How I've Dealt With Extreme Loneliness

Humans are social animals because of evolution. Modern society is a suboptimal solution for living. All those successful people you mentioned are successful because they had, and have, a team of people working with them to reach they're goals, they couldn't have done shit without communication - which requires at least two people - and this truth is even more true with the musicians you named. They seek out communication with experts - Van Halen had to take lessons, and form a band with serious musicians who showed up to practice because they valued and believed in the band - and valuation is also a form of belief. To say otherwise is politics and hype, it's just a myth, a sales pitch.

Also consider: Bill Gates' parents were very well educated and well off financially, those ingredients are almost always there with successful people. The word success is directly related to the word succession, that is, one after the other. That's why ateliers talk about their lineage, their pedigree; also, the old quote, "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." The self-help cult leaders don't talk about this because they are scam artist, their lie is perpetuated to put guilt on people who aren't successful and creates and maintains a social hierarchy.

Don't seek to be alone; instead, get low quality people out of your life, otherwise they will sabotage you.

Note: Some people, because of their genetic disposition, don't feel the need to be around other people. If you are reading this, you probably aren't one of them. And if someone tells other people they are one of them, "strong independent woman, don't need anyone" bullshit, they are definitely not one of them, because that would be a contradiction, as in why the fuck would they be telling this to anyone instead of just not talking to them at all?

 

The feeling of loneliness is a signal that you should seek out social connection just like pain is a signal that you should get your hand off the stove. We're social beings. We feel better if we're not completely isolated. If you think otherwise you're delusional. The problem was that the social connections you had weren't meaningful to you, not that you had them in the first place.

I don't understand why you think being social is not a part of "life"? It's the most important part of life in my opinion (altho balance is key jsut like with everything). Why are you so focused on success? Im saying this as someone who aspires to go to med school, btw.

You complain that American society is too focused around success. But what are you unilaterally focused on here? You're just as bad. Secondly, success is enabled via others. Who will play in your band? Who will get you a record deal? Who will buy your songs? This belief that you're on your own and should be is toxic and misguided. Charles Bukowski became successful (altho he would argue that point ) because a publisher eventually gave him a chance. Gates and Musk have a whole network of people who have enabled them to be successful in different ways. The same goes for each and every one of them. You're **wrong.**

 

Once you enjoy your own company and strictly follow your goals, vision and dream then it gets easy.

 

"Not being a social being" would have gotten you killed on the savannah 50000 years ago, and our brains are virtually the same now as then. Hence, this does not apply to most people. There are exceptions, sure. Most people aren't exceptions.

No, I won't. I already have worked in health care. I've seen nothing of what you describe. Perhaps it's about who you have chosen to befriend. If everyone else seems to stink, maybe it's actually you.
Right, but you are focused on success despite bemoaing that most other people are. The only difference between them and you is that you choose to not exploit other people to further your success. But you seem to think that doing that wouldn't help you.

Everyone has responsibilities that everyone aren't arbitrarily going to cover for, yes. So? Other people give me strength, other people help me, other people give me purpose, other people give me beloning. YOU are on your own and content with that.

No, it cannot be wholly without other people. Other people shaped who you are. Who would you be if you had never met another person in your life? Nothing more than another animal that cannot communicate. Other people designed whatever tool you're using. Other people provided the material you use to to learn a skill. Other people are who would take interest in what you create. Other people give you inspiration. Other people are the ones who have the resources to help you succeed. What is a society without cooperation? The word "society" no longer makes sense. But no, cooperation is not the same as charity. You're right.

 

Does anyone feel lonely, even around other people? It does not matter if I am around family or a group full of friends; I am lonely! It feels like there's no one who understands what I am dealing with. I just found this site today and I am already finding forums with people who are voicing the struggles I've been reluctant to voice. Thank you.

 

How did you accept it?

 

Loneliness indeed can be a mojor problem for us.
As you said, you can't let it get you down and dictate your life, and filling your life with meaning and purpose is the best way to overcome it, but I do tend to agree with what people said here about the fact that we are social creatures who need even a little bit of socializing in our life (Even though they said it in tactless way IMO).
This is my opinion of course and if you belive otherwise, you're free to do so.
After all, it's your life and only you can decide what to do with it.

Wish you happy life, my friend

 

This is the body we are given, the life we have to lead. There is no magic switch that will change that for us, no time machine to take us back and fix our mistakes. When you look at a photo of a younger you and wish for that back or wish for a do-over, all you are doing is procrastinating. No one can save you but you. You said it very well. This is what we have, ourselves. We live in our heads and no one can get in there. You have to be happy with whats bouncing around in there. I think this lonely felling could be powerful if harnessed. It takes so much time to work around other peoples schedules, other peoples Bullshit. at the end of the day I do not need that. All I need is myself. Their opinions should not cripple me. Yet they do, you are an inspiration...I am working towards that.

P.s what religion are you? Maybe I should try it.

 

Great post!

 

Thanks brother. I am trying to discover the right religion for me. I have read into Hinduism, Taoism, and now, I am reading the bible. I have just finished the book of Job (one of my favorite biblical stories besides Samson). Well see if I like the bible as a whole.

 

Hey
On my view
Depression (from Lat. Deprimo "to press (down), to suppress") is a mental disorder, the main signs of which are low mood and a decrease or loss of the ability to have pleasure (anhedonia).
Thanks

 

Some people here refer to religion as being helpful towards their PMO addiction (and other mental struggles like depression, loneliness and suicide).

I don't really see the direct connection. I was brought up Christian and I still always strongly believed in a higher power and an afterlife, but since my early youth already I had the impression that the higher power is no inherently good. Many good parts, but on the other hand so many fucked up and vile things happened through human history. I'm very interested in historical events and some of them are just so outright atrocious and wrong, it made me doubt that God really is on our side entirely. There are just too many historical proofs that brutal physical violence and sadism is a core genetical part of humans. In the end that makes me think a higher power like God might save us in the afterlife, but certainly not in the here and now. What do you think of that?

 

I think about that a lot. Sometimes I wonder if we were not just created and left. We keep looking up at the sky and dropping to our knees for some being that has long since given up on us. The killings and the brutality and the destruction...especially about what being is actually up in the sky and how to best worship it. It's a mess. If there is a being up there its one of two things, or both. It's either not all powerful or it's not all good. At the end of the day, how can we expect anything to be all good? Thats an unfair expectation. Look at kings and queens who hold power too long, slowly their young idealism morphs into cynicism. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely".