How do you stop getting your self worth from women ?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Kman20, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    I still deal with this issue and still have needy traits that I rrally want to deal with. I want to be able to live my life without wanting a partner so desperately but it’s super hard. Any who’s been through this and can give me some advice ? How do you get your self worth from someone other than an attractive woman ? How do I stop putting them above me ? And rather on the same level as me.
     
  2. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

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    Start doing something meaningful with your life, it can be anything, arts, business, some startup, at your job, anything at all. When you become productive, you become confident. Confidence helps you see what things really are, and the sense of purpose in life stops you from needing someone to feel meaningful. It's a complicated process, but it works. It needs effort from your side, and the results will be worth it.
     
  3. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    This may be true. I do have drawing as a hobby I’ve been neglecting and writing. I guess I’ll try commiting to these two areas of interest a lot more and see what comes of it.
     
  4. TopGun777

    TopGun777 Fapstronaut

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    Find what makes your soul happy. And start doing it. The women will come naturaly.
     
  5. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Are you sure about this ? What do you di that makes your soul happy friend ? I’m just curious and want to see someone living this mindset.
     
  6. TopGun777

    TopGun777 Fapstronaut

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    I like helping people spiritually, that makes me feel good. And women see this.
     
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Find things that you value and place more importance on than someone's physical attributes.

    If you've experienced being around attractive people enough, you would know that physical attributes is a very small part of what makes up a person.

    Not every person is worth your time / focus / energy / investment. Attractive people are no different. If you're willing to throw everything out the window for someone you barely know, then you reinforce the belief that you aren't worthy of them (you also communicate that to them as well). It comes off as very fake. "I don't know you, but you're hot... so please like me. Forget everything else I've got going on in my life because it's not as important as your physical attributes."

    How do you stop seeing them superficially? Get to know them better.
     
    Casey54, Majik and koolpal like this.
  8. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    I'm on your level, I find it super hard to not want a partner. I am trying though, I've always enjoyed acting so I signed up to an improver course. I like fitness so I'm doing the insanity program. One of the best things I recently discovered following my breakup with my ex is a relationship expert called Coach Corey Wayne. He has hundreds of videos on You Tube which have given me lots of insight and (some) success with other women that I wouldn't have had otherwise.
    Apart from that, I guess it's all about mindset and I've yet to experience the whole "women will come to you naturally", although a NoFap streal definitely helps with this.
     
    Kman20 likes this.
  9. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Stop yourself from constantly pining over them. This requires immersing yourself into improving your own life so much so that you don't have the time to waste pining over women that are not worth your time.
     
    Casey54, Majik and Kman20 like this.
  10. Pepezapallito

    Pepezapallito Fapstronaut

    Estás alimentando el ego y no tu autoestima. Tienes los conceptos totalmente equivocados. Estás buscando aprobación de los demás. Estás buscando afuera lo que debes buscar adentro tuyo.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  11. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    You must first accept this: if it’s coming from someone else, it’s not self-worth. It may feel good, but it is not self-worth.

    As you separate yourself from what others think of you, you’ll be forced into thinking about yourself. A lot of people flee into the thoughts of others because their own thoughts about themselves are just twisted. So you gotta set those self-thoughts straight. Be fair with yourself, be caring but also hold yourself to honesty. It’ll take time, but eventually you’ll rip out the weeds that plague your heart and grow into self-worth.
     
  12. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Ay yo hold up!
     
    Pepezapallito likes this.
  13. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    That's a tricky question. A lot of people you will ask will claim to not define themselves by how women treat them. Most of those people are lying.
    I still get positive feelings when some broad hits on me, or negative feelings when some miserable bitch tries to ruin my day.
    What helped me was realizing that women are just human beings with flaws. Some look dull with makeup, some make poor life choices, some are depressed etc.
     
    Kman20 likes this.
  14. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    So how do i do this ? Like what are the action steps ?
     
  15. LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself

    LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself Fapstronaut

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    Kman, I've seen you in here before and you seem like an awesome dude.

    Here are some thoughts I have on the subject.

    You can use any or all of them, or throw them into the trash if they don't make sense.

    1. Self-worth can be bought. Yep. If you want it, go earn it. Develop a skill, start a business, get a black belt, write a book,
    run a marathon, whatever.

    2. Self-worth is free. Yep. There are no prerequisites. If you believe you are a quality person, then you are. Are you in jail? No. Are you a decent person who tries to do the right thing? Yes. That's all that is required.

    The reason is that you are God's unique creation. If God thought you were junk, you'd have never made it this far.

    3. Always remember that other people can't usually value you. If I perform my music for an audience, there will be some people who like it. These people know how the song goes, and sometimes they learn it at home. They can appreciate it. But many people at a performance are just there to use the bathroom. All they notice is that there is music coming from the stage. They don't know any more about it and don't care. They might appreciate it in the future, but right now they can't because their life path doesn't allow for it at this juncture.

    4. People only know themselves. It's a weird thing but if somebody says to me, "Your music is terrible," it actually has nothing to do with my music. Isn't that weird? They are talking about my music, but at the same time, they aren't.

    The reason someone says my music is terrible (this has happened, btw), is because they are a fan of bands that are complete crap. As time went by, they realized that they only liked crap, and their friends rewarded them for liking this crap. They can't like music that is not crap, they were socially programmed to seek out crap. So when they see something that is not crap, they know that their buddies can't reward them for liking this music that is not crap. Since they can't be rewarded for music that is not crap, that music must be defective somehow, and is therefore, crap.

    But is it crap? No. Other people only hear music through the lens of their lives. This lens is tainted to the point of obsolete ness. If I shined a flashlight through the head of any person over the age of 21, light would not come out of the other side! It has nothing to do with intelligence. It is their life, experience, knowledge, and loads of other inputs that have nothing to do with my music that is not crap to be called crap by that person.

    And I know my music is not crap, because I have 170+ listeners right now. It's one thing to have 5 or 10 of my buddies to hit the like button. Getting into triple figures requires good material.

    5. Make the decision to be happy with life. If you decide, nobody can change your thoughts, your feelings or your identity. God gave you those things, and nobody has an influence. I'll prove it. Ok right now, I want you to think about me. Think hard. Now I want you to think of me committing suicide. Go to the depths! Imagine how bad I should feel, how sad I am, how my llfe is worthless. Focus on it with some serious effort.

    Now come to my journal tomorrow and see if I died from suicide. No. Because what you'll see at my journal is a rant about the prices of gas, how much I love running, about music, or some other weirdness. And that same impact you had on me, which was none at all, is how much others can affect you. Never forget that.

    Word to yo motha!
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  16. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Wow. I seriously learn so much from nofap I’m gonna have to send a check. I have this problem but it seems to happen on some days.
     
  17. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

    @letter @LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself
    Great things being said here... small thought to add:

    Even though we shouldn't derive our worth from others...
    Doing well at serving others is the fountain of self-worth.
     
    letter likes this.
  18. Dag

    Dag Fapstronaut

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    Not a single hobby will replace that

    Just hit on as many girls as you want.

    Get dating/sexual experience and this will begin to fall in place

    Hit on as many as you can and you will build options for yourself, that alone will boost your confidence and you will stop putting woman on a pedestal.

    Just be aware that it takes hard work.
     
    Ra's Al Ghul and Kman20 like this.
  19. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    This is what I have actually bene thinking of. Since I don’t have much exp with women atm they’re like a novelty to me, like the guy striving to get that new Audi once he finally gets that car it loses it’s novelty(most of the time).

    I think to stop stressing over it so much is to get familiar with it. I started thinking about this after attending a speed dating event last night.
     
  20. LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself

    LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself Fapstronaut

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    If you truly feel that way, you should join them and support the site. This site and program has really helped me, and supporting it helps a lot of people who can benefit from this life change.
     
    vxlccm and need4realchg like this.

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