How do you keep going?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Paulie G., May 25, 2020.

  1. Paulie G.

    Paulie G. Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    once every now and then i have down phases where i feel a little depressed (currently have one).

    I meditate every day for 30 minutes, i obviously stopped fapping/porn etc., i have been working out every single day for the last 3-4 months and before i worked out 3x a week. I read 1 hour everyday and i try to study 8 hours a day.

    I don't even do these things anymore to get a girlfriend, I am doing them just for me, but man it's so hard. What triggers my frustration especially is when I go out to buy groceries or whatever and realise, that women seem to throw themselves at these loser dope-dealer type of guys, who don't even look as good as me and probably don't read, meditate, nofap, etc.

    I then ask myself: "why me?". why do i have to walk 5000 miles, go over seven bridges, die a hundred deaths to get a girlfriend? Why can't i just be normal? Why is it so hard for me? I sometimes feel like the world has conspired against me...

    Does anyone else sometimes have thoughts like that? and how do you deal with them?

    How to keep going even though you see next to no results?
     
  2. Are you quite sure that you're not doing these things for a girlfriend ? Because to me it looks like you do, as soon as you stop and compare yourself to some random guy and then think "why i can't find one too because i am doing this and he's not" you're setting yourself up down to a road of endless frustration.

    I used to be frustrated just like you, but then i realized one thing. At least in my observation, good amount of relationships tend to be superficial as the people in them. There's this pressure or enigma about people who aren't in relationships in a way that they'd be looked as weird if they're single, can be taken from your example "Why can't i just be normal?" - You're 100% normal, a lot of guys ask themselves this question.

    You probably believe that having a girlfriend would help you with coping a lot of problems with your life, but let me tell you one thing being in a functional relationships takes a lot. You need to know yourself first in order to expertise in the field of observing your partner and knowing exactly what you want. If you base your happiness on outward things i.e. girlfriend, your friend, material things, substances(porn) you will never be happy, because its outer source dependent.

    Keep in mind that at this moment the only relationship you need is with yourself. Why ? So you develop a strong character lines and confidence so you can filter bad people out of your life and know what to do with them.

    So, to answer your question you don't have to walk 500 miles, go over seven bridges, die a hundred deaths to get a girlfriend, question is would you be happy in a long-term in such relationship ? Or perhaps walking 500 miles, going over seven bridges, dying hundred deaths will transform you into a person that quality woman will recognize and will come to you.

    My point is, start a self improvement journey truly for yourself. You're clearly doing it for somebody else, and you're aware of it deep down. Cut that bullshit out, don't put women on pedestal. Set realistic set of goals for yourself, work on them, meet smart people, keep working on yourself and you'll eventually yourself a girlfriend. Ohh and most important thing, don't compare yourself with other people. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone is today.

    So, get your shit together and listen to the fam who was just as frustrated as you and then figured it out
     
  3. Paulie G.

    Paulie G. Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your answer Xander.

    You are right, I'm probably doing these things to get a girlfriend on a subconscious level, but how could I control my motives if they are subconscious?

    And this is just what i meant by walking 500 miles etc. Why do i have to go on a spiritual journey and come back years later and enlightend to be good enough to get a girlfriend, while most other guys get it effortlessly? Of course i am aware, that complaining about this is useless and on most days i don't think that way, but sometimes this frustration just comes up...

    I then ask myself why do these things? Do they even make a difference? why meditate half an hour and workout and study for hours and hours a day when i could just give up on this, play video games and watch porn all day like some people i know. As far as i can tell the results i get in life aren't any different from theirs, so why even bother?

    i am not looking for some soulmate, i don't believe in this. Just a normal relationship (i guess you could call them "superficial"), i guess they are not that bad, otherwise people wouldn't have them right? Also a large part of it is probably just horniness, as i never had this frustration after masturbating. But what should i do about it? I can't ignore it right?

    And obvioulsy when i work hard etc. which i will anyway, i will find a girlfriend eventually, hell i will be driving a ferrari in 10 years, so i guess there won't be a problem, but other people don't have a ferrari now either and yet they are somehow "qualified"... Why do i need a ferrari? Is this just unfairness of life?
     
  4. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You still feel that you lack a girlfriend in your life. You feel that you deserve a girlfriend but despite all your hard work you are still lonely and those trash man are getting the ladies. You are not happy for yourself, you are not ready for a girlfriend yet.
    What this tells you about this woman's? would a high value woman date a guy that is a mess? not at all.. high value woman will not waste their time with them. This woman's you see with this kind of guy are also a mess and you don't want to date them anyway.

    Work on yourself to the point you feel happy about your life alone and eventually high value woman's will see that and want to be with you.
     
    Paulie G., Xander_ and Abdul_abc like this.
  5. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    Yeah you do lol.

    The only reason you are doing these things is because you think they will get you people. Do stuff you actually enjoy, not because you think they will get you a gf.

    Also do you have any friends? When was the last time you talked to girls?
     
    Paulie G. likes this.
  6. HornyChang

    HornyChang Fapstronaut

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    Its because its your outlook on life. If you know about law of attraction, you probably have underlying issues that doesnt attract woman in your life. Whether it be your self esteem or confidence in yourself. The loser guys you mention manifest woman unconsciously. What i recommend you do is love yourself and start believing you are sexy af and get all the woman. Just truly believe that idea and they will come. I experimented it myself and girls would start talking about how sexy i was out of nowhere. The hard part is maintaining the mindset. Nofap doesnt even matter if you can truly believe you are sexy af. Try it out. I would say nofap benefits in you feeling good so in turn makes it easier to believe you are sexy.
     
    Paulie G. likes this.
  7. Paulie G.

    Paulie G. Fapstronaut

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    Okay, i feel better again, as expected.

    what do you mean by "high value woman"?

    yeah you are probably right heh heh

    Hm you are right. Question is what do i enjoy(other than playing video games and watching netflix). I'm gonna take some time later and think about this, thanks!
    I have a few friends, and last time i talked to a girl (face to face) was 2018, as far as i can recall.

    this sounds really good, i will definitly try it out, thanks HornyChang!
     
  8. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    Surely you have some other hobbies. If pick up some shit you used to do when you were a kid. A few suggestions are skateboarding, surfing, learning an instrument, reading, drawing/painting/doing art, woodwork, mechanic work, making music, hiking, biking, cooking.

    ALso how the fuck can you expect to get a gf if the last time you talked to a girl was 2018. Surely you work with some girls or you talk to female cashiers. Honestly bro there are gonna be some chicks out there that think your hot as fuck as you are right now but you are never going to meet them if you aren't talking to girls.
     
  9. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Woman that have their shit together, have a good attitude, are independent, easy going, are happy about their life, has practically no red flags, are not fruit loops, have a healthy selfsteam, etc.
    This kind of woman don't waste their time with a "loser dope-dealer type of guy", that's a low value man. They will wait for a guy that is more like her. But a girl with a lot of issues, red flag, low selftsteem, etc will fall with this kind of guy. Like attracts like. Became a high value man and more high value woman will be attracted to you.
     
  10. Paulie G.

    Paulie G. Fapstronaut

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    Wow, this sounds rare. Do you think it's realistic to look for that?

    I think i might come up with something, thanks for your suggestions.

    That's a fair point. But in my defense i have to say that i genuinely don't know how to start (apparently i have to start it) a conversation. I don't work with women, i'm in college. And speaking with the cashier... idk.

    I have tried something similar last year. I thought i start asking for directions and then eventually it will become normal and i can start a normal conversation. But it really didn't work that way. As long as i had a legitimate reason to talk to them(asking for direction, time) i could do it, but as soon as i tried to start a "pointless" conversation, like "nice weather, huh?" or something like this, i couldn't do it. Let alone complimenting them... I threw a couple of handgrenades in my life and jumped out of airplanes, but that i couldn't imagine doing. It's crazy if you think about it, i think i am way more scared by the thought of embarassing myself than of death.

    I really ask myself how do people find eachother? I have never witnessed a dude going up to a girl he didn't know and yet everyone seems to be doing just fine. It's like there is some secret, that everybody knows and i don't. Or maybe it's because i don't have Instagram, Snapchat, etc...?

    btw i already made a thread about this: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/what-do-you-mean-by-talking-to-girls.275593/#post-2526293
     
  11. Manlikehero

    Manlikehero Fapstronaut

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    You have to separate your self from the feeling you have now and trust that the tomorrow will be better. Its most likely just all in your head and part of the prossess of robooting. Also its seem like you are working hard everyday so have you tried to have days off, just to relax?
     
  12. Winner1237

    Winner1237 Fapstronaut

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    exactly!!! i had a friend who was that like that too. when he ''finally'' got a gf he told me it was like u said. in life u only need urself, if u have issues before a gf youll probably have them when u get a gf..
     
  13. Tonfo

    Tonfo Fapstronaut

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    That is such a funny piece of advice I love it! I have heard of the law of attraction, and I have always wanted to read Napoleon's Hill book about mindset. I think is a pretty interesting concept, worth trying out for sure.
     
  14. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    You don't need to talk to random girls. If you are in college surely you have some girls in your classes. You should be going to social events where there are men and women.
     
  15. I can absolutely empathize, but I think one of the reasons you are doing this is to get a gf. And hey, there is nothing wrong with that! Trying to appear more attractive to the opposite (or same) sex is never s bad thing. In fact, it is totally healthy. The reasons I am here too is to improve myself and to get a gf.

    I think the important thing to remember here is that while getting a gf is certainly a goal, it is not the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is to better yourself, and that is a unending journey my friend. Fall in love with the self-improvement process. Love yourself every minute for doing so. Emulate the Greek King Sisyphus, who constantly was pushing a boulder uphill only to have it fall back to the bottom after nearly reaching the top; but understand that Sisyphus was always happy because life is about the journey and not the destination.

    The destination is just a byproduct of the journey. A girl friend is the byproduct of your struggle and journey.

    "A woman or girl friend should only ever be a compliment to a mans life. They should never be the focus of it."
    -Rollo Tomassi (paraphrased)
     
  16. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    If you are a guy that have all that properties (high value man) you want an equal, so you will look for a woman like you to be your girlfriend or wife. Yes, there are woman like that out there but the only way you can date them is to be a high value man first. To fool around and just have fun you can date as many hot low value woman as you like.
    But if you are still a low value man and you don't aim to be a high value man, you can only dream to date girls like that, and you will settle with low value womans for girlfriends and wife, and it's reasonable because you are equals.
     

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