coldsix
Fapstronaut
I'm 21, new here, I'm a total loser loner virgin & since I was 11/12 I've basically only ever masturbated, I'm convinced I've given myself Death Grip syndrome in some way, a number of months ago I received a blowjob and during this I noticed myself barely feeling anything at all, it was almost terrifying, it was almost right at the moment my cock was in her mouth and I realized that I wasn't actually feel anything I instantly started internally panicking, I was super dissapointed at the fact that I just was not feeling anything at all, I initially got hard as it began because of the atmosphere leading up to it in the minutes before but then as soon as it started I think I got into my head and pretty soon after not feeling anything I went soft, I was so embarrassed as it continued and my cock was just not getting hard at all, now I'm pretty openly honest in person with people so pretty quickly I kinda just said it how it was and I told her that I'm sure I had death grip syndrome and I let her know about it, I wanted to make sure she didn't feel bad about how it went because it really wasn't her fault at all as I could tell she knew what she was doing.
But yeah, that was months ago but still to this day I'm touching myself all the time, I have a weird connection to masturbation though, when it comes to viewing porn I find myself kind of feeling obligated to look at it, almost like it's automatic and I don't feel much to it, and also I don't always look at it, sometimes I find myself just wanting to get hard for the sake of it so I can go really hard to just cum in a couple minutes, I have no idea why I do it, it's like I get a little shot of horny-mind and suddenly I want to cum, but I also have times where I feel like I want to touch myself relaxingly in a calm way to see the effectiveness of my erections but even in moments like that where I want to focus on it I find myself just wondering off and not paying attention, I couldn't tell at that point if it was a mental thing or simply I'm just not interested in it anymore and my habits are just automatic?
I desperately want to get normal sensitivity in my penis, I feel like pleasure/excitement is so empty to me now, I constantly think about wanting to do things with a girl and the thoughts are fun but it is then a constant battle in my head and paranoiac juggling of the thoughts of me not getting hard, me not knowing what to do because of it, it's horrible, I tried not touching myself and after about 3/4 days I touched myself a little and noticed it felt nicer when I did so but then I convinced myself it was placebo and I kind of spiralled again, I want to get to the point where touching myself or getting touched by someone else is like an actual sensation, where I feel good upon a hand touching against me, upon a tongue touching against me, I'm 21 & a virgin, my only sexual experience I ever had is something I didn't even feel anything in, whenever I think about doing it again the thought of pleasure being something I'd feel from a blowjob isn't even something I can conceptualize anymore, like I have no idea what that feels like and in my head as I think about it now it's terrifying, it's like my mind is trying to convince me I'm doomed and that pleasure being something I feel in my dick just isn't gonna happen.
I constantly try to imagine what it must feel like receiving a blowjob and actually feeling a sensation, she did so and it was completely numb, just slight movements being felt or slight warmth feelings being felt, but didn't feel good, I want to feel it and actually FEEL a sensation, I think about it and get emotional because I can't imagine it because now all I feel in my head is purely what I experienced, anyway. I want to know how effective could not touching myself be, could it be in a week I start feeling things, months? A year? My connection to masturbation isn't really incredibly strong, when I do it it's not something I set myself up for, I don't prepare and get comfortable, it's kind of something I just do in the moment and I don't always go super hard, I just typically rub pretty fast with my fingers on the underside of the tip of my dick to cum, I don't think I might of done as much damage to my cock as other people might of done.
I apologize for typing so much, I really would appreciate if anybody has been through the same mindframe/thoughts as me, I would like to know how effective not touching yourself is at gaining resensitivity in your penis, how long did it take for you? Do you think I can enjoy a first sexual experience in which I feel something, where my mind doesn't wander? It's what I really desire as an experience, but right now I have 0 confidence, I appreciate anybody who read all of this.
But yeah, that was months ago but still to this day I'm touching myself all the time, I have a weird connection to masturbation though, when it comes to viewing porn I find myself kind of feeling obligated to look at it, almost like it's automatic and I don't feel much to it, and also I don't always look at it, sometimes I find myself just wanting to get hard for the sake of it so I can go really hard to just cum in a couple minutes, I have no idea why I do it, it's like I get a little shot of horny-mind and suddenly I want to cum, but I also have times where I feel like I want to touch myself relaxingly in a calm way to see the effectiveness of my erections but even in moments like that where I want to focus on it I find myself just wondering off and not paying attention, I couldn't tell at that point if it was a mental thing or simply I'm just not interested in it anymore and my habits are just automatic?
I desperately want to get normal sensitivity in my penis, I feel like pleasure/excitement is so empty to me now, I constantly think about wanting to do things with a girl and the thoughts are fun but it is then a constant battle in my head and paranoiac juggling of the thoughts of me not getting hard, me not knowing what to do because of it, it's horrible, I tried not touching myself and after about 3/4 days I touched myself a little and noticed it felt nicer when I did so but then I convinced myself it was placebo and I kind of spiralled again, I want to get to the point where touching myself or getting touched by someone else is like an actual sensation, where I feel good upon a hand touching against me, upon a tongue touching against me, I'm 21 & a virgin, my only sexual experience I ever had is something I didn't even feel anything in, whenever I think about doing it again the thought of pleasure being something I'd feel from a blowjob isn't even something I can conceptualize anymore, like I have no idea what that feels like and in my head as I think about it now it's terrifying, it's like my mind is trying to convince me I'm doomed and that pleasure being something I feel in my dick just isn't gonna happen.
I constantly try to imagine what it must feel like receiving a blowjob and actually feeling a sensation, she did so and it was completely numb, just slight movements being felt or slight warmth feelings being felt, but didn't feel good, I want to feel it and actually FEEL a sensation, I think about it and get emotional because I can't imagine it because now all I feel in my head is purely what I experienced, anyway. I want to know how effective could not touching myself be, could it be in a week I start feeling things, months? A year? My connection to masturbation isn't really incredibly strong, when I do it it's not something I set myself up for, I don't prepare and get comfortable, it's kind of something I just do in the moment and I don't always go super hard, I just typically rub pretty fast with my fingers on the underside of the tip of my dick to cum, I don't think I might of done as much damage to my cock as other people might of done.
I apologize for typing so much, I really would appreciate if anybody has been through the same mindframe/thoughts as me, I would like to know how effective not touching yourself is at gaining resensitivity in your penis, how long did it take for you? Do you think I can enjoy a first sexual experience in which I feel something, where my mind doesn't wander? It's what I really desire as an experience, but right now I have 0 confidence, I appreciate anybody who read all of this.
