How do you cope with guilt?

[Fenix Rising]

Hi fellow fapstronauts,

I'd like to ask you if you have experienced and how you resolve feeling of guilt during your reboot. I've met with my old college mate today. She has a lot of things going on in life, nice partner, career in law, great social life... I couldn't help myself but to become terrified and depressed in her company. I though how much my past life sucks. I don't have a lot of friends, lost a job, don't have a loving partner. I'm a loser on all fronts basically. PMO has kept me away from thinking how f... up my life really is and now, 116 days in a reboot, I'm literally losing sleep over many missed opportunities and prospects in life because of being occupied with PMO most of my adult life.

How do you cope with feelings of guilt originating from your past inaction, caused by PMO?

 

[Winner11]

Two things. First, I constantly and still to this day work on improving myself in all aspects. Exercise, nutrition, knowledge, attitude, hobbies are just some of the things that come to mind. Second, I realise that all humans on this earth are essentially the same. We all long for love and happiness. Once you understand that your own self-worth is not determined by money, success, having a loving family...etc, you will be able to define for yourself what is it exactly defines you. It could be something noble and big like being the president of your country in order to help it grow. Or something smaller like being able to do 50 push ups in a row. Or something that is constantly changing like how I do it. I realise I cannot compete with everyone and that there will always be someone that will be better than me in all aspects of their life. Instead of getting jealous and feeling down, I try to learn from them and improve myself further. God is fair, you may not see the problems that others face on the inside. You may be in turmoil internally, but others may see you as a steady rock with a solid foundation.

 

[Fenix Rising]

First, I constantly and still to this day work on improving myself in all aspects.

I'm trying to start doing that now. It's hard when I look back and ask myself how could I be so blind, not seeing how I've been destroying myself for almost two decades with PMO, rather then timely facing my problems, which only grew exponentially over the years of seeking to escape life. It's like fog has lifted and I see everything clearly now, including my total life inaction... I'm terrified and very sad.

 

[Deleted Account]

I'd say that the fact that you are facing your problems says something positive about you as a person. There are many people in the world who have problems they won't admit to having, or lacking the fortitude to face. I look at your streak with respect, and use it as an inspiration. Sure, some guy on the internet's opinion might not mean much, but look at the progress you've made with yourself over the last four months. You've done, and are doing, good things for yourself. Try not to compare yourself to others, as that's a sure way to find excessive fault in yourself.

 

[Deleted Account]

How do you cope with feelings of guilt originating from your past inaction, caused by PMO?

The way to truly show healthy regret is not waste today, or your future.
It sounds like a cliche but its true. You freed yourself from a prison, guilt that causes you to not enjoy your freedom is putting you back in the prison. But guilt that makes you say 'never again!' and I "I Will not waste today" is helping you enjoy your freedom. It's a feeling it depends what you do with it.

I've met with my old college mate today. She has a lot of things going on in life, nice partner, career in law, great social life... I couldn't help myself but to become terrified and depressed in her company. I though how much my past life sucks. I don't have a lot of friends, lost a job, don't have a loving partner. I'm a loser on all fronts basically.

Don't compare yourself to her. Compare yourself to your yesterday self. You also don't know what's going on with her. Maybe her partner is having an affair, maybe she hates her boss....

 

[Fenix Rising]

Thank you for all your advices. It's hard to have objectively look at yourself sometimes. I tend to be a bit gloomy person. I have to learn how to look at bright sight of life.

 

[gunslinger215]

Guilt only holds us back from ever redeeming ourselves. The best solution is to pack those experiences away in a tight box. You know they’re there, but they serve as a guide to let you know how you can change for the better in the future. Nobody is infallible. We all make mistakes. Only the wise learn from them and avoid repeating them.
I say this from my own experience as I’ve struggled with intense guilt myself, feelings that I’ve let myself and everyone down. But I’ve quit living in the past.