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Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by lonercub, Jan 26, 2019.
Is there a connection between PMO and being single?
Not necessarily. But I got addicted to PMO because I'm single and never had any intimate relations or not really even a platonic relationship with a woman. Quite sad, I know.
I got my dose of "intimacy" via a certain genre of porn.
Yup. P ruined my teens and twenties. All of it. And that isnt even an understatement. I didn't have any real connection or beautiful sex with any girl up until i was 31. I am really glad and happy that i found my way out of this hole and those horrible thinking patterns.
Yes I believe there is a connection. I only got my first serious relationship in my 40s when I finally gave up PMO. There were plenty of girls interested when I was younger, but I only saw them as playthings so I couldn’t relate to them enough to get into anything serious. The irony is that when I got into a serious relationship PIED caused it to break down which led to relapse. But I know that if I get rid of PMO for good, I can start living properly.
Im almost 40 and never had a relationship but every day I'm craving for a woman beside me.
I think that's some truth in that connection. Maybe that's the same reason why so many men and women are dissatisfied with their intimate relationships. I explain: since porn and masturbation are so widespread into society, women kind have to give up on relating to a certain type of manhood whose values and attitudes reflects much of the fantastic world of PMO. Once one commit yourself to let all that junk stuff go by rebooting, you begin to realize how distorted many kinds of relationships (even the ones that seems to be going great) may be in real life. So, quitting this addiction only could help improve your abilities to connect and further relate to persons you find interesting and attractive. This would explain, at the same time, why some folks begin to report some "magical" type of female attraction once they're advanced on their rebooting process.
Well, I could be entirely mislead on such general assumption, by that's the way things have felt to me along my experiences.
I've never a GF until I was 30+ years old. I believe that there is a connection in my case. Because I was so shy, anxious, and depressed, I chose porn as a surrogate, and then this turned into addiction which made me even more shy, anxious, and depressed. So it goes both ways in a cycle. When I first started rebooting and got my first 30+ day streaks (twice), I got out of this cycle and found my first girlfriend. (In the end, I was rejected, but whatever.) Now I'm in this cycle again, trying to get out.
Can't agree more with you, PMO makes me shy, no confidence so I'm afraid of developing relationship with girls after my first girl broke up with me. In my mind it's bcz I'm not deserve girls love. but i don't think nofab can deal with all of the bad things( In my conuntry, there is forum, they think if you stop PMO, you can deal with anything just like you have superpower, so i left here.). but stop PMO can makes you better, I believe it!
I never had a girlfriend in school. Went to the Navy and lost my virginity to a hooker in Hawaii. On my 3rd marriage and on the verge of failing.... all attributed to porn and the effects it has on me... I'm not going back to that life, its a vicious cycle
Nope. Not in high school, not in college.
There's probably some connection, but many find themselves with the same addiction whilst engaging in one or more sexual relationships. My main insecurity actually has to do with obesity and "size" issues. If I were more physically fit and better endowed, I'd probably have more courage to pursue relationships even with this PMO addiction. Not saying it would be a healthy decision, but that's just how I see it.
I agree with you.I nevar had GF in school or university.I am 33.At 31 I dated a girl buy due to lack of confidence I didn't not had sex with her even though she was ready. PMO has affected my confidence and self esteem which girls can easily read.But since II started nofap my confidence is high and I can easily talk to any woman looking directly into their eyes.
Good to see someone even at 31 (my age) being able to overcome negative thought patterns that keep you trapped and find a sexual partner. I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there that will find this helpful by inspiring them to not for up and to push themselves.
Have you thought about Malik a thread explaining how you got out of that mindset and pushed yourself to date? Think it would help a lot of people.
For me yes... I didn't feel good enough to get a girlfriend because of PM. I had relationships in my 30's and porn played a part in them coming to an end.
Make no mistake. Those thinking patterns are really fkn hard to fight. And that is what is was and to a degree, still is for me. WAR. I am fighting the negative thoughts with everything i can, as if my life depends on it. Because, in a way... it does.
And i am sure as hell not a rolemodel yet with all the flaws i still have.
I just am way further ahead then at my darkest times, when everything was horrible in my life in regards to sexuality.
Just because i discovered a healthy sexuality within me, am practicing it, doesnt mean i am where i want to be mate. I didnt have sex before 31, and while that sex was increadably healing for me, i didnt have sex since. And that is almost 8 months ago soon.
I am still fighting with where i need to improve on, but the difference to my life before is - and this is the most notable one -, I am taking responsibility for everything now.
Whether i have sex with a girl i am attracted to isn't up to the universe anymore.
I came to the understanding that the universe will give you what you work for and what you deserve because of the hard work.
NOT what you wish for or what you THINK you deserve.
But that is a good thing actually. It means that IF you put in the hard work, you get what you deserve.
And knowing this gives me a much better rest and the ability to go through the days much easier.
Its not up the universe to give me what i want.
Its up to me to work for what i want and i deserve in Life.
And i am doing that every single day.
There is next no day in the last couple of months where is didnt implement good habits and learn something.
I either work out, read, learn french and if possible talk to my friends, do new social activities and when the opportunity arises, ill ask out a girl. Whether i get to be with her or not doesnt matter that much. I just want to work on my skills to improve my own life-quality
All the best
That's a valuable lesson, yet a difficult one to fully comprehend and implement on our own experience. But it totally fits with my perception and learning about life.
I have had girlfriends since i was 16 years old but i always ruined the relationships because of PM...
It seems to me that the connection is pretty clear. If you sate your desires through substitutions for a real girlfriend, you'll probably be less likely to work on getting one. I personally am obsessed about women and think about them almost all the time yet besides a drunken kiss here and there and a few failed attempts at penetration I haven't gotten anywhere with the soft gender.
The culture has really changed. The modern urban young women have been indoctrinated to be man hating Art hoes.
Fascinating thread. I have always doubted my self confidence with girls back in high school and college because of porn use. I thought fapping was healthy but none of this stopped me. I had girlfriends in high school and dated several nice girls. I had a couple of steady girls in college and ended up marrying the most awesome woman ever while we were both in college. I’ve always fapped sometimes with porn sometimes without all through this time but you guys really make me think how much different things would have been without this chain around my neck.
As a teen and throughout my life I have had some experimental relationships with buds too. Often we found porn and masturbation to be a common interest as we explored each other and our bodies and our abilities to feel pleasure with a close mate. But that’s just a more strange part of my life. maybe that would have been a lot different without the porn as well. What do you guys think?
Some very similar stories to my own above. No girlfriend until 31 and PMO became in some ways a substitute and there was certainly a large element of using it to self medicate i.e. well if I can’t get a girlfriend I’m going to PMO myself silly to make me feel better. Which of course doesn’t work or I wouldn’t be here...