How does long abstinence feel?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by monachus, Feb 8, 2014.

  1. monachus

    monachus Fapstronaut


    I wonder if abstinence feels the same for everyone, or maybe not at all? For those "experienced ones" among you, do you see some pattern how your body and mind reacts?

    I made this experiment ones before for myself for a long time period. I cannot say that sexual desire decreased at all, but some seem to say it does for them? I also had the feeling, that when not having masturbated a while -- a bit hard to describe -- it can feel in the body similar as if close to edging, even though you really don't do anything. Is the sexual energy just building up like this?

    It also can be simply painful at times, but is this just me?

    Also one curious thing: I am sceptical about this cold shower thing since this goes a direction I am sceptical of. I notice that the mind can escape in some fantasies replacing the sexual longing -- when monks, be they Buddhist or Christian, live abstinent, some classical texts write of ascetical practices inflicting pain on their bodies, like throwing themselves into thorny bushes, whiping themselves or such crazy stuff... It seems doing something painful becomes a replacement to sex and I do not think this is really healthy... But I see how long abstinence can cause such fantasies, and there I do not think this is good.

    Anybody having some thoughts on this?

    Last edited: Feb 8, 2014
  2. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Hi, I'm not really long term but have gone 70+ days without orgasm or looking at porn etc so I guess I can offer a few words.

    Like anything it was tough at times in the beginning and after 2-3 weeks I experienced what we call 'blue balls' which to me was a dull ache and a feeling of being ready to burst etc and it was whilst making enquiries about this that I discovered sexual energy transmutation.

    Whilst learning the simple techniques involved (no pain but plenty of gain!) I was able to move beyond the discomfort by learning how to move the aroused sexual energy around my body. I also learned how to gently massage the testicles and pelvic floor whilst moving energy and I try do this as often as I can now (which is infinitely more appealing than throwing myself into a thorny bush!!;))

    I have no idea what the thinking is behind cold showers and I didn't look into this because I didn't really need to I guess (actually it's because I hate them and I'd rather have had blue balls!!:D)

    I have not had a wet dream either and I suspect this is due to my learning how to circulate the energy via the massage/meditations etc but I don't know for sure as I'm very much still learning?

    I do get these bursts of energy and creativity though (even more than I used to because I always have) and to be honest I had one on here today where I just sat at the computer and before I knew it I'd almost taken over the entire forum!!:D and I really need to watch myself as I can get a little manic sometimes so its good to supplement your practice with hobbies and interests and meditation etc (which I'm going to do in a minute to stop me completely clogging the forum!;))

    I can honestly say I don't struggle not to PMO but that may well be a combination of my age (46), personal situation (rebooting entire life after marriage break-up), the transmutation stuff, my approach etc? I guess everyones journey is different but heres a couple of links about my approach and energy transmutation if your interested...!!)-Dealing-with-withdrawal
  3. William

    William Fapstronaut

    Hi monachus. Physically I did not notice a lot of changes, though I did notice my voice becoming consistently lower. Of course, in the beginning, withdrawals, which are mental, emotional, and physical pain in some form. Mentally, once I got past the withdrawals, I believe there is a greater clarity to my thoughts, more focus, more purpose. That is probably the absence of the "brain fog" that constant dopamine release causes us. I don't really think of myself as "abstaining" anymore, my counter is permanently off because I no longer live the porn/PMO/MO lifestyle; it is just something I no longer do. At this point, almost 7 months free, I no longer have serious urges to see porn and I am learning to deal with normal sexual feelings, which for a long time scared the hell out of me for fear they would trigger a relapse. Now I just have to deal with them like a regular guy, meaning there are a lot of beautiful things in this world and I have permission to notice them without worrying so much they will trigger me. Just don't let those thoughts run into porn.

    You need to get porn free for from 30-90 days (or most guys say) at which point you may reach what some call the "tipping point", where you want NOT to access porn more than you want to. At that point you have less urges, are tempted less, and become significantly more confident porn is behind you.

    Good luck on your journey.
  4. Corcoran978

    Corcoran978 Fapstronaut

    William, I'm glad that you mentioned this "tipping point". I know what this feels like having made it to my 31st day today; I want to NOT PMO, or MO more than I USED TO want to reach for the instant gratification. The gratification that I seek is the satisfaction that I will receive in knowing that I have my will power.
  5. monachus

    monachus Fapstronaut

    At a previous attempt I had the same feeling, especially in the beginning, but I am not sure if that lasted... that I want to find out this time.

    For me I have less problems with quitting porn than with quitting masturbation. Well -- I did in fact live in a monastery for some years and during that time really lived abstinent, but I cannot really say that I reached a tipping point from where it became easier... There is sexual desire all along the path.

    One thing I noticed, the attitude you need for being able to live it is the same attitude you learn in meditation when struggling with the difficulties in your mind -- there is some parallel, and there this clarity comes into play.
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2014
  6. fapcultative

    fapcultative Fapstronaut

    to me it happened the same, and if you achieve the means of properly managing this energy you could have great (spiritual) profit of it.
    And you could have the chance to feel experiences similar to what described in the extassis of certain saint people. (As It happened tome unintentionally in few occasions)

    About the pain, I barely remember some slightly pain at the beggining of my voluntary abstinence, but I have heard is a very common issue in a lot of mans just for having a strong excitation.

    I think it is due to not having the "energy ways" completely prepared for a flow like this.

    About the inflinged suffering: It is said that there was a time in wich suffering was in some ways "necessary" to bring the gods and saints action here. But no longer

    So If I have understood correctly, I say: having fantasies about wanting to have, or inflict pain I think is a question of "excess of energy" :D.

    But if you mean that you have had intense experiences similar to pain, loss of balance or feeling as if you were creeping, dont' worry, is natural process of spiritual growing, as I commented above it happened to me, and I have readed about some people feeling the same.
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2014

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