How do I stop victim mentality?

pantuflasdecoco

pantuflasdecoco

Fapstronaut
I haven't logged in all this year, I guess I just abandoned this site due to changing views on NoFap. I haven't seen pornography all this year since December 30th, so now I'm on day #280 without P.

Nonetheless, I still consider this site a great community for discussing mental health issues, personal improvement, etc.

A lot of things happened this year, and I improved a lot of things, but I still struggle with the victim mentality. How can I definitely overcome it?
 
pantuflasdecoco said:
I haven't logged in all this year, I guess I just abandoned this site due to changing views on NoFap. I haven't seen pornography all this year since December 30th, so now I'm on day #280 without P.

Nonetheless, I still consider this site a great community for discussing mental health issues, personal improvement, etc.

A lot of things happened this year, and I improved a lot of things, but I still struggle with the victim mentality. How can I definitely overcome it?
Click to expand...
In what way do you become the victim?
 
Long story short... the victim mentality / mindset comes up all the time, sometimes when I compare myself to another person, or whenever I see a person achieving something, I always think stuff like

"but in my case that wouldn't been possible, because of my parents, my childhood, the way I was raised, my neighbourhood, my whole family, the lack of role models, the lack of positive and solid friendships, etc. etc., because all of that, in short, because of my past, I never developed the necessary skills that I need now, in order to do this or that"

that is in short the argument, the idea.

I acknoledge these as excuses, as thoughts that do nothing but stuck me, but it seems I haven't found yet a strong idea or mindset, or built a strong "mental base" sort of speak, to overcome these thoughts.

My self esteem is incredibely low. My biggest problem I guess is that I feel an incredible amount of shame, shame of everything, shame of mere existing sometimes. A big part of this is (just describing, not for the sake of blaming) the physical presence of my father at home. In the worst days I don't even raise my voice at home for shaming that someone would hear me.
 
I'm tired of blaming other people, of not taking responsability for my own life, and I want it to stop.
But at the same time, I lack any place or person to whom open myself and talk about all these things. And I need to talk about all this.

At some points I did have people who listened and supported, but I sort of fed up friendships of so much talking about my pains.

But for some reason I'm stucked and it feels like I just can't move on. And I still need to talk about all of this, and this cycle seems to go on forever.

That's why I'm starting to think that everything really comes down to having a victim mindset, that doesn't allow me to go forward.

Next friday I start a new therapist, and it's really my only hope for now.
 
Have you tried a 12 step program.

That's a list of issues that we all share in some form or fashion.

You mentioned shame. This tells me that you are stuck at some point and havmt dealt with the root "causes" or habbits hurts and hangups.

280 days is an impressive streak, but white knocking is not a very successful recovery strategy. Not to say you haven't made strides.

But these habbits are not something that we can shove to the back of our minds and make them go away. Often times it takes help and surrendering to a higher power of whatever you believe in
 
pantuflasdecoco said:
I haven't logged in all this year, I guess I just abandoned this site due to changing views on NoFap. I haven't seen pornography all this year since December 30th, so now I'm on day #280 without P.

Nonetheless, I still consider this site a great community for discussing mental health issues, personal improvement, etc.

A lot of things happened this year, and I improved a lot of things, but I still struggle with the victim mentality. How can I definitely overcome it?
Click to expand...

My suggestion is not a quick-fix solution but one that will definitely give you some new perspectives on your mind:
-Read a lot of self-improvement books, biographies and success stories about successful people and you will notice that all of those people had immense and long-term struggles. Not only with others but with themselves and their mind/psyche especially. You will be able to see how those people shifted their perspectives, attitudes and way of living in order to get themselves out of the trench.
-Whenever you feel that victimhood-mentality taking you over again, always keep in mind that there are millions of people worldwide who have it much worse than you do and many of them get by quite well anyways.
 
Sounds like you don't have much confidence in yourself achieving what you want to achieve. This may be because you are setting goals you feel are unachievable. Try setting goals you feel you can achieve, and recording your achievements. Also become your own best friend. Encourage yourself at every opportunity, cheer yourself up, and empathise with yourself when you are feeling pain. Most of all forgive yourself for mistakes past present and future. Try to accept yourself as you are now, and put a good deal of thought into what you want to change, if that is your goal.
 
Sorry that was a autocorrect

White knuckling... basically bearing down and hanging on to something like sobriety by mostly just making yourself abstain through shear will power.

I attend a 12 step group with celebrate recovery, but there are many options.
SA
SAA
CSAT therapist
Even AL-ANON could help if you had parents that were alcoholics

Not saying a person cant recover on their own, but it's much easier to do it with others who support you.

I like CR myself, I find that with my issues and need for support, if I cant be open and honest and recover in the closed confines of the group and the church, what hope do I have of doing it alone on the outside world.
 
I struggle with this every once in a while too, but I would say every time you feel that way try to do one thing a day that would help you overcome it. If you feel like your unhealthy, slowly alter one thing you eat or drink every day until your satisfied with you diet. If you feel like your not good looking enough, buy some clothes that make you feel great or slowly incorporate a home workout routine by looking up videos that can teach you how to be fit, eventually making it to the gym further down the line and lifting weights. The list can go on.

If you feel like you are in a rut you just got to take small steps every day to try to change yourself. I blamed my anxiety, social standing, lack of good looks, lack of money, lack of a lot of things for what I got myself into but I just got to keep slowly working towards a brighter future for myself and trying to fight back the negative feelings. It's tough at times, but I'm sure you can do it. Whenever I get a negative feeling or a feeling of me fantasizing about porn or girls I try to redirect my attention elsewhere by getting up and moving around or do jumping jacks. Just need to keep yourself busy with productive things and negative thoughts and feelings will go away, along with your victim mentality cause I've been there.

Our society isn't kind to people who paint themselves as victims, but everybody can help themselves if they have a little guidance here and there. Unfortunately some people have no guidance at all. I watched plenty of YouTube videos on various topics to gain the knowledge I needed to help me get out of the rut I'm in. I'm still in it, but I'm feeling better knowing I'm taking steps towards bettering myself. Hope you can slowly empower yourself and breaking free from that sort of mentality.
 
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