How do you build the mindset to stop fantasizing?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by you_can_UK, May 12, 2022.

  1. you_can_UK

    you_can_UK Fapstronaut

    First of all I am not a hard extreme fantasizer.I fantasize about previous recaps from porn videos I saw.Sometimes I am lost into creating the best porn as per my taste in my head.I know it's weird.For me the first trigger is not a pic, or a clip, or a model as in the first place I never deliberately do this.The first trigger is my thought.After that the thought grows, the dopamine flows and I open my laptop and pmo.I have never been past 16 days, each time because of this game in my mind.

    Please people don't hesitate even to give a molecule of good advice which you have tested yourself.I will be very thankful.
     
  2. Logan116622

    Logan116622 Fapstronaut

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    I started using a rubber band whenever I think about a fantasy. Working so far.
     
  3. you_can_UK

    you_can_UK Fapstronaut

  4. Logan116622

    Logan116622 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah
     
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  5. DarkPassenger17

    DarkPassenger17 Fapstronaut

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    I focus on building the life I want after the reboot. I was in a masters program that I would switch my thoughts to at the first sign on fantasizing. I stayed really busy with my program. You could also find a hobby that you can switch your train of thought to. Mine is school and or coding. Anything that you are interested in and will take brain power.
     
  6. you_can_UK

    you_can_UK Fapstronaut

    thank you man
     
  7. DarkPassenger17

    DarkPassenger17 Fapstronaut

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    You're welcome, I hope it helps.
     
    you_can_UK likes this.
  8. Coub

    Coub Fapstronaut

    They will fade away automatically once you'll stop regulary watching P. Of course you will remember but the sharpness of memories will fade with time. There's correlation between frequency of PMO and fantasies about it.

    I would also distinguish two things: fantasies about porn & fantasies about real life girls. Fantasies about porn are artificial, just bad and lead to relapses. We should avoid that. And to do that you've to stop watching P and focus on your life: meet with girls, do sports, develop hobbies, improve your skills in workplace, etc.

    The ultimate goal is to all you can to make you stop watching P. Just that after some time, hard to say exactly when, personally it took me a few months... but it probably depend on how deep into shit you actually are. Without improving your day-to-day, keeping yourself busy and basically blocking access to P with all possible means(blocking system, filters, staying away from devices) will eventually bring fruits.

    I don't believe you can simply change your fantasies, they come from subconscious. If P is the only way you relief your inner sexual tensions then your brain demand action and it works for you. It knows that you like it and it knows it will make you feel better. You have to unlearn the habit, rewire your thought process. You can try to do activities to silence those thoughts, for example cold showers, jogging or other activity. But unless you will change your life, they will be always there.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2022
    you_can_UK and Deepworker.ha like this.
  9. you_can_UK

    you_can_UK Fapstronaut

    Thank you man for your special advice.I have started exercising nowadays,about 11-12 days ago regularly.A lot of work still required but I am wanting to change as it will change my life.
     
  10. I can relate to your problem with fantasies, and for me one of the keys to success has been thought control. It was a concept I started recognizing early in recovery, but it ended up becoming the cornerstone of lasting sobriety. Keep in mind, I was hopelessly addicted, and have been trying to quit for more than 10 years. I had never gotten past 23 days clean in the past 35 years of viewing porn and masturbating. This approach has given me more than a year PM free without using any blockers.

    What do I mean by "thought control"? Here is an exercise. I would suggest doing this when you are somewhat relaxed and free of distractions.
    1. Set a timer for 10 minutes.
    2. No matter what happens in the next 10 minutes, analyze every thought that comes into your mind.
    3. If the thought is not about sex/porn/fantasy, great!
    4. If the thought is about sex/porn/fantasy, stop the thought. If it won't go away, then wrestle with it. Do whatever it takes to get rid it (pushups, sit-ups, meditating, watch a documentary- whatever works). I remember one time walking around the house saying "I am not this person anymore" out loud. Crazy, but it worked. The key is to stop the thought in it's tracks.
    5. Once you have achieved 10 minutes of controlling your thoughts, try for 20 minutes. This takes time- you are not going to do this in a day.
    6. The goal is that eventually you will be able to monitor your thoughts continuously. It took me a good 3 months before I started getting the hang of it.
    It's not easy at all, but if you are able to master it, your fantasies will no longer control you. Fantasies start with a thought that takes us down a path that eventually leads to PMO. If you can stop it at the first thought, you have taken away it's power. Good luck!
     
    you_can_UK and DarkPassenger17 like this.
  11. So, what is the benefit by NOT fantasizing?
     
    you_can_UK likes this.
  12. Daily i learn for 6 hours and it's doing wonders to me. 20 years i am addicted and now i can see light at end of tunnel. My suggestion is " always stay busy ".
     
    you_can_UK likes this.
  13. you_can_UK

    you_can_UK Fapstronaut

    I will be honest, this is looking easy but the more I do it I know the more it will be difficult.But I am not afraid of difficulties.I will do this and report here.Thank you.
     
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  14. GotCaught

    GotCaught Fapstronaut

    I consider fantasising as a relapse so it helps me
     
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  15. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    That is a really good approach.

    Are you ready to raise your bat to the dressing room in 5 days bro? :p
     
    you_can_UK likes this.
  16. sam30

    sam30 Fapstronaut

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    I am absolutely sick
    Of fantasying all yesterday I was binging no pmo.. I feel so drain when I go out this is horrible.. my mind was so clear before this
     
    you_can_UK likes this.
  17. you_can_UK

    you_can_UK Fapstronaut

    that would have been very hard to begin with.Very strong and focused mindset is required.
     
  18. you_can_UK

    you_can_UK Fapstronaut

    yes he will surely.Would love to celebrate his victory!
     
  19. you_can_UK

    you_can_UK Fapstronaut

    how are you man.you have a nice streak of 262 days, you too fantasize but you are in much more control than me .I also really feel drained out.
     
  20. you_can_UK

    you_can_UK Fapstronaut

    fantasizing is killing my time, my motivation in other areas of my life.I get a sexual thought and then I transform it into a fantasy.Thoughts will come for the time being but I need to learnt how not to harvest them into fantasy.
     

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