how it began

U

user32106

Fapstronaut
I used porn as a substitute for intimate relationships, as a way to be undistracted from sexual thoughts, and as a quick means to improve mood. Doing this for years eventually lead to porn escalation. The cycle prevented me from having intimate relationships and helped to keep focused on career opportunities. Further escalation lead to a full blown compulsion.

How did it begin for you?
 
I saw my first hardcore around 11 years old way back in the mid 1980 on Italian late night TV.
Fast forward a few years and Im sneaking into my Dads hidden porn stash late at night. Then my best high school friend passed me his mail order VHS XXX cataloges...and then I grew up and started my own DVD collection. The internet porn wasn't a problem for me until after the PMO habit was already a problem. 45 years old and still I fight to get 90 days nofap.
 
for me it started at around age of 14, when i first saw a movie secretly with friends..
i remember the first time i fapped in my life, the first PMO..
Actually i was a bit afraid as i thought something wrong happened to me when i reached O.

The thing is... the more i PMO with years the more i needed it and more and more i felt like intimacy with real person (sex) is not as good as PMO..
yet, there is a huge price one has to pay for PMO.
first of all, PMO is for losers, real losers..
i felt like a loser for each PMO, jerking off to some stupid picture, movie or magazine..
second of all, the actual O, becomes very shallow in time... not only you miss all the intimacy but also actual feeling of O is much less than with real person.

and with years, all that is left if fucking PMO.. jerking off all day on stupid pictures in phone or computer.

more than that, many women told me that in bed i was very weak..
the errection simply wasnt strong as i couldnt get arroused enough from women body, i needed that fucking P to get arroused.
i got disconnected from person in bed and was imagening some stupid hardcore stuff on tv..
its crazy!!!

i have amazing beautiful, sexy girl with me in bed, wanting passionate sex and i just think about stupid pictures from P!!!

PMO DESTROYS YOUR SEX LIFE!!!!

It destroys YOU!

I always imagined in my head, if i had a girl like that one from the tv screen, i would do like these P actors to her.
guess what? not even close!!
i had women who looked amazing , with tall and thin body, sexy as hell, and what?
i coudnt get my dick up (at least not for long), i had to M in middle of sex!!!! what is wrong with me??
i tell you what.
PMO led me to situation where i cant even get myself to fully concentrate on my partners, my mind is fucking flooded with stupid pictures, images of hardcore P, where in reality i am not such person, i am not P actor, nor my girl is P actress...

its lying to yourself and others..

FFS, stop PMO..

I think some religions are right (at least in some sense), if you want hardcore P.. NO PROBLEM, just do it with your partner!!
not with your hand fss..
 
For me it started at 6 years old. I had this 9 years old friend from the school yard, we would go to his place after class and we would watch his dad's DVDs while his parents were away for work. In retrospect, those dvds were not softcore porn at all. 9 girls lining up naked and one guy to try them all, gang bangs, and worse. We watched those DVDs pretty often unfortunately. From there, when I was 9, I was already knowledgeable of porn and would show it to other people my age. By 12 I was edging (discovered it my self) and the rest is more sad history.
 
I watched/saw porn before I was 14. But when I was 14, I managed to orgasm. THAT is what hooked me. And later on, the more extreme or taboo the porn was, the deeper that hook was going through my skin.
 
ClaritySeen201 said:
I watched/saw porn before I was 14. But when I was 14, I managed to orgasm. THAT is what hooked me. And later on, the more extreme or taboo the porn was, the deeper that hook was going through my skin.
Click to expand...

Yea man I can relate I’ve been watching porn on and off since I was 16 and I’m now almost 29. This addiction has taken me to a dark place and I’ve realized the past few years I really need some help and I am addict. I feel a lot of guilt and shame. Everything seems so amazing about my life on the outside, but I have a dark secret. The genre of porn I’ve watched has slowly changed over time and at a bad place with it. I’ve been watching Sissy trans crossdresser and gay porn if one of the people are dressed like a girl. I’ve been straight my whole life and was having normal sex last year. I’ve been visualizing myself in the female role. I’ve been able to a lot of 7 day steaks and my best is 16-20 days multiple times. Then I relapse bad for about a week compulsively. Todays Father’s Day and I’ve had an abusive relationship with my dad. He’s no longer in my life. I want to have a family one day get married and be the best dad. I feel like crying honestly… I’m trying. I pray to god that he can heal me and take this away. I don’t know how to stop but want to desperately.
 
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