliness really hard. I don't think I will ever get a girlfriend because of my look. I dont have the prettiest face and with my height with 1,65m no girl wants to have this type of guy like me. And if it is not the tip of the iceberg, I also am a shy person and an introvert. People always say that I need selfconfident and selflove but somehow I dont know about myself how this should work.... I am really sad to know that I have to be prepared to die alone. The result is struggling with loneliness. And knowing this fact makes me really sad that I've cried the last couple of weeks, every day and every night for some minutes. I always see partners on the streets walking hand by hand and this makes me really depressed and sad again that I asked -where is my love and where is my place on earth?-.
    Maybe I will keep on crying, maybe I am not worth it,...who knows.
    What I experienced is: When I feel lonely I always tend to watch female Youtubers like some ASMR Channels or staring at some pictures of Instragram beauties.
    Maybe you guys will think "you are the classic looser" and probably you are right.
    On the one hand I am struggling with being lonely and on the other hand I am getting arroused after 2 week to every beautiful woman. Therefore I continously have precum. It would be easier for me never think about woman. Not even a single seond even when they are all beautiful.
    I dont know what to do anymore. I've tried to be religious but it seems like even god can't help me out and started to be Agnostic. How do I get rid of this psychological desaster? Of course I wont give up. But I am not motivated anymore as before.
    I have no power anymore. I am so damn depressed. If you know any advice for me or you guys were at the same situation then please help me.
    I really would apreciate it. Thank you.
     
    Ajikan, happah, tznk and 2 others like this.
  2. BeFree33

    BeFree33 Fapstronaut

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    Wow. Its like we're the same person. Everything you said is what I've been experiencing. Ive been having a bad streak of relapsing after a month this whole year.. I too am short.. and introvert. And have bouts of loneliness nearly every day. Any yeah whenever I see a beautiful woman.. I instantly feel pain and loneliness, thinking that I'll Never have that an I'm not worthy enough. Im just letting you know you're not alone. If I had any advice.. it would be to Never let Your Guard Down. Sadly.. for us. 1 month is not enough for significant change. I've had several 90 days streaks and I can say it does get better, but sometimes its also difficult. You just have to push through.

    But I also have thought.. perhaps.. PMO is not the issue. You feel loneliness. Thats your brain telling you to seek out meaningful connection. What we have been doing is self-medicating with PMO, satiating the need for connection. But this is not a healthy way to resolve this. If you're like me then you tend to place woman on a pedestal. But that's not healthy nor attractive. Work on yourself.. be your best.. and the girls will come. One of the best ways that I've learned to feel better, is to not be afraid of making new friends and putting yourself out. I always feel much better after socializing with friends. And also we need to stop with the negative thought patterns, They have a bigger effect on mood than you think. Life is not what happens to you, but how you respond to it.
     
  3. kosoyey

    kosoyey Fapstronaut

    If you constantly precum just by looking a dressed Youtube girl then you have not healed from PMO or whatever you had.
    I had the same issue if not worse. I can tell you that you must go monk mode until the continuous precum stops. I've noticed that it literally drains both your body and your soul. I had terminal PIED until I had that.
     
  4. Freeddom_Taker

    Freeddom_Taker Fapstronaut

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    It's the porn and explicit images from social media which make you lusty after women. porn is evil and must be cut from your life if you want to attract females. Women can sense if you're genuine or have lust for them. porn make you think females are easy to have sex with... even pornstars they have to talk to them before shooting. So everything takes time before succeeding. If I were you, I would ban porn in my life and cut any triggering contents in order to regulate dopamine to baseline.
     
  5. Quoowahb

    Quoowahb Fapstronaut

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    Trading in porn for porn substitutes probably isn't doing you much good. Make some plans for your life. Exercise. Join a meet-up group. Become a carnivore. Become a vegan.
    For me, porn makes me feel like I am doomed to be a voyeur and never actually participate; I was cuckolding myself. After giving up porn and getting to know a woman, I was kind of surprised when we actually had sex.
     
  6. redbluegreen

    redbluegreen New Fapstronaut

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    Hi. Saw your post and had to make an account to post. I'm basically on the same boat as BeFree33 and Krillin1993. I'm 26. Lived on my own for nearly 10 years! Also short, about 166cm. Girls don't even notice me. So it's been pretty lonesome. And yeah, I want to better my life but I just don't know-how. Nofap just seems to unlock so much burden and anxiety and fear about the future that I could be alone and yeah it is easier to run and jack off and forget, and that does sound like the immoral cowardly thing, I am aware of that. But when I just get lightning struck by this intense depression and I just don't know what to do it seems eternal until I willingly 'forget'. Then start beating myself up about that as well.

    Man... Like, I just have so much anger. I totally feel cheated. Like, I've only kind of somehow caught on how fucking influential height actually is. I'm amazed at how it escaped me so much. And I can't help but feel my parents are partially to blame. Be it my alcoholic mother constantly feeding me sweets all throughout my childhood to justify her addiction because she needs other people to enjoy themselves otherwise "it feels like she's an alcoholic", which is obviously bad to the point if I didn't eat the sweets she'd find them and that'd be another reason to become aggressive and have a fight. Or my betabux father trying to prove he's a tough guy to his second wife by heavily regulating my sleeping patterns despite heavily suffering from insomnia to the point it's 2-3 hours of sleep literally all throughout my growing years. Not to mention being raised on sweets gave me lots of acne which then became anxiety and I'm reading cortisol suppresses testosterone which is vital for growing boys. So basically I got fucked by a pair of fucking useless idiots that got lucky in life with wealth and are completely oblivious to what I'm going through. And this all happened before they told me to "fuck off" into the real world having no grades always dealing with insomnia or fights at home. And what the result is is just this depression of this realization which I guess I blanked out because I don't know what else to do? And when I try nofap it just strikes so hard. Like I as you said, I too can't even go outside and help but notice every partner, the girl is shorter than the guy, and because of my revelations with MGTOW, it's like every short pretty girl already has like 40 ex's so that's obviously a bomb site no-go. And yeah I can't help but feel, fuck all job market, no prospects, no girlfriend, wondering how long I can tolerate the feeling of downness.

    I'm not looking for sympathy, I just want to know if more people relate and to see if they can give any advice other than what I could probably guess or have already tried. Have you or are you in this situation?
     
    tznk likes this.
  7. tznk

    tznk Fapstronaut

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    Hi! This is my first post/comment in this NoFap journey with others. Been through the journey of NoFap since I was 15 (I'm 22 now), I guess. I remember feeling very bad after PMO back then, and from then to now, I've been trying to quit this addiction. I don't know if there's anything I can say that will change someone else's life, but I've noticed that one of the things that help the most - even more than advices and self-help - is reading other's experiences, real life stories, of people like me!
    I don't know if I can relate to the life experiences of the ones above me, because in public, I've never felt lonely. I've always had friends at school, had some dates and girls I hooked up with. Just a regular guy. But inside of me, I had this PMO problem/addiction (I didn't know I was addicted then). This harmed my relationships, I could never get on a serious relationship with a girl, just a couple of dates and that's it, we would break up, stop talking to each other etc etc. The main reasons were me trying to skip to sex too fast, and making the girls flee, or just me losing the interest because of the 'sexualized' idea I had on girls, always wanting another one, a "hotter" one.
    Nowadays, I'm engaged! I'm the guy you see across the street hand in hand with a beautiful girl. However, deep inside, I'm going through the same problem as you. Since my wedding is getting closer and closer, and I keep on having relapses, not making through the 30-day streak, I felt that it was time to take things seriously. I think I've never been honest, open, and sincere to someone about this problem of mine - a problem that I deal since I was 11.
    So, I think that no one is worse than others. Comparing to others is harmful, because it is impossible to know what really goes on - for real - in that person's life. Everyone shows what they want others to see! Don't fall for appearances! By reading what you guys have said, it is likely I'm the one you look and think "that guy is great! He has no problems! Why do I have such a pathetic problem/addiction? I'll never be like him", when in fact, I'm in the same journey as you!!
    Fight for it! Be grateful for what you already have!
    Sorry if I said something wrong, or if I sounded cocky or something. Just felt like sharing a slight of my deepest thoughts.

    ps. sorry for my English, non-english speaker here.
     
    MrSalvatore001 likes this.
  8. the alpha project

    the alpha project Fapstronaut

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    Nofap does not change your life.

    You start with Nofap because PMO is preventing you from changing your life.

    Nofap Does not change your life. It removes a major obstacle to being able to change your life.

    Nofap is what opens the door. It is up to you to then walk through it.

    Develop yourself. Go to the gym. Practice being funny. Say hello to strangers. Join a club. Learn something. Find people who are in trouble and help them. Just do something. Anything.

    Do something with your life. Stop complaining. Stop whining. Stop crying. Stop blaming.

    You are a human being and you can do so much more than staring at the world. Wake the fuck up.

    Stop hiding.
    Go now. Talk to someone. Anyone. Smile at them.

    You have to rescue yourself.
     
  9. Joseag2010hn

    Joseag2010hn New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, my name is Jose, i am from Honduras

    Good. I read your post and you remember me an years before, i was having the problems with girls, never a girl watch me.

    My fix to the problem? Reading A BOOK.

    Find this in Amazon Market
    Become-Alpha-Male-John-Alexander-ebook

    Yeah!!! , two day after read book, a women sleeping with me, an a three months laters i can lover to mother of my little daughter.

    Seriously, read the "guide".

    Regards from Honduras
     
  10. 2help

    2help Fapstronaut

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    You have incalculable value! Your self worth is not a function of what any human thinks of you. Recognizing what you are doing wrong is the first step and you are doing that but stop short of deeming yourself to be good/bad/ugly/handsome/smart/dumb - whatever. Your outward appearance has nothing to do with your self worth.
    Women, like men, want to be loved. True love is hallmarked by kindness, understanding and care for other's well being and happiness. Stop dreaming about women with pretty faces and shapely figures, these are not the attributes which guarantee true love. Indeed, those women who are devoted solely to their appearance are not ready to give true love. Don't seek them out. A woman desirous of true love and capable of giving true love is not seeking a man who is focused solely on her body and sex. Your lust for women is the thing that prevents you from finding a girlfriend and a soul mate. Women can spot a guy whose heart is filled with lust at the very first glance.
    I am recovering from 48 years of porn addiction. I made the 100 day goal thanks to ultimately recognizing the fact that I wanted I to continuously lust for women. I filled my mind with images and thoughts of lust day and night. No amount of determination to quit PMO was ultimately successful until I recognized that I wanted the lifestyle I was leading. Fascination with porn is only a symptom of the problem, it is not the cause. It wasn't until I learned to hate my continual lust for women's bodies as the true root cause of my problem that I found some success. I doubt temptations will ever cease entirely but I have learned and continue to build my ability to guard my eyes and my thoughts and I have found true love and self-esteem along the way. God loves you unconditionally and no human, including yourself, is fit to judge you. You are valuable! You have incredible potential and you are loved!
     
    Upperoom120 likes this.
  11. Upperoom120

    Upperoom120 New Fapstronaut

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    I agree. Porn isn't the problem. My lust for woman, my correlating sex with love made me seek porn as an easy substitute. I want to feel loved and desired, but I wanted to be loved and desired by hot young girls. This was a God given nature desire for young pretty girl, but I learned from the society that sex is something to be enjoyed with whomever I feel like it, but without the context of marriage. So this quest became a quest itself, and the desire morphed into a lust, an abnormally enlarged desire, morphed into instant gratification with porn and more porn. The society teaches that if the relationship has issues, I should just breakup and seek a new one. How wrong I have been. How misleading all these movies and dramas portrayed what normal sexuality is.

    I keep relapsing every 2 to 3 days. I am trying, and I want to quit. But whenever I feel bad, feel lonely, feel terrible, feel hurt, rejected, abandoned, isolated, I can't help it but to seek it out. No amount of praying or seeking God seems to be enough at a moment like this. Please help.
     
  12. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    What you're asking is to not be human. Sorry but male humans are into women and are hardwired in your DNA to have s*x. It's hardwired to almost all living things who reproduce sexually. The only way I'd see you ridding of it is either really going hardcore and gaining a hatred to sexual activities and or women or isolating yourself from civilization. Sorry man but it's in our DNA to have sexual urges for the opposite sex and nowadays same sex.
     
  13. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    Porn isn't evil wtf? How tf is porn evil? So people having sex is evil? So basically every parent is evil?
     
  14. Freeddom_Taker

    Freeddom_Taker Fapstronaut

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    Having sex the nature way versus something artificial are two different things. Watching porn can turn into habits then into addiction. When you want to quit, it will be difficult. Also it will make you objectify the opposite sex. Basically porn can mess up real relationship with a partner. It could mess up your dopamine receptors and give severe withdrawals when you trying to quit.
     
  15. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    Nope wrong. Millions of people watch porn and masturbate and they don't have issues. It's always the person who decides whether to abuse or use it moderately.
     
    TheForsakeen likes this.
  16. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    Porn also won't mess up your relationship lol. That's why couple porn pages are popular. Especially this girl Loulou. she and her bf are in the top 10 and have been for months. They're a couple doing porn and doing a bunch of sexual stuff.
     
  17. aymane29

    aymane29 Fapstronaut

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    Best Tip: Learn Meditation, Yoga and practice them, subscribe to Sadhguru in YouTube :)
     
  18. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

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    From what iv read if you can go on for a few month withous sex/masturbation/porn you will gradualy lose desire.
    Just avoid explicitly erotic book or movie and you'll be fine.
     
  19. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    You'll still get urges to procreate. It's in all our DNA man. We evolved to require procreating to spread our genes.
     
  20. 2help

    2help Fapstronaut

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    Certainly all living beings have a compulsion to reproduce but humans have the capacity to control our thoughts and our actions. We may be hard wired to reproduce but we can choose when and with whom we do so and the reboot is the means to make that "hard wired" connection one that is balanced with other important things. We are also hard wired to seek water, food and shelter but most of us don't spend every waking moment looking for an ever more attractive shelter, for example. If you are reading these posts you have a desire to control your thoughts and your actions because you know something about the negative side of porn addiction. One of the most damaging consequences I have found is that a mind which is dominated by porn is one that is trained to go and find pleasure producing endorphins when confronted with a challenge. Consider what it takes to learn a difficult subject whether it be math, language, music, philosophy, whatever. A mind that is trained to seek pleasure at the expense of all other things will struggle to learn new and difficult subjects because at each instant the addicted mind it is confronted with a challenge it will seek pleasure instead of applying itself to the new challenge. If we can't work through a problem we find difficult, how can we ever achieve things that are worthwhile? We may be hardwired for sex but that doesn't mean we can't control ourselves and plenty of people have proven this can be done. Don't give up. Don't give in to the porn business's false premise that what they present is just natural behavior. We aren't feral animals, we are humans endowed with beautiful high potential brains that are capable of great things.
     
    tznk likes this.

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