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How long do porn images stay in your head after beginning reboot

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by SCAJL, Apr 18, 2020.

  1. SCAJL

    SCAJL Fapstronaut

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    Im married and doing a hard mode reboot.
    Been using porn for 13years, 6 of them i have been in a reletionship and now married. My wife has only just found out how bad my pm addiction is, its has damaged her tremendously.
    But decpite this she has been amazing with me and supported me so much and is my accountability person.
    I was wondering if any of you could help to answer the question for me and my SO how long does the constant images of porn stop/slow down. Everytime i get this intrusive images i feel now like im betraying my SO and she takes it as betrayal and i dont blame her after all the secrecy and lying and betrayal iv caused, i feel so guilty and is killing me how much i have affected her
     
  2. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

    That's hard to say. Obviously the longer you go without looking at those pictures, the more they will fade from your memory. But here's the thing, you can't think about those pictures or remember them. You have to take your mind off of those things and not think about them. That will make them fade much quicker. I highly recommend getting some accountability other than your wife. (Not saying don't use her, just get another guy to help also.) At SA meetings, there are people usually very willing to be AP's and sponsors. That would be a very good idea in my opinion.

    Best of luck!
     
  3. Don’t know if it ever stops completely. I wish there was a way to erase all those scenes I’ve watched.

    I still remember the very first porn scene I watched back in the 70’s (my age in my profile is wrong. I’m in my 50’s). From time to time that scene will pop up for no apparent reason as well as numerous other scenes from over the years.

    Slowing it down and having longer stretches between recalls on the other hand is done by:

    Getting busy in healthy activities that you have a passion for and avoiding a lot of down time.

    Spending time on other constructive things is key. And I don’t mean just thinking about doing them but developing a lifestyle where your time is now spent doing healthy activities.

    That way your mind will be focusing on something different than sex related items.
     
    SCAJL likes this.
  4. SCAJL

    SCAJL Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys, i need to start stopping them images straight away, by thinking of something else and get something else in my head instead, no matter how consistent they are just need to keep fighting.
    Its amazing how your head works and what it can throw at you isnt it
    Thanks for the help
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. FY_33

    FY_33 Fapstronaut

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    Sir, according to my phsycologist, the image will just decrease, but delete all is impossible unless... you get an amnesia. I have 29 weeks no P but my nude ex picture sometimes come to my mind or my earliest or best P video that i watched.
    Why don't you just get some real sex. So only you will think only your wife, not a P star.
    In my case i just need the O. If that's fulfilled i don't need P or M.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    The mental images change in frequency, quality and intensity. How they affect you also changes. What are now quite vivid, pornographic and sleazy, and cause you to either consider relapse or to spiral into self-loathing, depression etc, will later become less graphic, less often, less inspired by porn. You may visualise your partner more often, rather than pornstars or random bodies. You may have flashes of more passionate, romantic imagery of the two of you, rather than the sort of sex that only exists in porn and tries to keep you enslaved there. These flashes of mental imagery will start to be perceived as a healthy and natural desire for intimacy with your loving partner, rather than unhealthy urges to engage in damaging behaviour alone and depressed. A sexual appetite will always exist in you, but if your sexual diet is healthier, then you will start to crave more nutritious sexual dishes from your favourite restaurant: your partner.

    A good approach is to acknowledge these thoughts, but not dwell on them. Notice the thought, notice how it makes you feel, then reconnect with your intentions on the nofap journey. Recognise that such thoughts are unhelpful, but don't punish yourself for having them. Just as you can't help notice an attractive person in the street, you can't help what images appear in your mind's eye. But you are in control of whether you stare, whether you take a second glance. Whether you dwell, obsess and take selfish pleasure.

    My partner is also an accountability partner of sorts. I tell her if I relapse. I tell her of certain behaviours or actions that step over a line between us and that might lead to relapse. That is important for the maintenance of the trust we have rebuilt between us and her belief in my ability to beat this habit. But I do not share every sexual thought or image that pops into my head. This is overkill and can do more harm than good. Take the time to work out what you should and shouldn't share with your wife, being conscious of oversharing. But don't engage in any activity or behaviour that you feel compelled to keep secret. Your wife should be your partner, not your crutch. If things are not so rosy right now, they can be rebuilt, but I encourage you to seek out a second accountability partner to discuss things such as intrusive mental imagery etc with. The more that good news can be what you bring to your wife, regarding your progress, the better. You don't want to come to her dozens of times a day to tell her you imagined person x performing act y like you saw in video z, you want to tell her at the end of the day that you successfully refrained from engaging in sexual fantasy, watching of p and mo. My wife and I now have a weekly check-in where I share my success. And it has been that exclusively for months now. Success after success.

    The images fade, they become something different. Just as your sexual behaviour becomes something more positive, healthy and fulfilling, so do your random sexual thoughts. Look forward to this.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. After nearly 2 years of not watching any porn I can safely say that many images never fully delete, but they also don't trigger any more. They are meaningless and not connected to a desire or any present emotion. They are connected to the past me, not the present me.

    Things that I find much harder to fade are objectifying, sexist thoughts and oogling.
     
    Konklifer, Deleted Account and Gmork like this.

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