How do you fix the fear of being alone forever/loneliness in general?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zxcv, Nov 14, 2018.

  1. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    How do you fix the fear of being alone forever/loneliness in general?

    I've had this fear for around 12 years, and it's never really gotten any better. It probably has a lot of the reason to deal with why I want a girlfriend so badly. But I've been pretty lonely all my life and it's just gotten really bad over the last 12ish years. I've gone on meds to help out with other unreasonable fears, I've gotten the other ones under control, but this one nothing has been able to touch this or help it at all. I've done things that in theory should be helping my social skills so I know how to deal with people, but that doesn't seem to be helping either. I don't really have many friends, but even during the time I do, I still feel loneliness that I can't get rid of. It's just a constant thing in my life. I really don't know how to fix this.

    I've even taken a job where I'm forced to talk to people over the phone, and I've been there for about 9 months in way to help out my social skill and fix the shyness. Even after that I'm still lonely, now my social skills with normal people haven't improved much, I'm to tried to deal with people when I am at church and try to do deal with people. That hasn't helped out much either.
    So yeah, it close to the end of the year. Usually the time of year where time stops. So there's a young adults group that started this year. The problem is the year is almost over and we're dealing with the holidays so groups like this usually shut down for the rest of the year. Usually with the intention of coming back early next year. But the problem is that often they don't start back up and people just forget about them. Sadly, this is one of the few place I have to be with people and hopefully start to feel less lonely. I'm not sure what I'll do if doesn't start back up.
    Then there's another thing that's bugging me, I'm 30. So it's my last year I'll be able to go to young adults groups so in another 8 months I won't have that ether and I'll be totally alone. I'm really not sure what to do. There really isn't any groups for the new age range so I'm not sure what to do. This after 12 years of to young adult groups and not really getting anywhere with them trying to find a girlfriend.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2018
  2. You definitely sound depressed, is that what you take meds for? I've struggled with depression all my life, and I know that reality is not the same as how depression makes us think it is. You really sound like you've tried a lot of things, and you should give yourself credit for that, you should feel good about those things. Earlier this year, when I was struggling with depression, I started to do positive affirmations. I would refuse to entertain the negative thoughts and would force myself to come up with something positive to say about myself or situation. Everyday I would write in my journal some positive affirmations. It helped a lot and I got through it. Now I don't even need to do the positive affirmations anymore. Depression can also hurt your relationships, you push people away, and they stay away, so if you're depressed, it could be contributing to your loneliness, and then it's a vicious cycle. Also stop the PMO! But honestly, to me it sounds like you actually have a lot of positives that you can work with. Give yourself credit and keep going!
     
  3. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    The way you don't fix it is with PMO. Feelings of intense loneliness and isolation do not, or should not ever lead to PMO. It will only intensify your anguish. You need to seek God for His friendship and intimacy and in order to do that you need forgiveness. The fear is an irrational one that you can easily rid yourself of.
     
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  4. Nil1991

    Nil1991 Fapstronaut

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    Well, as a BPD person, I have a lot of fears of been lonely.. but, I'm always surrounded by friends, I guess that even with my problems, I still have hope that I will find someone cool or make a new friendship. So, what I tell you is, go have some fun and stop overthinking, try find things that you really like to do.
     
  5. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    So yeah, it close to the end of the year. Usually the time of year where time stops. So there's a young adults group that started this year. The problem is the year is almost over and we're dealing with the holidays so groups like this usually shut down for the rest of the year. Usually with the intention of coming back early next year. But the problem is that often they don't start back up and people just forget about them. Sadly, this is one of the few place I have to be with people and hopefully start to feel less lonely. I'm not sure what I'll do if doesn't start back up.
    Then there's another thing that's bugging me, I'm 30. So it's my last year I'll be able to go to young adults groups so in another 8 months I won't have that ether and I'll be totally alone. I'm really not sure what to do. There really isn't any groups for the new age range so I'm not sure what to do. This after 12 years of to young adult groups and not really getting anywhere with them trying to find a girlfriend.
     
  6. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

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    There is more than one place to find friends and potential dates. Think outside the box, man.
     
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  7. Try going to Meetup groups, I'm 35 and I love them
     
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  8. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday I was feeling a bit down. I picked up my soccer ball and walked to the park at 8pm. It was around 40 degrees and no one else was out, but I didn't care. I wanted to play and I knew it would bring me joy. I walked out, dribbled around, took a few shots. I breathed in the air, did lots of tricks and was playful.

    My point is that if you want to cure lonliness, the best way to do it is to start loving yourself. Do the things that you really enjoy and you will eventually find people to share that with. The step of self discovery is one that a lot of people are afraid to do because it is scary doing things on your own. But if you think about a healthy child, they discover and do things on their own all the time. They make the choice and then the parents hopefully encourage them.

    We have to be the same. We have to be adult children and find the things we love. Only then can you cure your depression. No girl or event or job or friend is going to cure that. The cure for depression is self love.
     
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  9. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    There's a simple (simple, but not easy) solution to that problem: self acceptance and love.

    When you feel lonely, what is it that you desire? Is it companionship? Is it acceptance? Is it a relationship? Whatever it is, I can guarantee that if you actually had that thing, you still wouldn't feel like you had what you really wanted out of life. You might feel happy for a short amount of time, but as soon as that feeling fades you would realize that you are no happier than you are right now. Why is this so? There are two reasons:

    The first reason is more practical: You already have what you want. You don't really want companionship, for companionship doesn't mean anything without isolation. Thus, you want to feel isolated and feel companionship, or neither of those words would have any meaning at all. You don't really want acceptance. If you were accepted all the time, you wouldn't even know what it means to be accepted. Thus, you want to be rejected a bunch of times, too. You want to be rejected so many times that it hurts, so that you know the pain of rejection, for if you didn't go through that rejection you wouldn't even understand why acceptance is so valuable in the first place. In short, what you really want is the whole picture: you want the good, the bad, and the ugly. The light and the dark. The yin and the yang. The ups and the downs. The roses and the thorns. But that's exactly what you have. You have a life full of dual experiences: one of happiness and sadness, of day and night, of ups and downs. But it's not really your life. It's just life, and you have it. You see, you already have what you want.

    The second reason is more philosophical: You don't even know who you are. Who are you, anyway? Are you your name? Your address? Your phone number? Your Facebook profile? Your body? Your job? Your past? Your experiences? No, you are none of these things. You are something more. In fact, you are a lot more than any of those things. You have tricked yourself into believing otherwise, though. You have tricked yourself into believing that you are your body, that you are your mind, that you are your experiences, that you are the things that other people tell you you are (a son, a coworker, a friend, an American - or wherever you hail from, etc.). Not only have you tricked yourself into believing this falsehood, but you are also very good at keeping yourself lost in it. I think that's what human nature is all about: it's all about tricking yourself into believing you're less than what you really are. So then, what are you, really? Well, you are it. You are everything, man. You're the entire universe experiencing itself through the eyes of a human being. It's simple, maybe even sounding a bit mystical, but it's true.

    So, you see, you're not really alone at all. You have exactly what you want. But you still might not feel at peace with it all. So, what can you do? It was like I said at the beginning: self acceptance and self love. Now you know that you have everything you want, and that you are so much more than you think you are, so the next step is to accept and love yourself as you are. Enjoy your life. Go outside and see all the beautiful sunlight and little creatures that walk the earth. Enjoy a variety of delicious foods, and don't worry about what people tell you is healthy or unhealthy. Smell the flowers. Listen to good music. Practice your creative talents and soak up every minute of your playtime. Life has so much to offer, and I don't want you to miss it all because you're so focused on all these things you think you don't have.

    If you really accept yourself and start to appreciate and enjoy your life, I think you will feel a lot better about all this loneliness stuff. I'm not saying that it will bring more people into your life, or that it will bring you a romantic relationship or anything like that. I don't know if any of that stuff is going to happen to you or not. I just think that if you really accept yourself, you won't feel like you need a relationship or companionship to be happy anymore. Hope that helps!
     
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  10. mmail6950

    mmail6950 Fapstronaut

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    Have you ever heard of adult children of dysfunctional families / alcoholics?
     
  11. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

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    May I ask, why you wanted to curb your sexual desires?
     

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