How do I stop my craving for a gf ?

Kman20

Kman20

Fapstronaut
I seem to get infatuated with every girl I meet and talk to. One girl in particular who has been my friend for a good while now I’ve become so infatuated with since the time we’ve met. Probably because we have so much in common but I spend like the entire day thinking about her, I’ve even had dreams about her. I want to get over this infatuation I have of her because I really want us to JUST be friends and that’s all she wants of me too(she has a bf that she’s very commited to) I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.

I feel like I’m being needy with her and just trying to get her to like me and please her whenever we talk. I just want to be my authentic self with her and have us be friends because I feel like if I got over this infatuation we’d be like the best of friends honestly. But my feelings are making it hard for me to be myself. How do I get over this obsession and stop hoping for something more than a friendship with this girl ? Please help (also she has no idea about how I feel). I just don’t want to think of her as a potential girlfriend anymore like I do with almost every girl that I meet.


How do I stop my obsession with her or just my obsession with wanting a girlfriend in general. Having a partner I can connect with and spend time with is like all I spend my time thinking about. I was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety so I know these probably attribute to it. I think I seek comfort and companionship and that’s why I turned to porn so now that that is gone I’m moving that craving towards my female friends and potential ruining all of my female friendships.

I think if I wasn’t depressed and craving company so bad I wouldn’t like my friend in the way that I do now ? Like I recognize that these feelings aren’t real it’s just my depression and loneliness that’s manifesting them ? My reasonings are negative because I feel like almost any girl would do, I just get attached so fast if I relate to them. Maybe if I was mentally healthy I’d be fine? What do you think ? Your thoughts and advice would be much appreciated guys :) also sorry for the long post this has just been really bothering me lately, please help thanks.
 
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It's totally natural and good to want a partner you can connect with - everyone does.
One thing that is more important though is figuring out how to know and like yourself - how do you do that? By healthy habits - seeing the good in things / hobbies and loads of other positive stuff.
In my view getting a partner is a kind of bonus - you get a good relationship with someone else only after you have one with yourself.
 
Kman20 said:
I seem to get infatuated with every girl I meet and talk to. One girl in particular who has been my friend for a good while now I’ve become so infatuated with since the time we’ve met. Probably because we have so much in common but I spend like the entire day thinking about her, I’ve even had dreams about her. I want to get over this infatuation I have of her because I really want us to JUST be friends and that’s all she wants of me too(she has a bf that she’s very commited to) I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.

I feel like I’m being needy with her and just trying to get her to like me and please her whenever we talk. I just want to be my authentic self with her and have us be friends because I feel like if I got over this infatuation we’d be like the best of friends honestly. But my feelings are making it hard for me to be myself. How do I get over this obsession and stop hoping for something more than a friendship with this girl ? Please help (also she has no idea about how I feel). I just don’t want to think of her as a potential girlfriend anymore like I do with almost every girl that I meet.


How do I stop my obsession with her or just my obsession with wanting a girlfriend in general. Having a partner I can connect with and spend time with is like all I spend my time thinking about. I was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety so I know these probably attribute to it. I think I seek comfort and companionship and that’s why I turned to porn so now that that is gone I’m moving that craving towards my female friends and potential ruining all of my female friendships.

I think if I wasn’t depressed and craving company so bad I wouldn’t like my friend in the way that I do now ? Like I recognize that these feelings aren’t real it’s just my depression and loneliness that’s manifesting them ? My reasonings are negative because I feel like almost any girl would do, I just get attached so fast if I relate to them. Maybe if I was mentally healthy I’d be fine? What do you think ? Your thoughts and advice would be much appreciated guys :) also sorry for the long post this has just been really bothering me lately, please help thanks.
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Hey man, I have an idea for you why don't plan to take a trip with a friend?-not a woman of course☺- you will be refreshed and who knows maybe you will meet interesting people.
 
Hey man,

I think to some extent a lot of this is natural. Whether or not I'm interested in a relationship with them or not, I'm attracted to all my friends that are girls. I think that's one of the big differences between your guy friends and girl friends. We're naturally attracted to girls. But even tho I'm "attracted" to them, it doesn't change our friendship. Friendships with girls aren't meant to feel how they do when you're chilling with the bros.
Also, after PMOing it's hard not to sexualize girls.​
 
i am not positive this will help you. i am the wife of a PA
But i will try...
You said your self
Kman20 said:
Like I recognize that these feelings aren’t real it’s just my depression and loneliness that’s manifesting them ?
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Your trigger for the thoughts your having about your friend are from you depression and loneliness. THATS HUGE! you figured out one of the hardest parts of the PA ( the why/the trigger). now you need to find a way to squash your trigger.
Have you seen a dr for depression? you could try that. or a therapist.

other methods could be to get a hobby. Do you like riding a bike?, hiking? walking? building things?
Find things that make you happy. ( thing is you may meet a girl you actually like at a class ( for your hobby) or something too.)

your brain is trying to trick you and make you think you have to want her. Guys and girls can be just friends. I typically only had friend that were guys. i simply related to them better. many with whom there was a mutual strictly platonic friendship.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/how-addiction-hijacks-the-brain
this is a great article that explains addiction is the brain.

i am not sure any of this helped. but i hope it did
 
SpouseofPA said:
i am not positive this will help you. i am the wife of a PA
But i will try...
You said your self

Your trigger for the thoughts your having about your friend are from you depression and loneliness. THATS HUGE! you figured out one of the hardest parts of the PA ( the why/the trigger). now you need to find a way to squash your trigger.
Have you seen a dr for depression? you could try that. or a therapist.

other methods could be to get a hobby. Do you like riding a bike?, hiking? walking? building things?
Find things that make you happy. ( thing is you may meet a girl you actually like at a class ( for your hobby) or something too.)

your brain is trying to trick you and make you think you have to want her. Guys and girls can be just friends. I typically only had friend that were guys. i simply related to them better. many with whom there was a mutual strictly platonic friendship.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/how-addiction-hijacks-the-brain
this is a great article that explains addiction is the brain.

i am not sure any of this helped. but i hope it did
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Yeah I’ve been seeing a doctor for my depression but I feel it’ll be a long process, it’s having it’s ups and downs more frequently the downs lately.

I guess I could try to find something fun to do that make me happy because at the moment the only thing that really does that for me is talking to this girl.

Your reply was very helpful thank you I appreciate it (:
 
Troels. L said:
You are relying on girls to make you feel good. It's basically a sign that you may not be that happy or have a lot of positive things going for you. Fill yourself with positivity :) The girl thing should be a bonus :)
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Thank you man, this might be a stupid question but what are somethings I could do to do this ?
 
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When I was a bit younger I made the mistake of confusing wanting a companion with simply wanting sex. I later realized how foolish this was, and it explained why I got so easily attached to any attractive women that I spoke to more than once.
 
I can relate to a painful situation like yours. This might be hard to hear but you either need to tell her how you feel or move on. If she really is in a committed relationship with someone else and you want to stay really close friends I think you'll be setting yourself up for a lot of heartbreak and future pain.

The other option is to tell her how you feel and win her over. Based on your description I think you might have stronger feelings for her than just friendship ones.
 
Kman20 said:
Thank you man, this might be a stupid question but what are somethings I could do to do this ?
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Listen only to uplifting positive music :) Find some hobby, mountainbike, chess, painting. Preferably something that puts your attention outside yourself, something that is greather than you.
 
LetsGetEm said:
Hey man,

I think to some extent a lot of this is natural. Whether or not I'm interested in a relationship with them or not, I'm attracted to all my friends that are girls. I think that's one of the big differences between your guy friends and girl friends. We're naturally attracted to girls. But even tho I'm "attracted" to them, it doesn't change our friendship. Friendships with girls aren't meant to feel how they do when you're chilling with the bros.
Also, after PMOing it's hard not to sexualize girls.​
Click to expand...
Relating to this comment on a real level especially the "after PMOing its hard not to sexualize girls." I started to use a girl for sex and when she didn't want to see me anymore it's like I'm having withdrawals. It's because I am sexualizing her like crazy and also relying on someone else to make me happy. lesson fucking learned
 
Best way of forgetting a crush is:

Getting a new and better one!

I know you dont want to, but idealizing someone isnt the best thing to do. We can private chat if you want to talk more.
You know what may help? Be a narcissist regarding romantic love, learn how to trick your brain in rewarding you only by your time alone. Be like Tyler Durden. Relate to the girls but TRULY believe that you are the best person in this world to be around with. Be a sociopath, cut emotional feelings of your life if needed to.
 
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