How do you get rid of sexual fantasies?

Being away from porn gives your brain a chance to get back to reality, to be more intimately connected with your gf. Some thoughts my cross your mind from time to time but you don't obsess on them and can more easily move on.

 

I am not sure living something out will stop the drive to seek it. But it is not really a need as much as a desire. I am sure that more porn won't satisfy, it never does. It gives you short, very short term climax and then leaves you feeling even more low than before.

 

No it doesn't. That's what you tell yourself. I don't desire what you refer to. I see it as pragmatically and morally wrong. Your lusts are something you chose to adhere to and strengthen. You can chose to destroy them. These lusts are the enemy of your very soul.

 

False. These are lies you are telling yourself. You can give up PMO completely, it's a choice you make and every part of your being has to be in agreement. Living out your lusts will only drive you deeper into bondage and make your life more hellish and painful.

 

I can understand... I used to feel the same with my boyfriend at times...
What I came to realize is that if the relationship matters more to me then I'd need to let go of these fantasies.
I ended up looking for some other means to satisfy these fantasies that left me feeling guilty.
Best way is to just realise that everything eventually is just biology, release of chemicals in ur brain... so it doesn't really matter if those memories were created in ur lifetime or not... there are always other things to keep you happy

 

i think the only way to get rid of sexual fantasies is to die.

 

My instinct in this case would be to give up porn not despite it, but specifically because it's likely to make real life "short" of that fantasy, imperfect and insufficient, and invest the newly gained time and energy in a conversation with your girlfriend if she might ever possibly be open to a threesome, and under what conditions and circumstances. That's not something that happens just in porn. People actually do it, and if everyone involved is cool with it, there's nothing inherently wrong with it, IMO.

 

Having been in a few threesomes and foursomes I can tell you that the reality is no where near the fantasy. If you have ever grown tired of sex with the same person, you may understand that the same thing can happen with multiple partners. It is like a drug. You keep looking for a "better" high that does not exist. As i have posted elsewhere, the best and most intimate relationships are spiritual, not physical.

 

Thank you for saying that. Although I haven't done all of that, trying to make reality out of sex fantasy has always been a huge letdown. Good sex always seems to happen by accident. There is really no reason to indulge in fantasies. If I could only get that into my thick head.

 

I’m going to echo the other sage responses here. Acting out a fantasy is definitely not the answer. I speak from experience. Take the “dive” (disgust, hopelessness, guilt, loathing...) you feel after masturbating to fantasy and multiply it by 10 or 20 and that’s what you’ll get from making the fantasy reality. First: reality will fall woefully short of expectation. Second: Especially if it involves someone else- actions have myriad unintended consequences and finally, the rush from acting out is even more short lived than imagination fueled dopamine dumps so you are compelled to escalate immediately- exhausting and destructive. Don’t do it!!!

 

I had both , good and bad sex with escorts(more bad than good) but never even close as good and wild and intimate as the sex i had with my former girlfriend.if you have deep connection and your significant other matches you well in sexual desire , no escort can do better. i use to have mindblowing sex with my gf. very wild sometimes and very soft and loving othertimes .

The multiple woman thing , most men, probably women too, fantasize about(nothing wrong with that) but life is about being at peace that you have to make compromises in life. or maybe you can have a gf thats open to 3somes but that can probably give other problems like all things can do. to eradicate all unwanted lust thats something i dont buy , its a puritan view of life that leads to repression and mental close-mindedness.. Thats why i have nothing against objectifying women as sex objects , i can see them as the godesses they are and the sexual wild beasts they also can be. they are both and much more.

 

i dont feel guilty hopeless, shameful , loathing after pmo , it is something i see as not productive(and not as some mortal sin i need to be punished for) but i dont hate myself for making a not constructive choice.the self loathing is a form of hybris. the more accepting my own mistakes approach doesn't make me less successful in abstaining from pmo. i have relapses sometimes and thats part of the journey. a lot of self hatred and shame and repression of fantasies on the nofap forum, very sad. . the healthier approach : its about allowing the thoughts arise and not attaching to them and acting them out. not to see you as some good holy individual that cant make mistake or hes a very bad bad human being.

 

Fantasies can be representational of other needs. Think about the woman who overeats when she's stressed or lonely, or the alcoholic who drinks to forget about things - neither of these behaviors 'solve' the problem .

Examine your fantasies (clinically not physically ) and ask yourself what drives you to them.

Not all sexual fantasies are to meet other needs but if it is out of alignment with your normal sexual desires and only comes around during certain conditions then I'd look to the solutions above.

I agree with everyone here that trying to act it out will only make it worse.
Sexual Fantasy: The More You Scratch the More You Itch (2010)
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybo...-the-more-you-scratch-the-more-you-itch-2010/

 

Sometimes, it is better to learn the hard way. Rather than repressing fantasies, you can see for yourself that they lead nowhere. Knowing that gives you the strength to resist. You realize that you aren't missing anything.

 

I was meditating in Headspace and learn the coolest idea in my life: "Your fantasies and thoughts aren't you as a person, it's just your mind's analitycs. Try to meditate more than 10 minutes and it will be better. I was watching hard porn because my mind wanted it, but not me as a personality. Last time I was watching only erotic content, so it helped me.

 

Personal context is everything . Of course I (and anyone) can only speak from a singular point of view. The assumption made is that people come to this site because porn driven activity is causing enough discomfort in their lives that they feel the need to try and change the behavior. Of course there is no “one size fits all” advice or approach. If you have no ill effects from PMO or acting out, then your approach is probably very effective for you. For me it would be devastating. That’s the purpose of these forums- different approaches and different options for different people and myriad situations/personal realities

 

I just remembered a technique that ALWAYS has worked for me to stop the chattering of the “monkey brain”. You just keep asking yourself the question: “I wonder what my next thought will be?” Just keep repeating that and it breaks the chatter for long enough to gain some control