How i got to where i am, on my longest streak so far.

My original idea was to post my success story after 90 days or so, but I decided to write this earlier anyway, in case someone might get something from it.

So first and foremost I want to say: this is your journey, and you have to do it your way. Deep down, you know what is best for you, so if others’ techniques don’t work for you, do it your own way.

For example, many keep themselves busy so they don’t have to think about porn. I took time for contemplation and observing my feelings. When an urge hit, I observed it and dug to the roots of it as far as I could to understand it. No need to fight it down grinning teeth with shame, anger and what not. I’d like to think, that even if you can beat your addiction with your strength, it will eventually win with endurance and cunning. There has to be more permanent solution.

This journey is not a punishment to my body: it’s the exact opposite. It’s about understanding myself and love myself through acceptance. I know that to some this seems like a bad idea. “You just accept yourself as you are and get to a point of stagnation, and eventually fill your life with addictions again to feel something?” Not exactly. True, there is a part of me which wants to avoid all sorts of responsibilities and doing the actual work to achieve something. There is also a part in me which wants to do great things in life, live purposefully and so on. So i’m not just accepting the lazy part of me and dwelling in it, I am also accepting the great me, among everything else in me.

So there are things in me which definitely can manifest in a very negative way. Yet, they are a part of me. If I deny them, they become (psychologically speaking) my shadow. And when these nasty parts aren’t acknowledged, they have more power over us. They tend to manifest without us being aware of them.

Daily routines can definitely be a great advance in life. Sometimes a break might be needed though. This was a hard thing for me to accept. I thought that if I “slack” one day, I will be doomed for the rest of my life, or something along those lines. Truth is, I feel happier and healthier when i’m not stuck in the exact same thing, in the exact same time day in day out. It makes me feel that i’m missing out on life. So refreshing breaks now and then can lift up moods, add appreciation towards life, and inspire.

Now to the superpowers. There is none. My old hidden problems didn’t disappear overnight just because I stopped wanking. Nofap definitely helped me though. It made me feel my emotions vividly, and therefore I could recognize my needs better. So if there was a superpower to me, that was it. Understanding my feelings and appreciating them gave me a clearer sense of who I am, and that gave more confidence. Of course semen retention and possibly abstaining from masturbating increases energy, and there are other benefits from it too definitely. My point is this: nofap is a tool to resolve your problems, but don’t expect the easy way out. Expect fears and all those emotions you have hid, and accept them as part of life and the human experience, instead of running away from them.


So some tips which has helped me, and hopefully you too.


- Allowing myself to feel sad, ashamed, angry, lonely, hopeless etc. All the things I didn’t want to experience, and without my inner judge controlling it. Btw don’t judge your inner judge.


- Poems. Writing my feelings has been tremendous help for me resolving my emotional blockages. I didn’t realize that before I wrote one. Allowing the feeling to be expressed frees it, so it won’t get stuck in your thought patterns. I recommend any form of expression which suits you. Poems just worked for me in a way that I couldn’t even imagine they would.


- Taking time to contemplate. Understanding deeper issues takes commitment, time and patience.


- Getting in tune with my body. My fall was often pushing to my limits constantly and stressing without any rest. I suggest yoga for this, but any exercise that makes you focus on your body should do.


- Realization of my self worth. I don’t need any excuses why I am allowed to be alive in the way I want to. I have no obligations to stop exploring and expressing myself, and neither do you.


- Learning about psycho-, physio- and neurology. Mostly I did so because I am interested in the mentioned topics, but I definitely have learned a lot helpful stuff too.


- Seeing others as human beings. For me, porn messed my brain so that everything and everyone I saw had some sexual twist in them, especially women. Not necessarily an arousing twist, everything was just seen through a sexual point of view. I practiced this method whenever I saw someone who repulsed my sexual views. For example when i saw an elderly person whom i though would be sexually repulsive. After I became aware of that, I started imagining possible stories for them. I imagined how they would have come for a relaxing walk, or how they were going to shop some groceries so they can bake goodies for their grandchildren who were coming for a visit. Or maybe the granny just became a widow, who knows? Doing this more often and with different people, it became easier for me to understand that everyone has feelings and thoughts too, and they have reasons for it too. I assume that learning this also made my porn-like sexual fantasies much less frequent. The theme from my sexual thoughts turned from using another human to masturbate, to desire for intimate closeness.

Remember, it's not just about abstaining. This is your journey to live the proper life you were meant to live.

I wrote this pretty much on the fly. Hope it’s readable.

 

Thanks, i sure hope that my text would help someone. I tried to make it realistic, yet not too depressing or harsh.

There's still a lot that i think could help others, but my eyes got tired after writing for so long on computer, so i might add something later. I think the most important ones are there.

 

Thanks!

I personally think that addictions and negative behaviours don't come out of some just purely evil place. I think they are trying to get our consciousness to get a look deep inside and let us have better life by recognizing the roots of our problems.

 

Hope you'll find some use of it! It may take a lot of patience and willingness to face all the repressed nasty parts of you, but in the end, i think it's more sustainable and rewarding way out of addictions rather than being in constant war.