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How do you deal with the stress?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Idontfeellikeme, Nov 14, 2019.

  1. Idontfeellikeme

    Idontfeellikeme Fapstronaut

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    I stopped watching porn over 100 days ago. I flatlined immediately, no reaction. At the beginning when I stopped, I tried to M but it wasn’t successful and eventually I started to O without being hard. I stopped trying.
    After 60 days, my wife and I had sex several days, and I M several times, totally turned on, but one night I had no reaction and I have flatlined again... not reaction, no reaction to M either.
    In all this time, I never felt any urges, I was fine just letting go of porn, but now, I’m at over 100, no sex, no M, no O and I am having bounds of anxiety. Mildly sexual things are triggering me into anxiety and panic attacks, my heart starts racing and I feel like I am going to have a heart attack.
    This is coinciding with a lot of stress at work. I have always used porn and M to relax and deal with stress, but I have nothing to cope with it now and it is increasing to crisis level.
    I keep reading you guys over here in the forum, and it helps me a lot, it keeps on track - thank you - and I read many times in this forum different forms of “if you are hurting, you are healing, hang in there” but I can’t take it anymore, and my mind keeps bringing forward this idea “if I just do it once, it will all go away” which I know it’s the addiction showing it’s ugly face, and I must resist. I’m an ex-smoker and I recognize the mental game from when I stopped smoking.

    Sorry about the rumbling, but long story short: because I didn’t educate myself about por addiction before starting and simply stopped watching porn -and reading about it later- I made a mistake(s) at the beginning and did not stop all sexual activity, so, 100 days may not mean 100 days, right? I have real stress from work, real stress from trying to heal my relationship with my wonderful wife, stress generated by the recovery, and no release mechanism for it; how do you guys deal with it? (I have a lower back problem and exercise is a very limited option for me right now)
     
    SalemKring, Ezpz and MrGlock like this.
  2. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    Well done in going so long and hanging in there while it's been really tough.

    For the stress and it's symptoms there are so many things you can do. Start drinking Valerian root tea, check with your GP first. It's been used for ever for anxiety.

    Cold showers. I am much better with stressful times after I started them. Take them in the morning. They reduce blood pressure, also cortisol, so many benefits.

    What you are feeling about fixing how you feel with just one pmo... Of course we know that's not true. It may numb you but that's not the same. Dont give in to it. It's an urge like any other.

    Check your caffeine intake, maybe you need to reduce or stop completely for a while.

    The effect of no pmo and as you say, not having a release mechanism for stress is THE main benefit although makes life so hard. It's forcing you to acknowledge actually the effects your everyday life has on you. You need to make some adjustments possibly.

    Bad lower back - there's so much you can do for it. Start gentle squats, without weights, focus on opening the hips, chest open, curve lower back. Try baby pose in yoga, also great for it. A few minutes a few times a day will help. Don't let a bad lower back discount you from all exercise. Get some Olympic rings, start arm hanging, that feels so relaxing and will ease back pain.

    Even though you don't feel like sex, why not try just focussing on your wife? Giving pleasure can be extremely satisfying, is extremely satisfying, I know I find that, and you can share the feeling of it.
     
  3. Idontfeellikeme

    Idontfeellikeme Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your generous answer and the reminders to focus on what I can change.
    I will check that tea and reduce my considerable coffee consumption. The cool showers are a challenge right now in the northeast, but I am planning to exercise in a pool, but it usually says you need cardio to actually have an impact in your stress.

    You are right, I do have to change a few things about the speed I live my life.

    Thank you :)
     
    SalemKring and Robinthehood like this.
  4. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    What you have said is basically correct. I am somewhat experienced with dealing with these symptoms and i believe i know exactly what you are going through. After the initial 3 months of recovery you mainly go through withdrawals which should be pretty much cleared up by now. However some symptoms can usually linger on. The main symptom i have seen takes the longest to go away is a sensitivity to stress. That means basically that you get stressed out really easy, your body can also go into constant fight or flight mode which causes other symptoms like anxiety, fatigue, brain fog, tight muscles etc. This is also where your back pain is coming from. The pain is likely coming from your hip flexor muscles and hamstring muscles being too tight (hip flexor muscle is known as the stress muscles).

    Your mind and body is just learning to deal with the stress of life without PMO so it just has to adjust. This can take some time and its frustrating but worrying about symptoms tends to make things worse. Just let things take their course and you will adapt in time.

    What can help? The main thing that helps is time but there are small things you can do to cope with stress that i've found helps a little. If you can make a few 1% improvements throughout your day you may be able to cope easier. Limiting screen time and technology is the most beneficial i have found and if you can try to replace that with any activity to calm yourself down that will help too. Just try to manage your stress levels as best you can is my advice.
     
    SalemKring and Recovering_Addict like this.

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