how is maturbation destroyed my life compeletly - lesson to be learned

[Glitchboy]

i'm new here, so hello!
i'm posting this to get some support, gain some friends struggle form the same thing and give some lesson to someone who is still destroying himself.

i'm almost 30 years old, i thought this the age when you should feel at your best form all aspects but due to maturbation i'm in my worst shape ever, so let me tell you how exsessive maturbation can ruin your life like it did to mine. also if you share some of my symptoms please tell me so i know that what is happening to me is from matubation not something else.

when i was 17 years old just before starting that dirty happit, i was an athletic, gymnastic player, martial art player, smart as hell, funny, drawing and reading, fast action, speed to talk, a lot of energy and mostly happy.
then i started to discover myself, i was very much in pretty women photos, actress, model and all sort of beautiful women photography but i wasn't watching that much porn and i wasn't maturbating on it. then once did it, felt amazing and that when i started.
time goes on i was matubation maybe 3times a day and i was feeling pretty good, no exhaustion or whatsoever, feeling the dopamine rush in my head like a drugs. years goes on and i had no idea what the matubation doing to me.
i begin to feel after a year with a daily exhaustion every morning, some depression, no ability to talk or interact with people. started to lose my fun side and my motivation, i stopped practising and begin develop more bad habits, smoking and drinking coffee in morning to feel more focused.
4 years later depression kicked but was manageable compare to later stages.
at age 22 i started nofap and stopped smoking and result of that something happen to me, i met the beast, the demon aka the flatline or the withdrawal symptoms my body begin to release semen while i was sleep but with no orgam or nocturial emmisson nor wetdream, semen like water and i learn later that because prostate inflammation due to excessive matubation. later i became very unfocus, drowsy, having back pain, bone pain, exhaustion all the time, unable to leave bed. and then i started to get narcolepsy attacks (uncontrolled sleep attacks) at work. something with the dopamine recovery was making my body shutting down. huge brain fog, huge depression wave kicked in like hell, feeling like dead yet i'm alive. no ability to talk or make conversation at anytime. i got fired from work. sit a home for a year suffering and with all that happening i went back mastubation and smoking and my life was like shit. i had no idea that mastubation can do that.. all shitty forum on the internet says its healthy it can do no harm. i went physiatrists, so many!.. form antipsychosis to ssri and lots of med. thought my life will never be the same and i've diagnosed with lots of psychology conditions, depression, negative symptoms of schizophrenia, ADD and daytime drowsiness.
suffered from all that in that last 6 year, i was going crazy and yet i didn't stop mastubation but my rythm become less and i was doing it maybe every week once or twice but that wasn't enough to let me recover.
i had to take stimulation drugs just to be normal, talk or think or have energy. but even these durg are impossible to get here in my country though it save me.
i went nofap for many time and biggest time break was a month, you would feel some improvement but with one relapse you will lose all the benefits. so it seem that one need to stop once and for all and never come back to that nasty happit. i started again and it almost a month but not stopping, my dream to get back on the track and gain myself again, i'll do anything to be like i was before i started. now if i just did one time i recover in 3 days, after, just one time i feel this fogginess in head, i lose all kind of grammar and words, i feel so stupid for a week and the depression never leaves. my plan now is taking prostate medication ( important for the prostate inflammation that never recovered since it started) to avoid any ejacalltion at night or while pooping. prostate inflammation can be an obstacle if it didn't get treated right away. it's one of the main cause of the fatigue and the back pain.. i'm almost recovered from that and i feel much better on a general scale.

i need support, and if any one share some of my sufferings i hope you had some hope now and if any one have some recovering stories form similar stages, i hope you share them with me.

 

[Deleted Account]

I remember starting this and the 2 weeks streaks I would have but I stuck with it and it has been very eye opening . I used to fap twice a day when I was younger every day and had zero self esteem now that I have stopped that and do not pmo to porn I don't critize myself any more and am more alert and overall healthy just had a physical the other day from the doc and he said everthing was great . I now use my time to take better care of myself and my brain feels as if a big fog lifted .

 

[Septimus]

i'm new here, so hello!
i'm posting this to get some support, gain some friends struggle form the same thing and give some lesson to someone who is still destroying himself.

i'm almost 30 years old, i thought this the age when you should feel at your best form all aspects but due to maturbation i'm in my worst shape ever, so let me tell you how exsessive maturbation can ruin your life like it did to mine. also if you share some of my symptoms please tell me so i know that what is happening to me is from matubation not something else.

when i was 17 years old just before starting that dirty happit, i was an athletic, gymnastic player, martial art player, smart as hell, funny, drawing and reading, fast action, speed to talk, a lot of energy and mostly happy.
then i started to discover myself, i was very much in pretty women photos, actress, model and all sort of beautiful women photography but i wasn't watching that much porn and i wasn't maturbating on it. then once did it, felt amazing and that when i started.
time goes on i was matubation maybe 3times a day and i was feeling pretty good, no exhaustion or whatsoever, feeling the dopamine rush in my head like a drugs. years goes on and i had no idea what the matubation doing to me.
i begin to feel after a year with a daily exhaustion every morning, some depression, no ability to talk or interact with people. started to lose my fun side and my motivation, i stopped practising and begin develop more bad habits, smoking and drinking coffee in morning to feel more focused.
4 years later depression kicked but was manageable compare to later stages.
at age 22 i started nofap and stopped smoking and result of that something happen to me, my body begin to release semen while i was sleep but with no orgam or nocturial emmisson nor wetdream, semen like water and i learn later that because prostate inflammation due to excessive matubation. later i became very unfocus, drowsy, having back pain, bone pain, exhaustion all the time, unable to leave bed. and then i started to get narcolepsy attacks (uncontrolled sleep attacks) at work. something with the dopamine recovery was making my body shutting down. huge brain fog, huge depression wave kicked in like hell, feeling like dead yet i'm alive. no ability to talk or make conversation at anytime. i got fired from work. sit a home for a year suffering and with all that happening i went back mastubation and smoking and my life was like shit. i had no idea that mastubation can do that.. all shitty forum on the internet says its healthy it can do no harm. i went physiatrists, so many!.. form antipsychosis to ssri and lots of med. thought my life will never be the same and i've diagnosed with lots of psychology conditions, depression, negative symptoms of schizophrenia, ADD and daytime drowsiness.
suffered from all that in that last 6 year, i was going crazy and yet i didn't stop mastubation but my rythm become less and i was doing it maybe every week once or twice but that wasn't enough to let me recover.
i had to take stimulation drugs just to be normal, talk or think or have energy. but even these durg are impossible to get here in my country though it save me.
i went nofap for many time and biggest time break was a month, you would feel some improvement but with one relapse you will lose all the benefits. so it seem that one need to stop once and for all and never come back to that nasty happit. i started again and it almost a month but not stopping, my dream to get back on the track and gain myself again, i'll do anything to be like i was before i started. now if i just did one time i recover in 3 days, after, just one time i feel this fogginess in head, i lose all kind of grammar and words, i feel so stupid for a week and the depression never leaves. my plan now is taking prostate medication ( important for the prostate inflammation that never recovered since it started) to avoid any ejacalltion at night or while pooping. prostate inflammation can be an obstacle if it didn't get treated right away. it's one of the main cause of the fatigue and the back pain.. i'm almost recovered from that and i feel much better on a general scale.

i need support, and if any one share some of my sufferings i hope you had some hope now and if any one have some recovering stories form similar stages, i hope you share them with me.

Welcome! I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry to hear about your serious troubles, but I imagine you will find others who have been through some of these things. I hope you keep coming back.

 

[Deleted Account]

i'm new here, so hello!
i'm posting this to get some support, gain some friends struggle form the same thing and give some lesson to someone who is still destroying himself.

i'm almost 30 years old, i thought this the age when you should feel at your best form all aspects but due to maturbation i'm in my worst shape ever, so let me tell you how exsessive maturbation can ruin your life like it did to mine. also if you share some of my symptoms please tell me so i know that what is happening to me is from matubation not something else.

when i was 17 years old just before starting that dirty happit, i was an athletic, gymnastic player, martial art player, smart as hell, funny, drawing and reading, fast action, speed to talk, a lot of energy and mostly happy.
then i started to discover myself, i was very much in pretty women photos, actress, model and all sort of beautiful women photography but i wasn't watching that much porn and i wasn't maturbating on it. then once did it, felt amazing and that when i started.
time goes on i was matubation maybe 3times a day and i was feeling pretty good, no exhaustion or whatsoever, feeling the dopamine rush in my head like a drugs. years goes on and i had no idea what the matubation doing to me.
i begin to feel after a year with a daily exhaustion every morning, some depression, no ability to talk or interact with people. started to lose my fun side and my motivation, i stopped practising and begin develop more bad habits, smoking and drinking coffee in morning to feel more focused.
4 years later depression kicked but was manageable compare to later stages.
at age 22 i started nofap and stopped smoking and result of that something happen to me, i met the beast, the demon aka the flatline or the withdrawal symptoms my body begin to release semen while i was sleep but with no orgam or nocturial emmisson nor wetdream, semen like water and i learn later that because prostate inflammation due to excessive matubation. later i became very unfocus, drowsy, having back pain, bone pain, exhaustion all the time, unable to leave bed. and then i started to get narcolepsy attacks (uncontrolled sleep attacks) at work. something with the dopamine recovery was making my body shutting down. huge brain fog, huge depression wave kicked in like hell, feeling like dead yet i'm alive. no ability to talk or make conversation at anytime. i got fired from work. sit a home for a year suffering and with all that happening i went back mastubation and smoking and my life was like shit. i had no idea that mastubation can do that.. all shitty forum on the internet says its healthy it can do no harm. i went physiatrists, so many!.. form antipsychosis to ssri and lots of med. thought my life will never be the same and i've diagnosed with lots of psychology conditions, depression, negative symptoms of schizophrenia, ADD and daytime drowsiness.
suffered from all that in that last 6 year, i was going crazy and yet i didn't stop mastubation but my rythm become less and i was doing it maybe every week once or twice but that wasn't enough to let me recover.
i had to take stimulation drugs just to be normal, talk or think or have energy. but even these durg are impossible to get here in my country though it save me.
i went nofap for many time and biggest time break was a month, you would feel some improvement but with one relapse you will lose all the benefits. so it seem that one need to stop once and for all and never come back to that nasty happit. i started again and it almost a month but not stopping, my dream to get back on the track and gain myself again, i'll do anything to be like i was before i started. now if i just did one time i recover in 3 days, after, just one time i feel this fogginess in head, i lose all kind of grammar and words, i feel so stupid for a week and the depression never leaves. my plan now is taking prostate medication ( important for the prostate inflammation that never recovered since it started) to avoid any ejacalltion at night or while pooping. prostate inflammation can be an obstacle if it didn't get treated right away. it's one of the main cause of the fatigue and the back pain.. i'm almost recovered from that and i feel much better on a general scale.

i need support, and if any one share some of my sufferings i hope you had some hope now and if any one have some recovering stories form similar stages, i hope you share them with me.

Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body.

You gotta make sure it is proper mindfulness meditation though. "Mindfulness" meditation where we just focus on breath is more like a concentration meditation instead. It works too but differently and not as powerfully in my experience. Real mindfulness meditation however trains you to accept your urges by understanding the nature of them by observing them, not just suppress them by concentrating on something else instead. It makes you comfortable with them. And once you accept and become comfortable with them there is no need to get rid of them, so there is no need to PMO. Only reason why we PMO is because that urge, that itch in our crotch is uncomfortable, we wanna get rid of it. And then after PMO we have our release. Or we simply want pleasure. And inability to have that pleasure makes us uncomfortable. But if we accept that we can not have pleasure then resistance is gone and there is no reason to PMO.

Acceptance and mindfulness is the key. Check out this Ted talk on acceptance and mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. Sitting meditation I personally practice and recommend to people is as explained by meditation expert in this YouTube playlist. If you don't like the monk or want other method there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!