I’m struggling to come to terms with the person I was before recovery. I see the damage I’ve caused my wife every single day and the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I’m trying to be a better person and a better husband and I’m cleaning, cooking more, trying to get into shape, talking openly about my recovery, writing in a journal and structuring my time etc. I’m in therapy and have been for some time, and my mindset is completely different from the one I had before. I appreciate my wife in a way I never have before, but I am finding it hard to accept how I treated her in the past. I can’t believe that I could behave like that. I lied and manipulated her everyday and I still slept like a baby, whereas I can barely sleep now thinking about what I have done. I put her in a position she didn’t deserve to be in with a person that she didn’t even know. How could I have done that? How do other people cope with these feelings or guilt? When did you forgive yourself, or have you ever been able to? UPDATE I realised today that this wasn’t guilt; it was shame. Guilt is a positive feeling that pushes you to change. Shame is the feeling that you’re fundamentally wrong and incapable of being different. I shouldn’t be even contemplating forgiving myself. I should be focusing on being a better husband and partner for my wife. These last few days I’ve been so focused on my own feelings that I haven’t paid any attention to how she’s been feeling. It’s not good enough and I will learn from this mistake.