How many days to recover and is sex ok?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by MyDarkPassenger, Aug 6, 2016.

  1. MyDarkPassenger

    MyDarkPassenger Fapstronaut

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    I have really bad social anxiety and I'm trying to overcome it using cbt and NoFap. I made it to 90 days before and only felt a difference the first week I started then it kind of faded away. I'm on day 11 now and am starting to feel more mentally clear, and once in a while find myself having conversations with people with out even thinking about it. I still feel really anxious almost all the time. What is the length of time I should shoot for to recover? And I also had sex today with a girl I've been talking to. I heard you should refrain from having sex in the beginning is that true? I also have PE which seems worse while doing nofap. Will that be cured after recovery?
     
  2. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    It varies for all. Since you have already gone 90 days, I would say shoot for at least 120 days. Withdrawals might still appear after that but they will be manageable if you have techniques to manage them.

    This is true for most although there are some who have regular sex with no problem. If you feel its difficult to reboot while you are having sex, refraining from it might be good idea.

    Only you can tell how better you will get. It seems worse because you may not have yet recovered yet. Go for 120 days (take or give 20 days) and then see if you see any difference. Good luck!
     
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  3. Jarin

    Jarin Fapstronaut

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    Here are my thoughts on your question about sex. I have seen a few people on other places saying that you should also refrain from sex if your doing NoFap, I strongly disagree.

    I initially got into NoFap because my addiction to porn and masturbating was really affecting my marriage. I had been married about eight years when I started NoFap but I had been watching porn and masturbating for a good 20 years. At this point in my life it wasn't uncommon for me to fap 2 or 3 times a day. I had all the typical problems that come with excessive fapping. Depression, lack of motivation, guilt, lack of self esteem, etc, etc. As I approached my mid 30's a new problem started cropping up, impotence. I started having trouble getting it up and keeping it up with my wife. With enough porn I could get it up to fap but my wife couldn't compete with the kinds of things I liked to watch. So I started to do some research and that's when I stumbled over NoFap.

    One thing I learned from my research is that excessive fapping lowers your testosterone levels, which is probably a big part of why chronic fappers have no energy. I also learned something else. That while fapping lowers your testosterone, having sex with another person raises it.

    So for me it has always been that while I don't fap anymore I take every opportunity that I have to make love to my wife. The results? Well I get all the results that people say they get from NoFap and more. From staying away from porn and masturbating I find that my normal healthy sexual urges have returned. I have more energy and I am far more motivated to succeed. I don't get depressed like I used to and I have a positive self image. Sex for me now isn't just about getting my rocks off, its about real love making and my sessions with my wife are passionate and satisfying. I am not left feeling drained afterward. When I was still looking at porn and jerking it 3 times a day if I managed to limp my way through a tryst I felt completely spent afterward. Now sex makes me feel energized and I feel so much closer and more engaged with my wife and family.

    So I think that as long as you are not slipping up and cheating all the time, and by that I mean watching porn and masturbating, then having sex with a partner can be more of a net gain then a loss. If you are worried about the energy loss from spilling your seed then I would suggest reading, "The Multi-Orgasmic Man,” by Douglas Abrams, and you can learn to have non-ejaculatory orgasms. I don’t personally worry about it myself but I probably should.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2016
  4. Jarin

    Jarin Fapstronaut

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    Sorry I forgot to comment on the PE. That could very well be because of the NoFap. For some people especially if you are young restraining yourself for a while can make it harder to control your ejaculation during sex. Keep with the NoFap though in the end you will have more control. Definitely check out that book, there is actually a lot of material in there that can help with PE.

    My main advice to you is to mind your breathing when you are having sex. Think of your ejaculation as a fire that you need to keep under control. Deep deliberate breaths will keep the fire cool so that it doesn't explode and sometimes you are going to have to slow down and focus on something else until you get yourself under control. I know it's difficult in the moment to slow down and even stop so that you don't explode all over the place but the more you do it the easier it will get. If you get good enough at controlling your breathing and focusing your thoughts you can last as long as you want. I usually just wait until it seems like my girl is well satisfied and then I let myself go.
     
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  5. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    All this reboot and rewire is just not physical. There is a mental aspect as well. @Jarin is on the spot about controlling your breathing. If you can regularly attend a few yoga classes will teach you about breathing and controlling your mind which I find are the toughest unspoken practices.
     
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  6. MyDarkPassenger

    MyDarkPassenger Fapstronaut

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    Wow a lot of good information guys. Thank you so much. You gave me the motivation to go to 120+ days. The deep breathing makes a lot of sense too because I feel like my PE is worse when I'm nervous or thinking about PE. Thank you everyone. I'll keep you posted on my progress
     

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