How do you guys control your urges when you meet hot people on the streets?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by whiskeyjack, Jun 2, 2019.

  1. whiskeyjack

    whiskeyjack Fapstronaut

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    One of the worst things ever is the kind of urges one gets. I can resist from looking at porn now. Took some willpower, yeah, but still. But often, when I'm walking down the street and you've got a hot chick just swinging her hips right, my blood starts flowing south and it gets reeeeal difficult controlling my thoughts. What do you guys do when things like this happen? Thought control is the key to mastering the PMO challenge: I know that. But how do you control your thoughts when you get stimulated by natural, not artificial beauty?
     
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  2. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    I do a pretty good job at not running behind some female and start sniffing her rear end like dogs do.
     
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  3. hd47

    hd47 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know but I feel that I'm more stimulated by artificial than natural.
     
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  4. whiskeyjack

    whiskeyjack Fapstronaut

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    Haha, agreed. I don't mean to say I do that, but it's hard to not just stare at times. And that just leads to my thoughts going down naughty street.
     
  5. I look away or look at the ground and think about something else that’s totally non related, for example my stocks that are plummeting right now, my house that needs a lot of work, or my parents who are getting older and need more attention.

    Took a while to get out of the habit of mindless ogling but it can be done.

    We don’t have to be like that. We can make a choice to change.
     
  6. WhiskeyNeat

    WhiskeyNeat Fapstronaut

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    Glad I’m not alone. I’ll find myself physically turning my body just so I can watch longer. I just I try to remind myself that nothing comes from this. I can stare all I want and it doesn’t help me or the woman feel any better. It’s a waste of my energy and degrading to the person I’m objectifying. I know that doesn’t help much but that’s all I’ve been able to come up with so far.
     
  7. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    The first look cannot always be helped, but the second look is always a choice. If you make an effort to start a new habit of bouncing your eyes away form the arousing sight as soon as you see it, this will go a long ways toward helping. It *is* difficult not to stare, but it is not impossible. I practiced this very mindfully for 2-3 weeks, and now it is my habit to look away instead of to ogle. Then I just need to be mindful not to keep looking back!

    If you commit to forming this new habit 100%, your success in doing so is 100% guaranteed! :)
     
  8. whiskeyjack

    whiskeyjack Fapstronaut

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    So basically form a new habit. Hmm. Gonna be hard, but knowing that someone's succeeded in this gives me great hope that I will too. Thank you, man!
     
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  9. RisingTrojen

    RisingTrojen Fapstronaut

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    Its simple mate but weird also.I was like this i would see some one later on that day i would jerk off .The best way not to do that is...
    Think her as a human.Think about how she do all the girl stuff.To be more clear.Imagine about how this hot one would use toilet .I think You understand what i am saying.this works!!
    I said it was weird.
     
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  10. FapistMonk

    FapistMonk Fapstronaut

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    That is so good. I've also thought along the lines of "The first one [the first look] is on the house." When you first see her, that first response is spontaneous and perhaps natural. But every time I glance over again and get a little dopamine hit off of that, that's on me. In my work I have met countless women that have been sexually assaulted as adults or children. I am not saying that this is what we are doing, but I am suggesting that probably everybody is looking at her sexually and she may or may not like it, and if she does, she might for the wrong reasons. I have also wondered how women would respond if I told them that they were incredibly attractive--and that I was probably going to masturbate to them later... Very good stuff Tao Jones. Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2019
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  11. AGuyInHisBestYears

    AGuyInHisBestYears Fapstronaut

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    At the same time I wish I could get it up just by looking at hot women in the streets lol. Damn ED.
     
  12. Fightyourlowerself

    Fightyourlowerself Fapstronaut

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    This is a struggle - what helps me lower my gaze is thinking about them a different way - think about the women you are staring at in this way:

    That women is someone's daughter, maybe someone's sister, maybe someone's mother, maybe someone's partner.

    How would I like it if a stanger looked at my daughter/sister/mother/partner in that way?
     
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  13. Johnny_TightLips

    Johnny_TightLips Fapstronaut

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    I've actually gotten pretty good now at dealing with this. Call it self discipline if you will, but whenever I come across a pretty lady while out and about, I'm able to appreciate her for her overall beauty..and not just a specific body part. This makes a huge difference, because now you're not categorizing her on a scale, or her body type, or any other category we see fit. You're appreciating her for who she is.

    My thought process is something like: "Wow, that is one beautiful Lady ➡️ She must be doing quite well to be looking so radiant ➡️She's a human being just like myself, with goals, desires, and a purpose in life."

    Lastly, whereas back in my P days I'd be looking for a specific category, and as such would be categorizing women based on a preference, this alternative way helps my brain to better recover. It's made controlling lust filled urges way easier.

    Hope that helps
     
  14. To be honest, I don't think that you really should as long as you don't use PMO as your outlet, and you don't offend or make anybody feel uncomofrtable. It's good that you're actually having urges because of real women. That's more than a lot of guys that have been addicted to PMO can say. I think it's time you get yourself a date! :cool:

    I mean, obviously don't just awkwardly stare at women on the street to the point of making both of you uncomfortable, but don't be afraid to admire them either. You're supposed to be attracted to women! It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's called being human.

    Just remember that the point of the challenge is not life-long celibacy, it's more about re-channeling your sexual desire back to real women after an addiction to PMO, or 'rewiring' if you will.

    Good luck! :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2019
  15. whiskeyjack

    whiskeyjack Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your kind replies, guys! Knowing I'm not really alone in this helps a huge deal.
    Haha, you'll get there, mate! I don't get erections just looking at women walking down the streets either, but naughty thoughts pop up, then one thing leads to another, and I'm fighting back the urge to go back home, turn on some porn and fantasize/masturbate. Trying to break myself out of that is daunting.
    I honestly don't like thinking about women this way, because I don't like stereotyping women into daughters/sisters/mothers/partners. Women can be defined and respected without needing a male counterpart as well. I understand that it might work for you to do this (and that's perfectly fine, to each their own), but I'm wired differently. My issue isn't objectifying women, because we objectify everything we find attractive to some extent or another, but controlling my urges upon seeing an attractive one. I'm comfortable with how I view women, but I'd rather my appreciation of their attractiveness not lead me to temptation. :)
    Oh totally agreed. It took me a long time to break out of the porn-like focus on certain body parts, but I'm happy to say I'm in the same boat as you. When I look at a girl, it's about the girl, not just her you-know-whats. The issue is that I'm on the 90-day challenge, and at times even that triggers urges. Especially in the gym. :/
     
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  16. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    This is pretty advanced, after all it is preverbal isn't it? It isn't like you form the thought "wow this chick is so hot, I'm gonna move my eyeballs over there and get a good gander" - it's just instinct.

    But lemme back up - in the general sense, there's of course nothing wrong with being stimulated by natural beauty, the particular response we take issue with in this context is lust. It IS possible to admire a womans beauty without having that as a component, as recovering addicts that may not be an experience everyone has had but great to remember if we have, even if vaguely. One clue is the attention is diffuse rather than focusing on certain body parts, more like taking in the whole gestalt of the person.

    And looking at it closely, there is nothing to control once a thought has formed - not THAT thought anyway, it is a matter of not perpetuating that thought and line of thinking. It's a bit of chicken or the egg thing, the thought or the lustful instinct. I say cover both, if you want to be thorough. Your volition, attention, cognitive process - these are all distinct levels that can be regulated if you really want to get into it.
     
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  17. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    What about the suggestion " if it has to be a pig sometimes then so be it". Gavin Micinness cracks me up. Just don't @ me if you don't like him, I don't care.
     
  18. I can confirm this. Further into a streak, the whole impression shifts to a more natural appreciation. Magnet eyes started on day 3 and lasted until about day 20.
     
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  19. LynxTheCat

    LynxTheCat Fapstronaut

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    It depends on what you want to achieve. Getting urges from ppl on the street seems to be right, it's a good signal for your brain. That's the "good source" of sexual energy. As long as it doesn't lead you to relapse. Just tell yourself "okay, this girl is hot! so the only way I can release this sexual tension is to actually do something with her, not yb fapping alone in my room". And that's a clear message for your subconsciousness.
     
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  20. Xhiddy

    Xhiddy Fapstronaut

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    It works well for me too. Nobody's that glorious that they never shit.
     
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