How I overcame my BDSM fetish

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Nagual, Dec 12, 2018.

  1. Nagual

    Nagual Fapstronaut

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    Hello fellow fapstronauts,

    this is my success story of how I overcame my BDSM fetish. I write this here because I know theres nothing worse than to feel attracted to something that is totally against your personal values, because it makes you question your whole personality and leads to internal conflict with yourself. This was for me the worst part about being porn addicted (I still am, but at least not anymore to BDSM porn), and I would like to share my story for personal reasons and because I think it maybe interest some of you.

    Disclaimer: Be aware that this story contains my own personal opinion. Therefore I will write from a subjective perspective and you can feel free to disagree with whatever you want

    Ok, where do I begin? I started PMO quite young but at least since I'm 16 got addicted to internet porn. What followed went on for you guys maybe the same: I explored porn in all its variety and started to conditioning my brain for fetishes. Therefore I began to masturbate to stuff that is not natural in any way and normally wouldnt be part in my sexual life. Some of this conditioning was rather harmless, but when I started to get into BDSM it got more serious. I started to masturbate to videos where women got tied, treated roughly and given pain. I got turned on by the thought of having sex with a vulnerable woman that I force to have sex with me. Interestingly the content got violenter the less sensitivity I have got. For example, when I masturbated multiple times, in each session the content got extremer. After orgasm I felt often shocked about the content I watched just few seconds ago and which turned me on, and so I felt bad. I thought that this isnt good, that this isnt a healthy sexual attitude and at one point I started to realize that I have to do something about it.
    The reason is rather obvious, Im a nice person. Im sorry if that sounded conceited, but what I mean is, that Im a person that doenst want to hurt others. I dont want to get turned on by seeing a women treated badly and for sure I dont want to treat a women badly myself. This was the first step of getting out of this, to realize that this is not ok with myself, to realize that is cant be the true me.
    After that I started with NoFap with which to be honest, Im not that successful yet, im currently with 16 days on my best streak til now, but at least I cut the violent stuff out consequently since over a year and always relapsed to in comparison rather "harmless porn". While abstaining from violent porn I felt every day more disconnected to it. I had suddenly a clear mind and could think about it more objectively. If I had the urge to watch a BDSM porn video I asked myself something like "would you want your sister or your daughter to be treated like that from another man?".
    This helped me from abstaining, letting my morality win other my lust. It helped me to abstain, but the roots of my problem didnt just got fixed with that.
    The roots of my affection to violent porn was, that I objectified women. Two things helped me to overcome this. First of all NoFap, but the second and maybe more important factor: having a girlfriend. I got a healthy sexual relationship and realized, that I never would like to do anything from these videos with her. In the past I thought having sex with a beautiful women tied and dominated by me would be something seekable and a dream. After having a healthy sexual relationship I realized nothing can be compared to the feeling of having sex with somebody you love, somebody you have a deep connection with.. feels like you get one together. I realized that sex is something very awesome and can be so much more than just pleasing some animal urges.

    Another little bit mind-blowing experience was when I watched on youtube an interview with a well known pornstar. She talked about her private life, seemed very friendly, talked about her husband and hobbies. In conclusion, she was very sympathetic. Later when I searched porn videos with her I saw how she got treated badly and humiliated. I was instant shocked and absolutely not turned on. I learned the lesson, that I only got aroused by seeing how she got treated bad when she had no personality for me. She and hundreds of other women in videos I watched in the past where for me just lust objects.. but after seeing the human behind her, I couldnt anymore masturbate to her violent videos.

    So right now I feel freed from my BDSM fetish and have absolutely no urge anymore to see a women getting treated badly. Of course these videos still make me aroused, mostly because these videos still contain moaning, nudity, and feminity. But I can finally say that this crap is no part of my sexual nature.


    Im sorry for my bad englisch, Im not a native speaker and its difficult to write such a long text for me. However Im lucky if you enjoyed reading it or even got insights. Im happy to be able to finally tell someone my story because I dont have much people I can talk with about this topic. Have a nice day! :)
     
  2. Evolving guy

    Evolving guy Fapstronaut

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    Your story is really inspiring! Keep it up and don't lose determination. We are with you. Happy Life and good vibes to you!☺
     
    RightEffort likes this.
  3. I love this! Such a good post :)

    Thank you for sharing this insight. very true isn't it. We wouldn't want someone we know or love be treated like that. Same with 'normal' porn.
     

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