How hard is it to start dating at 24 if you have no relationship experience?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by superstorm250, Apr 3, 2017.

  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, I'm a PMO addict of 11 years and I've never had a girlfriend but I have had sex once before at 21. From that first time of having sex, I discovered that I had developed porn-induced ED and couldn't finish, so that's an obstacle that I first need to overcome before I would even try to date anyone. But a lot of times I feel like its not even worth trying at this point because of how inexperienced I am for my age. It seems that most girls are turned off when a guy in my age group and older is inexperienced and never been in a relationship, but its a catch-22 because you can only solve this problem by getting experience, which you can't get because you're inexperienced and that's a turn off. I'm not officially 24 yet, but I'm turning 24 this summer and I really feel like there's no way out of this catch-22 situation if I can't get a relationship because I haven't already been in one. What do you guys think, have any of you been rejected by a girl for being inexperienced or did any of you not get into your first relationship until you were around my age? I hope I'm wrong, just feels like this is an inescapable catch-22.
     
  2. PedroCalrissian

    PedroCalrissian Fapstronaut

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    You have to apply and put yourself out there, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. If you don't try now you'll wake up in 10 years in the same spot woundering where the time went. It seems that you are completely over thinking the situation, they probably don't care as much as you think they do.
     
  3. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I'm actually not that uncomfortable with it, its not like I can't hold onto a conversation with a girl cower in fear when it comes to talking to them, one of my biggest problems is that I'm never around any girls. I work with 1 girl my age who I don't like at all, not even as a friend and that's about it. My classes at school are all other guys so I'm just never around girls on a regular basis anymore like I was in high school. I've thought about trying dating apps and my friend said he would join with me, but we haven't done it yet. And I actually told the girl that I hooked up with how inexperienced I was (I had never even kissed a girl before her) and it didn't deter her at all. I don't know, I feel like I've just convinced myself that was a one time fluke and that the majority of girls are still going to want nothing to do with me because I still have never been in a relationship and only have a small amount of sexual experience.
     
  4. A lot of girls out there are inexperienced too, really great ones! I know some stunners who have had very little interaction with guys just because, like you say, after high school you don't meet as many people. My advice would be, try not to be apologetic or self-conscious about it. Just own it! Brush it off like "oh yeah I haven't had a proper relationship yet, just haven't found someone I've really connected with." If you believe it's not a big deal, it won't be a big deal. But if you walk around like it's super embarrassing, it'll come through and people sense that and then they feel embarrassed for you and you all end up feeling a bit awkward. Confidence and being comfortable with yourself matters more.
     
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  5. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Actually l have still spent a decent amount of time around girls in my current age group, just not on a regular basis and believe me, there are NOT very many girls out there in my age group who are also inexperienced. I've even met girls that are my age and not attractive at all and even they had experience, the girls that you describe are few and far between in my age group. And if by own it you mean accept it as your reality, then I agree with that, but I think its a bad idea to walk around like its something you're proud of because most people are not going to view it as an admirable achievement, they'll view it as the exact opposite in most cases. And that response that you said to give to people who ask would still raise eyebrows, they'll wonder how you've been unable to find not even one girl that you really connected with in at least the past 9 years of your life and then that response will lead them to go on and make assumptions (usually negative) about you. And yes confidence and self comfort are important, but it just feels like there's this unspoken social rule when it comes to relationships that states whoever is more experienced is the dominant one in the relationship and the less experienced partner is the submissive one. So if a girl has more experience than a guy does, then she's forced to be the dominant one and take control even if the inexperienced guy wants to be the dominant one because he won't know what he's doing and it won't work out. Now I know that this doesn't happen all the time, but that appears to be the social norm, which sucks because I have no desire to be the submissive one in a relationship.
     
  6. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    I know what you mean. They do judge you negatively for your inexperience. But it can be turned around. Just don't give a damn, chances are they don't give a damn either. Don't make a big deal out of it.
    And your first relationship does not have to be perfect.
    That could happen, you are right. But what are you going to do? Jump in your DeLorean and travel back in time to date a few girls? I don't think so.
    At least be submissive with style. For example, if you are not sure when to kiss her, just ask "do you want to kiss me?". Ain't no big deal.
     
  7. Ghost_Rider

    Ghost_Rider Fapstronaut

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    Fake it till you make it ;)
    It's always the first time, just be confident, that's all.
    Just make sure the girl you go out with is a good understanding woman, then you won't be too much worried about fucking it up. ;)
     
  8. You're self sabotaging hard. It doesn't have to be something you're proud of, just something you're not phased by. You're so caught up in what people will think and how "embarrassing" it is. I know 2 guys, both mid 20s, both virgins. 1 is clearly embarrassed by it and it's so off-putting. The other 1 is confident and exudes assurance that he just hasn't met that special girl yet. He seems patient and in control. He is very attractive because of it and girls are always interested.

    Why do you want to be in a relationship? Is it because you just want to avoid social embarrassment? Or have sex? Neither of those reasons is good. You should socialise with people because you want a genuine connection with them and then, if you start to really like a girl, pursue a deeper connection with her. I hate the thought of you scouting for some girl just to alleviate your social fears.
     
  9. Ghost_Rider

    Ghost_Rider Fapstronaut

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    Everyone think about what others will think, otherwise we all should roam naked on roads. :p
     
    superstorm250 likes this.
  10. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    That's a pretty contradictory statement, if they judge you negatively for your inexperience then obviously they do give a damn, otherwise they wouldn't judge you negatively for it in the first place. I know not to make a big deal out of it, but sometimes girls will still make a big deal out of it even though you don't see it that way. And obviously your first relationship doesn't have to be perfect and it shouldn't be, there's just the matter of even being able to get a relationship with this blockade in the way. And I do not want to be the submissive one under any circumstances, there's no real way for a guy to be submissive with style because its not stylish for a guy to be submissive. There's no way to sugarcoat this situation no matter what way you look at it.
     
  11. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I think you missed the part where I said that I'm not a virgin, just have never been in a relationship. And yes I want a relationship for a genuine connection with someone, but I also want one for the other 2 reasons that you listed as well. I don't see doing what you describe as that bad because first relationships almost always fail and then you can walk away rom it with more experience, so at least I'd have that under my belt because continuing to have no relationship experience as you get older just makes it harder to get one with each passing year.
     
  12. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    So you will be staying single then?
     
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  13. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I wouldn't be surprised, not by choice and all because of this fucked up catch-22 that I got myself caught in and has bo way out of.
     
  14. mirob

    mirob Fapstronaut

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    Dude I'm going trough exactly the same situation as you so I can fully understand. What I'm most afraid of is when I see myself at the same position as today in 10, 15 or even more years. :(
    I know I should definitely do something about it but have no fucking idea what.
     
  15. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    We just gotta try. I have little relationship experience but have found a girlfriend recently. So far there are no problems. When I'm not sure what to do I just ask my girlfriend if she has any idea what we could do for example. It would be more romantic to guess what she wants but why bother. So far I do not feel submissive at all, my girlfriend admires me to some extent so that's always a good thing.
     

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