How many of you asked a girl out during your reboot?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by InvisibleControl, May 3, 2016.

  1. InvisibleControl

    InvisibleControl Fapstronaut

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    I have never asked a girl out for a date neither did I ever ask a girl for her number ever?
    But I feel motivated today to go out and ask one out.

    Did you guys ever get the chance to ask a girl out during your no PMO?

    What are your stories?
     
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  2. cosmicspaceman

    cosmicspaceman Fapstronaut

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    I always believed taking a break from girls was crucial to a 'reboot'. This is for just me personally, because I can see how having a girl around during a reboot is beneficial. Dating girls during a hard mode reboot left me frustrated because I always wanted more, since my brain hasn't subconsciously changed my thought process that 'dating is just for sex'.

    Just my 2c
     
  3. ChrisHaven

    ChrisHaven Fapstronaut

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    I did so all through my reboot. I don't think its an issue unless you have a serious problem with rejection- by that, I mean if rejections send you on a negative emotional spiral, you should probably avoid it, as it can trigger a relapse.
     
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  4. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    I haven't progressed to getting numbers and dates but it's a whole new process for me. Talking to them and giving myself opportunities to get numbers and dates is vital to my success in rebooting, because to break any habit (in this case, pmo and mo), you have to replace it with a new, healthy habit. In this case talking to girls and going on dates, instead of jerking yourself off to pixels or twisted thoughts.
     
  5. InvisibleControl

    InvisibleControl Fapstronaut

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    Thats more like it.And if you find it hard to take rejection read ji jiang's book - rejection therapy.It will change your perspective on things.
     
  6. cosmicspaceman

    cosmicspaceman Fapstronaut

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    I haven't heard of that book. Maybe It'll help me get past my perfectionist tendencies and be alright with rejection. Thanks.
     
  7. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

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    Asked out one girl I fell in love with. Got rejected. But hey I tried so I don't have to blame myself.
     
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  8. im looking for a girlfriend but I haven't asked a girl out yet because I'm quick to assumptions lol
     
  9. Phantom04

    Phantom04 Fapstronaut

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    I did asked two girls out. One of them was willing to go out for a drink but not for more, but I never feel bad for being rejected. It was okay that I never got to sleep with her, hanging out with her was quite good actually.
    With the other one, I am currently not being able to see her since she lives abroad but she would love for me to visit her soon!
    My opinions on dating, is If you think you are not ready for it...DON'T DO IT, simple as that!
    Being very confused and clingy will just push them away and the aftermath could be painful and end up in relapse.
    I'm in the middle of a "somewhat" relationship and honestly...it's just causing me trauma.

    But, in the end, each to himself!
     
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  10. SLIPZ19

    SLIPZ19 Fapstronaut

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    Wow dude, I think you may have given the worst advice ever to deal with rejection. Are u saying that if he is afraid or worried about rejection he should just 'run away' and just NOT attempt? - I could be misunderstanding you.
     
  11. Good positive thinking. Becasue the only things you will regret in life are the ones you haven't treid.

    I've been in a relationship this whole time when I was rebooting and only few days earlied we broke up (it was a positive break up becasue we were in long distance relationship) so I might be trying to ask girls out, but I'm not to keen on it, becasue I feel that I don;t really want it that much and also I fianlly can go hardmode for a longer time. Girls will be there they wont run away (I hope :D)
     
  12. nope nah never not at all. I will ask a girl out when I am ready to though. I am as happy as a cupcake being single for at least a few years to come, and I am so excited that I will have been free of porn for some years before I enter a relationship. I see a lot on here about getting a girlfriend while rebooting, which is great. However I don't think it is the most important thing. The most important thing to me is to get my health under control and my relationship with God blooming again.
     
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  13. InvisibleControl

    InvisibleControl Fapstronaut

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    Well done!
     
  14. InvisibleControl

    InvisibleControl Fapstronaut

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    Calm down,what your brain actually think doesnt really happen.Just go for it!
     
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  15. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Totally forgot but I did get a number and asked her out...but it's complicated lol. She's in a couple of my classes and I told her we should study together, which I got her number and we studied a few times. I asked her out through text but we never ended up going out or studying again, but she's on the school's golf team so she was always out of town it seemed. After she flaked on me a couple of months ago and I called her out on it and then went no contact. It seemed to work because today after our last final she told me we should hang out during the summer, lol. This chick is driving me nuts but I understand that golf took a lot out of her and her suggesting that gives me a spark of hope. We'll see in a week or so haha.

    I asked another out yesterday but instead of in person it was through Facebook. Don't know if she'll reply and I should have did it in person yesterday, since this chick was practically begging me to, but I pussied out. Had to through FB because I'll never see her again so it was my only option left. Lesson learned!!!!!!
     
  16. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    If you guys think you have it bad. At least being rejected you get closure and you move on.

    As for me? Not so. She came into my life exactly the same time I started the reboot/rewiring with a flatline thrown in. Worst. Timing. Ever. I have no choice but to put her in the friendzone. Great girl. Terrible timing. The best situation right now is we are work out buddies and we talk a lot. And I mean a lot. That is where it ends. Connecting with her and developing chemistry with her right now are much more important to me than crossing that line. Yet the more I get to know her I pretty much prefer this state of our association. She has her own issues as well and in conjunction with my present situation me making any further moves beyond friendship would be a disaster in the making. So the situation here? The best move I realize is not to make a move at all.

    Maybe this rebooting/rewiring with that damn flatline is a blessing in disguise? I don't know. Or maybe this will make us a stronger couple if we both decide to walk that path down the road? I don't know either. LOL. Or maybe some higher power send her in my presence to help me battle and overcome this PMO dilemma? Could be.

    This is the sole reason I hate porn and declared absolute war inside out. When something great comes along and you are not ready for it. So damn frustrating.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2016
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  17. Thanks man hopefully my mood goes back to normal next week and I can get back on it.
     
  18. Aaayron

    Aaayron Fapstronaut

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    Unfortunately I'm still a shy fucker when it comes to things like this haha. There is this one girl I very much like that I've been very close friends with for about 7 months now (We go to the same college and enrolled in the same course) and I've been meaning to gather up confidence to confess to her and stuff. Thing is, finals week is upon us and I don't think now would be an appropriate time to tell her something like this :/ Maybe I should just put it off until a more comfortable time comes upon us, then I can say it. Rest assured I'll make sure we're still close pals even if she rejects me. It wouldn't change the fact that she's still an awesome friend :)
     
  19. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Don't confess your feelings until you know that she is 100% into you, because more than likely it will blow up in your face. I did this once to a girl and fell on my face so hard that I didn't want to talk to another girl for months (and didn't because of fucking pmo). Her response was basically, I'm not dating at the moment, but we can still be friends (which was bullshit because she always complained over facebook how lonely she is and wants to find true love and all that mushy shit).

    What you should do is just casually ask her what she has planned for this summer and that you should hang out when school lets out. Just naturally progress the friendship to more and see how she responds. You don't want to wake up one day regretting passing up on her, so take the bull by the horns and just ask her out for drinks or dinner.

    As I posted above the girl I've been trying to get with now wants to get together now that school is done with this semester, so we've got to man up and take charge. I could have easily forgotten her and moved on, but apparently she's still got interest. Like in your case, just go with it, either try to set up dates or go on them with her and see where the chips fall. If nothing happens, no worries, stay friends and go on to the next girl. Remember, there are millions of girls out there, try not to get hung up on one until you're married, lol. You don't want to come off as clingy or weird, especially if she doesn't have the same feelings towards you that you have towards her.

    Ask her out and tell us how it goes!!!!
     
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  20. Aaayron

    Aaayron Fapstronaut

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    @volt2187 Hey man thanks for all the advice :) You raise some really good points here actually, but here's a little snag in these plans...
    Unfortunately her hometown's in a different province (I live in an archipelago known as the Philippines lol) located WAY down in the south, and she will undeniably head back there as soon as classes end. So I guess I can't ever really see her unless there's classes and that I probably have no choice but to wait until my sophomore life comes into play...

    And another thing...I don't know man, here in the Philippines a majority of the girls are very conservative in nature and don't really wanna jump into dating a guy immediately. They almost always need to be good friends first before the girl can start warming up to said guy. A lot of my guy friends have gone through that actually, getting their loyalty tested and stuff. One's been with this girl since 7th grade but apparently they're still not official yet; the girl wants them both to graduate first before they can actually confirm their relationship and everyone's cool with it. Another's been courting this girl for the past year or so and it's only recently that the girl's warmed up to him, but he still has to wait as well since her parents don't approve her being in a relationship yet. Basically what I'm saying is, we sort of still follow the old, traditional style of courting here or something. I'm not familiar with the "go on a date once or twice > be interested in each other > kiss/have sex > become boyfriend-girlfriend in the span of 2 weeks or so" style that I've noticed from Westerners :/

    Thing is, I'm also more than willing to do the same things my friends have been doing, and all my irl friends have been advising me to just tell her I like her and stuff and court her like per usual, but it really conflicts with the advice I get on the Internet which all seem to follow your idea of asking her out...and I'm really not sure what to do or how to do anything anymore now really :/ This is seriously the first time I've even been anywhere close to a girl I like since before I used to always avoid my crushes and not talk to them from being too socially inept at the time :( Romance noob is me...

    EDIT: I just realized there's actually a very in-depth article on Wikipedia about courting here in PH lol https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship_in_the_Philippines
     

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