How do you refuse porn and porn subs without blockers?

I've never used any blockers. I'm on day 30 and basically I just told my self I was done with PM. Then I stuck to it. At the end of the day not looking at P is up to you, and you finding a way to just tell yourself no. It gets easier the longer you do it.

 

I've never done blockers, but I can see myself going to lengths to undo them. Without them it's been about 99% successful. Its that 1% when when I let my subconcious take over thats the problem. Got to change my way of thinking.

 

Whatever works best for you. It may help get through that difficult first week.

 

I love this thread, what a great questin for us all to ask ourselves.
I was very scared six years ago to get a smart phone. It sounds silly to be scared of p&m but I had realized that it was leading me inexorably towards a fate worse than death. That's not exaggeration, and on the death part I had realized that every time I felt suicidal I had just masturbated earlier that day. Ok, easy fix don't masturbate. Well back then I could never go more than twenty eight days, I kept a very careful count. Ok easy fix don't feel bad about it. I tried that one time too and that's when I was introduced to the fate worse than death thing. I discarded my extreme shame and guilt about pm and at first it felt great, what a relief why didn't I do this sooner I thought! A huge weight off my shoulders plus I "get to" pm "all I want." Then the thinking started. Plus I had dismantled all my feeling apparatus: I couldn't feel anything except a little fear, what would normally be a blasting klaxon of fear was barely able to register in me as a vague uneasiness in the back of my mind, often as "shouldn't I be more afraid?" After a few days I went back to what had seemed to work before. Went with that for several years with no more success at not using pm than before, but I had a plan. I guess I thought any day now it was all going to click, all my effort and striving would be worth it when I got cured somehow. It was a pathetic next few years after that, always grasping at straws, frustrated and unsure what the problem really was. That was more than a decade ago. A bunch of stuff happened, my life got worse and I finally saw that I was screwed, no matter where I turned there was no way I was going to be able to not use pm. Empirically, theoretically, anecdotally, there was no reason to think I would ever stop. A bunch more stuff happened and I haven't had to use any form or amount of pornography or masturbation for 2397 days. And a lot of that has been with a smart phone that has never had blocking software on it. At any time if day or night, including right now, I could get on porn, soft hard whatever kind, and thankfully haven't had to. One time someone asked me how can one live free of pm without fear of pm. I think the answer is in the question.

 

Exactly, the answer is in the question: Refuse.
Think in how much hurt porn has made to you? How much time has robbed you? How much time wasted?
Do you really want to quit of porn? because it's a matter of willpower and I'm afraid you desire to view porn again.

In some way you're thinking your friend is forbidding the smartphone and pc at full potential for that reason you want it at full potential (that means use of porn and psubs…freedom, isn't it?) You are the real people you have to use those blockers…you have the right to use it or not, I have to insist…it's a matter of willpower. You have to don't desire porn since the first day. That's the effort man. Rid off this shit is very hard.

I don't know if you're adicted to another sort of things like internet, youtube, instagram…because you're using a simple phone. I thought about that many times, not for the fact of use porn, or psubs with it. It's about of I don't need all those apps. I don't need social media accounts. I hate whatsapp but I have to use because all my friends are using it and if you're not using…you're out of the friendship circle. It's sad but it is what it is. I don't need all of that annoying things.

I would recommend to use porn blockers at the beginning the first 90 days (but you have the real people to block your pc and phone, it requires willpower)
The withdrawal will come since day 1 and you have to learn to love it, because that will means the quit is working.

You have to put boundaries in your mind too, you have to avoid to look girls and women in creepy way. You have to be ready to arousal images out in the streets…because porn and psubs are everywhere. Take care.

 

i just dont understand the concept of the blocking things....that makes no sense to me, man. The concept in itself is so fucking meaningless.....like if you cant access P in your phone or laptop, you will eventually find a way (borrow some one else's...)

Best thing is to not actively seek triggers.

If you really wana do it you will PMO, thats why its important to think about why you want to do Nofap.

 

I try not to ever argue, any time I am negative I endanger my happiness and chances of not having to pm+ today. Hopefully it does no one any harm for me to say that the seemingly synonymous things "live free" and "refuse" are actually not the same, they might be if refuse is "thanks but no thanks" said by a heavy user not an addict and without need for judgmentalism of what is refused (ie no moralizing just choosing what seems most helpful). I just worry, since I've seen it happen so many times that refuse could be taken to mean resist. Again, I know people this works for and I hope some people here have success with it but other people will not and the crap thing in life is how do we know which type we are? I may be misunderstanding what's been said but "just say no" hurt so bad for me years ago plus it never got me if pm+, if it did id be doing it in spite of the pain. But of course there are many things in my life that I can and do "just say no" to and I think that proves that there are people who can do that on things I am not able to just say no to. It's impossible to put into words but I hope to get close when I say that what I resist persists but if I accept and let go I get what I always wanted.

 

Once you get over this addiction it just doesnt have the same draw or appeal that it used to. Recovering alcoholics have to walk past pubs and bars everyday, we have to see sexualised advertisements and porn popups, that's our struggle. I still sometimes get porn popups on movie streaming sites, they used to trigger the hell out of me, now I just smile and close the tab, not any more pmo my old friend, not any more

 

wow you are incredible! 2397 days??? Please tell me what happened just prior to the start of those 2397 days free. How were you able to just suddenly change in the blink of an eye? Was it that you realized you were doomed and that the only way to possibly live life would be without pm? Had you reached a breaking/turning point? Please do share with me your story about how you changed

God bless you

 

Please tell me what happened just prior to the start of those 2397 days free. How were you able to just suddenly change in the blink of an eye? Was it that you realized you were doomed and that the only way to possibly live life would be without pm? Had you reached a breaking/turning point? Please do share with me your story about how you changed

---: It's hard to say, anything that we say is likely to be both true and false at the same time so I try to hold everything loosely, in my own mind and what people say. Obviously I often have to recommit to that loosely hold ideas thing, it's the most natural thing in the world for us to think in terms of right and wrong good bad true false etc. I heard a porn addict who had been free for a long time say he had a suspicion that most of us PAs have intense rigidity of thought and he met a brain scientist who told him that people in general think in black and white terms. I don't know about othert people but me that hurts like hell is the only reason I try not to whenever I can.

The same can be said for me for pm+, hurt like hell. But the difference I couldn't stop for that reason. Don't know why, and it sure seems like fifteen years of trying religion therapy sex with a loving spouse, hobbies, self flagellation, exercise and keeping busy (had kids, friends etc) would have worked . So I definitely resonated with what you said of "doomed.". That was definitely a big part of it. There are so many things in life that I am not even close to doomed: wanted a degree got it, same for the next one and a foreign language and numerous jobs etc. Went out did what you have to do got it. But not with pm+. I bet there are others on this site like me. How many hundreds of resets while trying all kinds of tricks does it take to say "this isn't going to work this way, something has to fundamentally change.". I really do mean that as an open question because there's always the reasonable hope that if I try this new thing I just heard about it might work because I've never tried it so I can't say for sure it won't work if I don't try. And the same with things I tried, maybe I didn't try them hard enough or the right way. That is legitimate, that could very well be true. For me the striving started to hurt as much as the shame, it's tiring now just to think about all that effort. And so much of it was to be a good person, according to my idea of what that meant such as "I should not even think these things" which carries the implication "or I'm bad". That is a universal human thought, my children are developing that despite very good, privileged childhoods and every effort on the part of two parents to put them in touch with unconditional love. But how can we be unconditionally loving? Is that possible for us? Not sure.

To your idea "the only way to live life would be without pm". Another paradox, that is definitely what I thought consciously but I didn't know that inside I was desperate to sabotage my own efforts because part of me didn't want to stop. Can you imagine never pm+? Seemed like cruel and unusual punishment, I had all kinds of reasons why that was beyond unnecessary into unthinkable. I didn't know it at the time but my feeling was I couldn't live with pm+ and I couldn't live without them. Sounds silly, no one ever died from not masturbating or looking at pornography and some people have died from autoerotic asphyxiation. But it wasn't just melodrama, part of me believed I couldn't our wouldn't live without it. There was some truth to it not sure how, not a physical death I don't think is what I was scared of but just things like "how do you sleep at night if not with pm?" And "how do you stop the voices of not via the five seconds of silence in the mind that I get with m, hours of beautiful mindlessness chasing the dragon of p...". My mind exploded with mo and I loved it that was what I lived for it seemed, it was so great compared to the "Nwanwanwanwa" a million miles a minute that was always in my head when I wasn't mo'ing.

But this could all sound like I realized things and fixed myself that is definitely not what happened. Of course we all wish for that to be how it stops, somebody tell me the right ideas that'll stop me. But I can always sabotage that, if nothing else I can get a good run of a few years and then "slip" as if it just happens to me . I'm up against millions of years of instinct for sex and inherent selfishness that is tied to and yet at the same time at odds with my survival instincts, not to mention other influences around me in a much larger system than I could ever hope to overpower. Maybe the best way to say it is I stopped without hope of staying stopped, just because I had no good options and in that NOT-trusting the process I was put n touch with a solution to what I had been very sure was unsolvable. I don't know how it works for anyone, not myself and certainly not anyone else but there are a lot of actions I took. They don't guarantee anything but I bet my life on them every day, the last 2410 I've not had only not had to commit suicide on the installment plan but inexplicably been happy about not having to pm+ I'd had a few days of real happiness before, at least I thought it was real I may not have had a proper working definition but it didn't include not pm, not for long those two things didn't go together before I could have happiness xor "monk mode" (at the time I was committed to not orgasming since I was not yet married, not that I stuck to that ) not both. I don't try to scare myself out of it anymore, and sometimes it is uncomfortable. For instance today I was troubled by sexual thoughts about people I know well and do not intend to think of that way, very explicit fantasy that I didn't like. But I don't get the results I like from fighting that, there are other ways to go about things that for me work better. I know I'm being cagey because it's so easy to misunderstand, to say "oh I'll try that" and it not work and we just get butter and cynical "that it's one more thing that doesn't work.". Anyone who's like me and wants to know more I'm happy to give you my phone number and do anything I can to help.