How does it feel to relapse after a long time?

There's a wide range. Many people feel nothing but overwhelming regret. Yet, that's not the case for everyone. For instance, I have not felt anything but relief when relapsing, so it was important for me to realize why I wanted to quit. I talked about that here.

 

Well I remember when I fantasized about a girl at 81 days. I got this super intense erection, best in my life probably.
And I jazzed in my pants from thinking about a girl (no Masturbation). The orgasm was pretty intense for no touching.

Other times when I'm early in my reboot, I feel nothing but regret like seth said. Don't relapse dude, fully reboot.

 

I was on day 60. I relapsed and I still regret about it. I just wanted to try MO without P. It was just my mind trying to trick me to orgasm. It felt good for a while but again I got trapped into that cycle for about a month. After that here I am on day 10. That relapse taught me one lesson. Don't relapse. It's never good. So I would suggest you to not try it.

That's just my opinion. There are some people who have great control over themselves. They relapse and from the next day they're back at it.

 

Yes. I started to M after a long streak. Lead to a PMO relapse. I basically just substituted the PMO for just the MO addiciton. Bottom line it feels horrible. Regular M is not a good idea. This will lead the brain to want more dopamine....

 

Good to know. Will remember that. Should be more aware of the dark forces surrounding me.

 

I relapsed after 150 days. I hated it even while doing it. It just wasn't me anymore. Before NoFap, I'd enjoy the kicks and only afterwards I would feel like crap and hate myself. This time, I disliked it more by the minute. Yeah, I finished, but ten seconds after O it was like "So THIS is what you crave? Ugh."

It's not worth it.

 

it sux, total regret

 

Exactly!

 

Such things can happen after no masturbation for several months? Wow! I want that experience!

 

You'd expect someone who has gone the distance to have also lost the desire for P.

That's why I kind of distrust the narrative along the lines of 'you will always be an addict'. Because you'll always be believing that the desire will always be there, and that you will have to remain eternally vigilant lest it outwit you. To me that is setting yourself up for failure... at some point... somewhere.......... in the near.........................or distant future.

 

100 days is actually not that long a time for life-change, for an adult. Or it depends what you do and experience in that time.
'You will always be an addict' is a cruel verdict. As it is possible to change our behaviour it is possible to change our ways of thinking. And so I'm going that route. Of course our past experiences will always be a part of us, especially those which we repeated over and over.

However we stay sexual beings. I don't think it's wrong or weak to look at a beautiful woman, to be aroused accidentally or to have fantasies that goes beyond reality. But we are all here because we go too far and to the wrong places. So the question is: how do we get there?
I relapsed and binged as if there was no tomorrow. That is a complex bundle of behaviours, not only sexual, which I was able to just tame a little bit. But with binging they come out all together.
So my thought is: I can't just pretend as they aren't there. Besides getting progress with pro-activity I should do something against those hidden demons.
Not that I want to demonize anything. But you have to name it somehow, adress it.
Porn has corrupted my sexual taste and expectations. Isn't it stupid to just go: "I focus on my life, train myself to avoid porn or even every sexual thought" - of course it will change things. But what about the subconscious wishes to perform actions you've trained your brain to enjoy, which however aren't doable, morally objectionable,
or even illegal in real life? Or be it just that the things that you arouse you in your imagination are not what you want to do in real life, because they aren't you.
I don't want to sound overly pessimistic. I've made had improvements myself since NoFap.
But I'm thinking that I have somehow to "reprogram" my brain. Well, I already did it by reading and discussing in this forum: a whole new way of think about porn-addiction (before I wasn't even knowing the word porn-addiction).
But now shouldn't I somehow teach my brain (/teach me) to desire differently than before? I'm speaking of sexual desires. Because as I said we are sexual beings and we can't just abandon that part!


Please tell me where I'm wrong and why. Or reveal how you managed to get a better equilibrium between life and sexus.

 

I'm convinced that the 'subconscious', aka your passions, need to be trained to take pleasure in alternative 'higher' things. Maybe this is what they meant by the distinction between 'high brow' and 'low brow', which I always found an odd term.

This is the practicality of classical [Mediterranean] culture, which connected Eros to the 'divine' [it need not be monkish]. Modern puritanism simply sought to repress the passions. And we all know what a disaster that turned out to be.

The essential idea is sublimation:

"the diversion of the energy of a sexual or other biological impulse from its immediate goal to one of a more acceptable social, moral, or aesthetic nature or use."

 

Its not pleasant. Returning to it after years (I kicked the habit out of intense self fear and loathing at 14) at about the age of 17 felt just as accidental, embarrassing and surprisingly overwhelming as the very first time, though i haphazardly knew what to expect.

I felt like someone had took a anvil made of solid lead to my pelvis and then picked it up and crushed my head with shame. To some it sounds like a extreme daredevil's kick, but the consequences are far graver than breaking some bones (not to trivialize people with intense conditions) as it re-summons a personal demon back into your life.

 

I just relapsed. My old record was 17 days set 3 years ago and my new years resolution was to do at least 1 month. I got to 40 today and fapped, and it was glorious. I could feel my brain rushing with chemicals and I was happy that I was able to get to 40 days. Then about 10 minutes later I felt extreme depression and shame. I felt such negative feelings that I didn't even understand why I was feeling like this. I was depressed for a few hours until everything normalized inside of me. I'm ok now, gonna probably take it easy for a few weeks and try to get to 100 days.

 

If you go and dig up the Relapses and Resets section, you'll find a great deal of reports that pretty much say "10 seconds of pleasure and X days/months of rewiring/change gone to thrash, inducing trememdous regrets and guilt" with the words "Very much worth avoiding" apposted to it!

Sorry to hijack the thread, but would you have any valuable links to ressources regarding this Sexual Energy Sublimation? The way you describe it here, is something I've always found would be a powerful way to tame "the dark side" of my sexual habits.

 

I'm very much interested in the idea of sublimation. I think it is something you have to work out psychologically/ existentially [as opposed to theoretically]. Interestingly, when I went to wiki [when all else fails right], I see Mr. Nietzsche mentioned alongside Freud. I snip and paste a little:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sublimation_(psychology)

Freud and Nietzsche are both post-modern [hyper-modern?] thinkers; they begin the subversion of thinking of ourselves as somehow outside natural/ historical processes and looking in [the objective 'God's eye' view]. The 'pre-modern' view, the older classical view, is the one I am very much interested in. Time and again, Plato draws the connection between Eros and Art, and we all know philosophy is a series of footnotes to Plato.

For myself, I tamed the 'dark horse' with a re-education of desire [will]. I learnt to take pleasure in 'higher' things, which is just the development of aesthetic taste/ judgement. How is that for the practicality of Art!

 

man i just relapsed after 1 month reboot, my sensivty was back just for 1 day then the next day i waked up and my sensivity is gone wtf. did that happened to you too?

 

One of the most recent times I masturbated was a few years ago after a year and change with no pm+. What it was like was that I found out what true happiness was after I lost it. They say you don't know what you've got till it's gone that is the best way to sum up my last relapse. It's like I have cancer of the soul, it was in remission and then I got sick again. I didn't really feel feelings other than a lot of fear. Not fear of consequences but fear of never being free again, like I had gone past a point of no return. Thankfully there is a solution but I felt and thought that I would not stay off pm+ and that obsessive pessimism stuck for about two or three years, of course it gradually got less strong and less believable over those years thank goodness. I don't recommend it, relapse after months of not being in active addiction. I've rarely heard anybody say it was worth it or even much fun. If course when I was going back to pm+ every few days

 

I basically feel like shit pure drained the next day. It’s day 2 now and I feel better and more motivated to stuff