How do you know you’re recovered?

Please read my essay False Freedom, it may help. Link in sig

 

Ah, my bad. I didn’t see your requirement of 1+ years or 3+ years clean.

I don’t claim to have the answers, just like to share reflections that helped me in my journey. It may not be the same for everyone. I hope you find the essay useful.

 

This is a good video on the matter

 

Healing to me means having a good libido, confident having sex, and just feel in good spirits. You just feel "right". You'll know. Trust me. The same way you know you're in a flatline... you just know. Good luck.

 

I think the answer to your question is different for every person and their unique situation. You're seeking an outside answer to validate your process instead of looking within.

Being totally healed is subjective anyway. I think it's better to ask if you can meet your goals and be functional and more at ease with life.

I used to have a really strong computer gaming addiction in addition to PMO. I began to get bored of it when I turned 30 and my wife caught me playing one night and said how juvenile I looked. That really cut all my remaining interest in gaming. I deleted the MMORPG accounts that I had spent a decade cultivating and quit. I had a compulsive chess app thing going on for a bit, but that subsided eventually too.

It wasn't enough to stop playing computer games, I had to develop new healthy exercise habits and I also returned to school and a new career.

I've tried getting back into gaming recently but it's boring to me and I hardly can play for more than an hour. I crave real human connection and meaningful work. I just relapsed after a four-day streak and the porn was not as interesting or arousing to me as it has been in the past. I want to say that is important progress.

So I'd say for myself, patience is important as is doing positive things with your life and the addiction will fade and die on its own. It's a process that unfolds in its own time, I don't think there is one single thing that will guarantee success.

 

hokipa, great question, and one that probably does have different answers depending on who you ask (even for those that have been living in freedom for a while).

I was addicted to porn for over 20 years, and finally experienced what absolutely feels like freedom beginning 2 1/2 years ago. Something really clicked for me when I implemented a clear, concrete plan that addressed the urge itself.

In other words, when I feel the urge to watch porn for example, but choose not to watch it, I am left with figuring out what to DO with that urge that is still there.

A lot of clarity came when I realized that this was the crux of the problem. If I can just handle and process that urge in a healthy, effective way, then I can be free. This is what I did, using a clear, effective plan, which utilizes truths that we know about handling feelings. It took a bit of practice, but after just a few times trying it out, I knew something had clicked (literally within a few weeks). I could feel my brain being rewired. I knew I was "processing" my urges, rather than simply trying to fight them or push them away (which hadn't worked for over 20 years).

And, like learning a new skill, I got better at it. It became easier. The urges got less intense, and less frequent. And, importantly, I felt absolutely confident about the next urge that came. Because I knew EXACTLY what to do whenever I felt the next urge. I knew I had a plan that worked.

So for me, I knew I was free when I was able to confidently answer this question: Can I effectively handle and process the next urge?

This was my experience. I hope this helps!

 

When I feel an urge, I implement a four step plan that spells the acronym P.A.T.H.:

P - Pause and take a breath.

A - Acknowledge the urge ("Hm, I am feeling the strong urge to watch porn.").

T - Timer: set a timer for ten minutes, and simply allow the urge to be there during those ten minutes.

H - High five yourself! Record your win somewhere that you can see it regularly.

If ignoring the urge is working for you, keep doing that! Ignoring or resisting the urge rarely worked for me. I follow what many therapists and emotion experts talk about, which is "turning towards" the feeling, acknowledging it, and giving it permission to be there. And maybe this is similar to what you're doing.

Hope this helps! Keep going!