how far did you get into porn? ***Warning: possibly triggering content ! ***

I did not get very deep , in my 10 year experience

However i did like lesbians a lot . But porn made me have a thing for black girls . I realize now that i only like them in a sexual way only .

2 nd worse was transwomen .

But most worse is that i once fapped on gay porno

 

I hit some low places. I’ve been Into a few different genres at differnt times some of them at the same time, all of which are mentioned here in this thread. I don’t even want to talk about those things. ALL of it was free and none was on “darknet” ... THIS CRAP IS WAY TO EASY TO ACCESS! I want to be 100% porn free I guess when you have PMO addiction for 30 + years you see a lot of shit and each time I would try some ‘new” genre for a greater “rush” I would just become more numb than the last time. It’s a vicious cycle and VERY DESTRUCTIVE to your mindset there were lines I did not cross thank God (never had any of the experiences in real life) but there were lines I did cross and hope to never cross again ...... I was just so addicted to the rush of Porn - it’s all so seductive and powerful. I wanted to quit because it would trigger depression, stupid level brain fog and I would feel emotionally numb and or guilty afterwards just didn’t seem to care about anything. Oh, I also tried chat.... it wasn’t any one thing really that made me want to permanently quit it’s been a series of things that I am doing to improve my life and returning to my faith and there have been some other “wake up calls” in my life. I think this lifelong PMO addiction is the greatest battle of all and if I can conquer this whether on my own or with help (this forum, counseling, support group, and faith) or however ... then I can conquer anything.

How pathetic I seemed to myself to know this was all bad for me and to realize what it was doing to me but to keep going back. That truly is addiction manifested.

I hope we all make it out to our own individual goals. I’m glad to see the success of so many for 100 days or 365 days or even longer. It gives me hope.

Thanks for letting me talk about it....

 

I have never liked strange porns like hentai....animals....
For me major turn on was interracial....
And old man and young girl....is also my weakness.....
So excess use of porn made me addicted to these two categories

 

The discussion here is appreciated. Even though it's certainly unpleasant. @Ridley has had some good points about the explicit warnings. So far, this thread has the right tone, though. @littlekegger comments all seem to keep things grounded. It helps me to understand what people mean to have a clinical description that is current. Some of us have kids out there being exposed to this stuff, and kids' friends (if not our own old man friends).

I will definitely not get into graphic descriptions -- mostly because I'm ashamed. But, certainly nothing was as bad as most of what people are saying here. A lot of that is because things have gotten so very much worse in this recent 20 years. My line, besides betraying my wife, was just that what porn shows is nothing like what things are in real life, what love looks like.

-- @MonkeyDo

Yep.

If there's any evidence here from all our experience, it's that porn use definitely spirals. Even if some of us know to quit before it gets really bad. In my case, it was more like the hours per day and per week started getting out of control. But, definitely I noticed other tendencies to be interested in really unhealthy things that were nothing like the loving relationship sex is meant to be. I kept fantasy and real life separate, too. But, all the stories about people ending up acting out scare me because I do think those are real tendencies for most people, over time.

Pornography does not satisfy. Like any drug, it causes people to look for more/better worse. The taboo nature of what could be next causes a lot of problems. Don't think less of yourselves for that. It's programming and when we overcome it is when we be better people than just wild animals.

Harsh lessons! But, I'm glad everyone at NoFap is here and learning that and committed to becoming better.

 

Worst was I masturbated to women getting fked by black men (me being a white male). Which is obviously cuckold because i can't possibly imagine being the black dude. Not that "straight" porn with white dudes is good, cause it's not, but at least you can sort of imagine you are the guy.

 

That clearly was dedicated for male audience pleasure. No female with a sane mind would like that. Its like asking 10 grandma squirting in my face...no thank you.

 

I was never into much of the violent genres, but I can relate to pretty much everyone else on this thread. It started when I was young maybe 8 or 9 I would stay up late into the night just so I could watch the Girls Gone Wild infomercials. If I couldn't find that I would search the TV endlessly for something else I could masturbate to. I was into incest at a young age as well. I would walk over to my grandmas house because she had HBO and Cinemax and if she wasn't home I would find something to masterbate to. I would also masterbate to pictures of my cousin and aunt who at the time I wanted to have sex with.
By the time I entered 6th grade I bought a psp and it had an internet browser on it and I used that to Download pictures and videos and that's where my addiction really blossomed. I had the entire internet at my fingertips it was great until my screen cracked and couldn't watch it anymore. I eventually got a smartphone and a computer and the addiction got worse I was viewing harder and harder videos and images. One of my favorite things to was to get really drunk and dress up like a girl and watch sissy porn for hours. Usually with prostate stimulation. And then I decided I was going to add poppers into the mix so I was in a porn induced drunken hypnosis state I got into my car and drove 20 miles to a sex shop that sold amyl nitrates (video head cleaner) and bought those. I should not have been driving. When I inhaled for the first time it was bliss, a great new experience added into the mix. But it gave me the worst headaches. But I could drift off into the most wonderful trance and believe all of the lies the porn was telling me about my sexuality. I also have OCD so it bacame an obsession of mine and started to believe that I wanted to have homosexual experiences. But that's as far as that got. I never met up with any men or trans persons but I wanted to. This whole time I was dating a very lovely girl who I am still with today. This past Christmas/new years I told her everything. A lot of which I have not fully shared on here . But I told her everything and I'm so glad I did. It hurt her because she didn't know that I had such a problem but she was glad that I was honest and it felt good to let someone know me 100% I'm thankful to God for bringing me to a place where I was ready to change, and for giving me such a loving woman.
I guess the point of change for me was when I had to choose which life I wanted to live. Did I want to be a slave to my obsessions and suffer the consequences or would I want to live a life happily ever after.
71 days free today.

 

I think it was the case for me as well. No man with a solid self esteem would masturbate to that. All masturbation to porn is degrading, i remember when i first saw a porn movie I had an inner debate on whether i should or should not masturbate to it. I used to masturbate to pics of solo women, so i wasn't a stranger to mastrubation, but deep down i felt that masturbating watching others have sex is just wrong. Yet I eventually did it... Then years later i masturbated to porn with women and black males. A new low. Then I started watching more and more porn with black males (not exclusively but still).

 

The moment I realised things were getting out of hand was when I would come home late after going to the gym (having worked the entire day before going to the gym) dead tired, And instead of sleeping, I would watch P. Wich would in turn have impact on my sleep and my day and my mood in the morning(feeling disguisted and terrible about myself)
The P that I watched also escalated in transgendered person stuff sometimes but also still straight P, and it made no fcking sense in my mind. Confusing stuff
Luckily I found NoFap and I know I am not alone in this. Thank you all for the storys they really help me out. We can beat this !

 

Watched porns 5 years now and ended with hentai, futanari, erotic asmr and also normal stuff (real people)

 

Same

 

I think i have seen literally everything. Stuff most people on here don't know exists.

But being 64 days in, i am happy to say that with each day, those memories fade further and further away.
They truly haunted me during the first 45-50 days. Shit was horrible.
My brain did everything to keep them in and reject my porn abstinence. And since there is no new stuff coming in or old stuff being refreshed it is slowly giving up.
Thank God.
In half a year, there will probably be nothing left.