The heading sounds a bit cliche right? I know it does and there are several stories on internet on how meditation has helped people get off all kinds of addictions in the world and my story might be just one of those but the addiction here is p*rn of course - so I thought I will share my story.
I won't be exaggerating if I say I was a pervert and I did things online which I shouldn't have and consumed p*rn in industrial quantities. My fantasy world was really messed up with all kind of evil things in there. I consumed porn for over 13 years and it was pretty regular. I do feel terrible about the time I wasted but I feel even more sad about things I did online for the chat 'partners'. I am married man and my wife doesn't know about this. She is definitely the most amazing woman I know and I lied to her so much in the past because of my addiction. I tried several times to quit though but I always failed and in the past six months this got me worried about my love life (with wife) and also my career because I was spending so much time online on p*rn.
In June 2019, I went for a 10 Day Vipassana Meditation course. This was my second 10 day course btw and the first one did not help me much with quitting p*rn. TBH I wasn't even serious about quitting when I did my first course. The desire to quit p*rn was definitely there in the second course. There are lots of articles online about this Meditation so I will not go into more details.
After the 10 day course I was back at home and I made it a point to practice Vipassana Meditation two-hours everyday - it was really hard in the beginning but now I am able to do it. During the course, the teacher said:
"An addict takes a drug because he wishes to experience the pleasurable sensation the drug produces in him, even though he knows that by taking the drug he reinforces the addiction." and therefore through meditation I learnt:
- To be aware of my cravings for p*rn and not react to it - so no chance of relapse anymore
- How to observe these sensations and train my mind to not react
- Observe the triggers and not react to them
This has been a winning formula for me. I didn't have to go for a run and say to myself "I am a strong man" because that is only at a conscious level, so there is a possibility of relapse. In my case - I was training the subconscious mind (through everyday meditation) to not react to cravings or triggers. Most of the past two months - I have been at home (alone), with high speed internet and all the access to p*rn I always had but now there is no going back.
In case this interests or inspires anyone, feel free to get in touch and we can chat. I wish you all the best.
Be Happy.
Great post. Could you share your daily practice schedule?Vipassana changed my life. For anyone reading, it takes a lot of courage to sit quietly and observe yourself. I have no doubt though, that it is the way out, not just porn addiction but suffering in its totality. Vipassana helped me deal with a lot of trauma. While sitting quietly I watched the chaos bubble to the surface of my mind, like big burps. It kept coming in waves but I sat very still and explored it with my mind. I searched for the most painful areas to look with inquisitiveness and found that the closer I looked the more it dissolves and disappears. As time went on, I began getting the sense that all the pain I was experiencing was my past coming out in some way. All the fears, anger, guilt, hatred was simply bubbling up and disappearing, wave after wave. I knew also that that pain was not coming back, the relief cannot be explained by words.
It is really quite simple in the end, you can't rely on anything external to yourself to be free from misery. It is all inside and looking at what is happening within yourself, without reacting to it, is the key to your own liberation. You have to open the doors to the kingdom of heaven within. No one else can do it for you. Know thyself. Be happy![]()
You cannot put a schedule on Vipassana. It is done all day everyday from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep. The mind must be aware of its own internal happenings, along with body sensation. The more the mind is exposed to the reality of the present moment without reacting, the mind becomes aware that everything is changing, there is no permanence to anything in the universe including itself, the "me" the "I' As a result of this realisation of impermanence, the mind gives up attachment, naturally and easily. The result of this is that suffering goes away because the root cause of suffering is attachment.Great post. Could you share your daily practice schedule?
You are correct. I used to have the result craving mindset when I practice Vipassana and still transform it gradually. Actually, I think both formal and informal meditating are valuable and important equally.You cannot put a schedule on Vipassana. It is done all day everyday from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep. The mind must be aware of its own internal happenings, along with body sensation. The more the mind is exposed to the reality of the present moment without reacting, the mind becomes aware that everything is changing, there is no permanence to anything in the universe including itself, the "me" the "I' As a result of this realisation of impermanence, the mind gives up attachment, naturally and easily. The result of this is that suffering goes away because the root cause of suffering is attachment.
The world has made meditation a game of seeking. We sit to meditate in the hopes of attaining something, which means there is a motive and the mind is rolling in attachment. It's all quite silly really. Vipassana or just being aware of yourself in other words has no motive if it is understood properly. There must be no motive in seeing yourself. This is learning because there is no conclusion. Just see yourself as you are, and naturally the mind will transform itself because it realises how it keeps rolling in misery by sitting on the burning plate of attachment. When this is realised, the mind jumps off the plate and starts living very peacefully and harmoniously.