How I conquered one of my heaviest and most intense Urges today.

I wrote my final exam in computer science today. That did not go so well as expected despite myself being really well-prepared for it. The intense and heavy urges which I experienced for many days did surely not help to the cause. I actually got intense urges to fap off during the exam as well. I shall describe how my day looked like:

The exam did not go so well. That was quite depressing, considering that I was quite sure of myself and that I studied really long. During the exam and after the exam I really wanted to jack off so badly. I was so down and low after the exam and I got a massive headache. After I drove home I searched for some way to relax. I felt so shitty, like never before, but I did not think of PMO. So I took a hot shower. That is not good for me since I am taking a cold shower every single day for nearly two years. After that, I felt quite depleted and exhausted, so I took a cold shower (with "cold" I mean as cold as it can get, only cold water. I measured it, it is 15-20c cold.)

Then I spoke with my friend but I got really tired. So I slept from 16:30 to around 18:00 because I was so tired. After I woke up I had a "sleep hangover" you can say, and I felt insanely tired and started getting massive urges.

I fought the urges for bloody two hours straight. At one point, I decided to download mods for my game. For Mass Effect Andromeda, it is. I downloaded some, but then I stumbled over one mod which was triggering as fuck. It contained nude pictures of the female character, modified and in really sexy shape. It really caught me off guard. I looked at the picture for a few seconds, but then I closed the page and deleted the mod as well. I started getting the most insane urges during my current streak. At that point, I felt so shit and it seemed like that fapping would be the only way out of this misery. I really enjoyed nothing. I was so short before relapsing, really. It was so close like never before. I checked the NoFap Forum and the subreddit and there I saw posts of guys who relapsed and telling how shitty they feel now.

I was on the verge of relapsing. Thankfully I did not conciously serach for anything stimulating. That would have been the relapse, since the brain enteres "FAP-AUTOPILOT" then. Most of you probably know what I mean.

These two posts helped me actually to get back to the path of light: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/8bf0rg/when_you_cum/
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/8bdx1a/just_a_reminder_that_this_is_you_everytime_you/
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/8bftpp/there_is_only_one_way_to_get_rid_of_the_extra/

3 actually. Well.

After these posts, I started feeling really good and energized again. All of the urges went away. The urges realized that I won't give in!

What made me resist for so many days? I would say that it is consecutive deterrence. I opposed the urges for so long, for so many days. When I wanted to relapse I always thought back to the times I fucked up, I thought back that there is no life for me without NoFap. I thought to the days/weeks after the relapse, how drained and nervous as well as shitty I would feel.

I also visualized how the process of relapsing would look like, many times in my head. I would do it like this: Sitting before my PC, simply staring at my mechanical keyboard (or putting my hands on my face) and simulating what it would actually yield to me. I realized every time that I would lose all of my strength and my proudness to my current streak. I would feel even shittier than then because I resisted all the last days for naught, it would be then. I would feel disgusted after I PMOd. I would experience all of the fatigue again. I would experience all of the negative side effects again. I would simply be not myself. That helped me, too.

I am doing NoFap for +500 days. I learned a lot from this. I will go on, no matter the cost.

We are strong! We will achieve absolute victory and nothing else! Victory AT ANY COST!

VICTORY WILL BE SWEET .........

 

@Foreverfree @BrainChanger @A_Joseph

Thank you all! It was definitely worth it! I left my phase of hypersensitivity now and I am in a Flatline right now. Making great progress!

 

Well, thank you! Am I doing great? I think that I could have done way better.... well, really thank you though!