How do I support him if he thinks it's "normal"?

Wow this must be extremely difficult for you as woman to go through. He needs help, and he is the issue. You lady are not. Have you confronted him about this? Is his reaction just sympathetic then does it behind your back like you guys aren't married? I suggest as hard as this may seem but tell him it has reached a point to where he needs to stop and get help and you will support him through this. If not your marriage will remain stagnant and fruitless. If this is the same man you fell in love prior to marriage he will realize this is really affecting you and needs to do something about it in order to stand up and fight like a man should for his bride.

Good luck and I will be praying for you

 

I am sorry. I suppose you need to let him know that its not great. Maybe show him the science behind why its not good. See after awhile we start to rationalize well if everyone else is doing it then why not. But everyone else isn't really doing so great watching it. So something worth thinking about. I suppose something I should say is its not you its him. His journey to quit his problem his baggage. Even if you had more sex it wouldn't make a difference.

Just as I can't compete with hundreds of different kinds of dildos you can't compete with 500 plus girls. He has trained his brain to constantly need new stuff. He can't except that you are you. Sexually he sees you as this one girl and his brain says well we can find hundreds online and we don't need to ask or put any effort into it. I guess just do everything you can to help him but its up to him I'm afraid he has to want to put 110% into it. Good luck

 

I am very sorry that you are being hurt by this. No matter the excuse it is nothing that you are doing or have done that gives us men the entitlement to look at pornography and/or self-gratification. I know this firsthand because I used to rationalize why I would look and find faults in my wife's character or behavior to justify my actions. I would then stop fro a period of time because it would upset her so much. What I failed to realize is first, there is no excuse for us men to hurt our wives, girlfriends and loved ones in general. Second, we need to abstain from it to glorify God first and foremost (sorry to offend anyone by mentioning religious beliefs). Us males have the duty to be men of integrity and lead our families morally. We have to lead by example and protect our wives' hearts rather than break it by our own bad selfish choices. I pray that your husband finds the humility to see the fault in his actions and for the strength for you to support him in his recovery despite your pain. Also that he can see that his intentions for not doing it were wrong; they have to begin and come from the heart. I wish you continued strength and nothing but the best in this journey! I also pray that your husband has the courage to humble himself now on his timetable or else he will be humbled outside of his control, which could have dire outcomes.

 

I have been with my GF for 4 years. [getting married in 2 weeks]

I told her I was quitting fapping and she doesn't know that I have had issues with porn + fapping since I was 9. She has always known I have fapped since we started dating. We never talked about it. Many times she encourages it and tells me to do it especially when she has to come off her pill for her period once every 3 months.

When I told her I quit fapping she said "why are you punishing yourself?!?" that was her reaction... I was a bit surprised. Since I have stopped, our relationship has gotten better. She loves me more or at least my perception is changing because it is coming out of this mold that porn creates. This is all in my journal. You can check it out in my signature if you care how it's affected my relationship.

What I can tell you is that I had the same rationalization. It's normal. All my friends did it. I did it. I didn't know anyone who didn't. When you don't know better it becomes real to you. So going back and "relapsing" is very likely to happen [I quit cold turkey, no relapse right now after 14 years of 1+ a day fapping] and it's very difficult to overcome. It isn't as simple as "I'm stopping tomorrow."

You have to plan. If you fail to prepare, you plan to fail. If you have no idea what triggers these desires ect. then you cannot avoid them. If you have no desire to stop, then you will not avoid these and you will continue in the same rut you are in. I would suggest you ask him to join this forum.

 

My GF hadn't had sex until with me either. I can tell you that we have experimented with toys. She has quite a few she has purchased, about 10, and she only likes ONE! I'll tell you this though, that one toy she swears by and it really helps get her fired up while I kiss her and talk to her and rub her and massage her. It's made sex far more enjoyable for her which in turn makes it enjoyable for me.

I had a toy that she didn't like to use. She didn't like that it was bigger than her hands so she couldn't grip it well ect. so I had HER pick one out and I am actually in the process of trying to get it this week. I do not masturbate. The only O's I receive are a direct result from her and she knows this. So she actually suggested that since she is coming off her pill [once every 3 months] and I will not be able to have sex that we get the toy so I "can continue not fapping".

 

You know I came to realize that fapping messes up the brain but it can be reversed...So know that your boyfriend can recover and you will be able to connect much more in the future

Goodluck

 

Hi jbird. I'm very sorry for what you are experiencing. As a guy who tried to quit mostly for his gf and god and just a little bit for himself, i failed. For 3 years i failed. I put my gf, now wife, through hell. And I'm about to again, for someday I'll tell her what I'm still fighting. The thing is, only now, after hitting my lowest point and by getting educated am I prepared to do anything to get free. So if your partner isn't willing to change or face the extend of his addiction, not even after getting the information about p and you explaining how bad it is for him and your relationship, then there is little you can do. Do not believe him if he tells you he just quit, because like you said, he's just gotten better at hiding his addiction. Addicts lie. I wish you well in considering your next step in the relationship. Good luck and remember you're allways welcome on this forum for more information and feedback regarding anything related on this subject.

 

Google 'fight the new drug' and insist he read through it. Pressuring someone with or without them knowing that they are addicted isn't going to help...but showing him that you're deeply concerned and that it's hurting you might help. Just remember he could very well hide his true feelings about it to, especially if he's in denial.