How important is physical attraction?

I don't know if it's just men, but I've always found that men I've met from online, looked much better in real life. It's probably different with women and their Instagram makeup and Snapchat filters. What do I know.

Anyway, I surprised myself last year, when I realized physical attraction does indeed matter to me (never really used to). Met a wonderful guy, our connection was stellar, but his looks literally repulsed me. Not that he's objectively a super ugly dude or anything; I've thirsted after conventionally uglier than him before.

But I just didn't like the composition of his face, his stature, his scent, his beard, his anything. And every time he touched me, I just cringed. I have never held such a strong repulsion for someone, and especially not someone I otherwise adored. So that was a veeeeery strange experience to me. I gave it a 5 months shot, but due to my super strong reactions to physical closeness to him, it never worked out. :c

But as said, I've been madly head over heels for dudes I also found unappealing physically, but then the attraction grew on me, but it just didn't happen with this guy, and I can't explain why. Chemistry is weird like that.

 

^Dam. Was that guy like Quasimodo?

 

In the states a serious one is Eharmony it is expensive but the people you meet are more serious about relationships than say on match. I'm female but I've done them all in the past.

 

My experience is most men look a lot better than their pics in person. I think a lot of guys don't know how to take a good pic of themselves! The only thing I found is men lying about their height like a lot adding 4 or five inches! As far as online dating you can only feel chemistry in person. And like you pointed out pics are not always accurate. I think we all get this idea that we are supposed to see fireworks when we see the person. I blame TV. My suggestion is that if the person is not repulsive and you enjoy their company give it two or three dates and see where it goes. You may be surprised. Don't get me wrong you need chemistry but chemistry is not compatibly and compatibility is what sustains long term relationships. I would have never given my fiancé a second glance on the street totally not my type !

 

I agree that chemistry and compatibility are two different things. In my case, me and the guy were super compatible in every other way. The only thing getting in the way of it all, was my severe lack of sexual attraction to him. It was so severe, that it ruined it, as I felt physically uncomfortable being physically close to him, kissing him, being touched by him. And I don't want to feel physically uncomfortable in a romantic, potentially sexual union. I'd rather just be close friends (which we are now). -shrugs-

 

man i'd really love to see a picture of this guy...

 

In my opinion:
I know it is possible to fall in love quickly, and I know love can also develop slowly into something deep and exciting. What is difficult is for both parties to continue working on the relationship so that it doesn't either wither or blow up. If two people spend 14 hours a week doing pleasant activities together while being open and positive, they will be deeply in love, even if they've been together for years, even if one is as ugly as sin and the other is crude and rude, even if they have both made mistakes. Love is blind, so it is best to choose with some discretion.
The importance of looks is relative. Good looks do not last. Even if we do not put on pounds, skin gets baggy, wrinkled and splotched. Even with hours in the gym and a diet of vitamins, minerals and antioxidants, we cannot stop the aging process. We can stay in love and grow old together, or we can go back to the dating sites every decade while paying out alimonies and child supports all over the place.
Before I got too serious, I checked out her parents. I was impressed with how they got along with each other, and with how they took care of themselves and each other. Forty years later, we are older than they were, and doing likewise. They were still together and in love when he passed, two weeks ago today.

 

But that's the thing, really, because a lot of women found him really attractive and would hit on him. That's why I said he isn't a conventionally ugly dude, but attraction is relative and I personally just felt strong aversion. It's the strangest thing.

 

Interesting... the last girl I dated was definitely not the most physically attractive girl I've ever been with, but we clicked in a way I've never had with anyone. we just really understood each other and were completely comfortable and ourselves together. i know this is kinda messed up but i broke up with her after we had been trying out a long distance relationship. that chemistry we had whenever we were together in person wasn't really the same in texts, and i realized i was way more attracted to her personality than her looks whenever I'd look at pictures of her. I guess I'm just a shallow dick ... we actually still talk on the phone pretty often and sometimes i wonder if i made a mistake.. but if you're not physically attracted to someone what can you do?

 

Yeah, I used to think it was shallow to care about looks, until this happened to me. : /

But it is important to be sexually attracted to someone you're going to have a sexual relation with, otherwise what's the point of pursuing a sexual relation with said person?

My relation with this guy was mainly on text, as he lives far away from me, and it turned romantic and I did like him emotionally. I just didn't like him at all, physically or intimately like that. We never had sex, btw, as I am celibate, but he did express he eventually would want to develop a sexual relation with me, in the future and I honestly could not see that happen. Unfortunately, I reckon. But then again, I got a super awesome friend out of him in the end. :3

 

That's the thing.. I think I was so caught off guard by how much I loved her personality that I never even considered I might not be physically attracted to her until we moved away and all I had left of her was pictures and texts lol
So you are celibate for life then? Do you mind if I ask why? I feel like most people that CHOOSE to be celibate have little to no interest in sex but if you are on NoFap I feel like that might not be true... lol but i am pretty ignorant on the issue!

 

Agreed. My best friend and I can both know the same guy and she thinks he's so hot and I do not find him attractive at all. To each his or her own.

 

Sure, you can ask. : )

I'm celibate by choice because I had some healing to do when it came to my unfair and unhealthy mindset regarding men, and figuring out some stuff about myself. On top of that, I am not interested in having sex with just anybody, I also have a low libido, so I decided to have sex again when I feel emotionally connected in a romantic relationship with a guy. That has yet to happen, so I'm just going on celibate indefinitely. I'm going on 2 years in August.

The reason I'm on nofap, is because it's motivating reading about men who take an active step away from preoccupation with sexuality. It helps me remember not all men are deliberately engrossed in their sex life; that lots of men have a lot more to offer than their penis and that men, too, suffer from our hyper-sexual society. : )

 

It would be a lie to say physical attraction doesn't matter, but it shouldn't be more than a 50% contributing factor to overall attractiveness in general.

A warm hearted, kind person is where it's at. Someone you can close your eyes and listen to and think "wonderful", not "why god?".

There was a time during my pmo addiction that the fake fabrications of beauty determined my interest. Warped sense of beauty. I didn't realise how unrealistic and unhealthy an outlook it was until a few months before joining nofap, and have since been working on conditioning myself to hate fakeness and the forced impression of "beauty", now totally normal healthy looking people I find sexy.

A good personality in the fold on top is just a win win overall.

 

This is absolutely spot-on. It has only been a week for me and already I am checking out and finding myself attracted to women that wouldn't have even been the tiniest blip on my radar a week ago. Yesterday I was out walking and met a woman who blew me away in terms of attractiveness. She had the most beautiful smile, gorgeous eyes and a really nice trim body. I can honestly say that I wouldn't have looked at her once let alone twice when I was PMO-ing. Yes, normal healthy looking people is where it's at. PMO warps us on so many levels.

 

Physical attraction is very important