How do I support my bf through this process?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by 999keyyy, Feb 9, 2018.

  1. 999keyyy

    999keyyy New Fapstronaut

    Hello, so I've been in a relationship with my bf for 10 months now and everything has been going great until as of recent. So my boyfriend first told me about his issue with porn back when we first started dating. He told me about how when it first started, he was watching BBW and things like that. But over time he slowly got into watching shemales. At first when he told me, I tried to be supportive, but in the back of my mind I was enraged. How could he possibly M to that kind of material?! But I'm such an accepting person and understanding so I didn’t judge him but honestly I was hurt. Now throughout the months he would sometimes mention his addiction and how he wants to stop and how he use to wacth the shemales and how they are disgusting and it’s a sick addiction.

    So basically last month he tells me that he’s still M to the shemales and for some reason I thought he was just doing it regular porn. At this point I don’t even care about the type of porn he’s watching b/c tht’s not the issue. It’s hard for me to be supportive because I also part take in P&M. I don’t do it as often and I don’t feel like it’s an addiction in my life. My boyfriend also wants to have sex sometimes, but I think it’s only b/c he feels the need to M again. How do I truly support him? Do we need to cut sex out for awhile? Do I stop watching it too? How do I trust him again? How do I not get mad when he tells me he relapses? It hurts me so much to go through this with him. I want to go through this one step at a time with him so we can truly see some progress/results.
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2018
  2. StraightEdge3616

    StraightEdge3616 Fapstronaut

    The best thing you can do is just keep supporting him. If my wife knew about my addiction, I would hope she would be supportive so that's what we need. Just support. You can do it.
    999keyyy likes this.
  3. If he has PIED then I think it would be better for him to go hardmode. I ofc understand that would be an issue for you too. Maybe you could also quit P&M for support?Is he also a member on here? If he was a member on here I’d suggest this video for him to watch.
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2018
  4. 999keyyy

    999keyyy New Fapstronaut

    So I did decide to stop watching, but not M. But I think that would be a good idea to stop both so that way he doesn’t feel alone in this journey. He’s not a member but I will definitely mention it to him and show him this video. How do you check in with someone who is trying to recover? Would it be appropriate to ask everyday whether he’s done it or not?
  5. the promise

    the promise Fapstronaut

    You must love him really much to suport him you knowthere not lots of women that supports and there are a lot of men who dont care if they masturbatr dand are married or so he wants to change he told you thats a big step you acted very mature thats awesome is a hard sittuatin s o you gota be tuff so is he you got to tell him to stop being ssisy with his addiction and put somr real effort on quiting i would tell you ask him every two days to not push him so much , his going trhu some real strugle in hiss mind so as you and is not going to stop until P gets out of youre life be positive everything is gona work out ... Cant say anything more productive be carefull with thr S luck !
    999keyyy likes this.
  6. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

    It's wonderful that you're supporting him so strongly.

    I don't think giving up sex is the answer and (although I expect you'd feel better without it) I don't think your porn use is an issue except that it may help justify his porn use to him.

    What you're doing here is getting close to real honesty with a man, which is dangerous and risky emotional stuff but also very rewarding if you both come through it.

    I doubt you can help him by being bossy with him or "nagging". That's the sort of thing that often makes a man pull away and hide his real self from you rather than getting closer.

    I'd suggest you have the most honest talks you've ever had. Make it clear to him that what you want from him above all is honesty. And explore why he's using this porn. Make it clear without being angry that you want to get past any bullshit and get to the reality. I think you need to talk about sex, too. I'm not *at all* suggesting you do anything sexual that you don't want to do, or that you reenact porn, but there may be some sexual frustration behind this, or that's part of it, that you can really help with. Is there for instance something he'd really like you to do, that you'd have no issue with or would even welcome, if only he'd be honest about wanting it?

    Maybe you could both decide together than whenever either of you has any porn-related thought, you'll immediately take that to each other's body. I know I'd love it if every time my girlfriend even though of porn or erotica she came and asked to unzip my trousers instead.

    If you can get clear about what he really, really needs sexually (I *don't* mean just a list of all his porn fetishes) then you can work out what fits with you, and how the two of you (this is his responsibility more than yours) can make this about a clear choice between porn on the one hand and mindblowing sex with you on the other.

    I'd advise more sex, not less, and if you can work towards a really honest sex that works for him (and you of course) that may help.
    999keyyy likes this.
  7. Iguana

    Iguana Fapstronaut

    Educating yourself and him is the best first step! always look up, read read the causes the effects, learn about HOCD (homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder) and learn why he gets off to trannies and such, understanding this problem helps a lot when it comes to overcoming it and doing it together will be far easier
    999keyyy likes this.
  8. bluejay805

    bluejay805 Fapstronaut


    If you want him to be on the PMO path then you also have to embrace it. One cannot expect an alcoholic spouse to recover if the other partner drinks and it triggers them
    999keyyy and Queen_Of_Hearts_13 like this.

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