How masturbation saved me

Hello friends,

I came to realise how subtle all the nofap path is, how disappointed one could feel when trying to quit and how our minds trick is into coming back to the behavior.

Like most of us, I have been thinking about quitting porn for a long time now, more than 5 years. I've been into lots of genres of porn and in the last years I've been frequenting prostitutes as well. Around one year ago I have decided to quit. What happened was I started a 90 day challenge. I relapsed, started again, relapsed again... Since less than a year now (you'll see the counter still showing the date), I haven't masturbated to porn.

But the thing is, being so hard to stop, after a few weeks I started to "peek" at tumblr nude blogs, then went back to watching brief moments of porn and masturbating. One would call it a failure, but I came to realise what I really DID manage for almost a year now is to dissociate orgasm from porn. I never orgasmed from porn since.

These last months I have started a new step in my recovery, I have quit watching porn. I celebrate 90 days today from the last time I have watched porn or looked at a nude photo. This is my second step in the journey, which took place almost one year after deciding to stop.

To get straight to the point, the thing that has really helped me cope with my urges in these last 90 days of no-porn was masturbating when it really felt unstoppable. I would wait for a time in the day (or if the time wouldn't come and I would still find myself very horny the following day, I would do it the next day) when I could be alone and I would masturbate without any material and release. That way I managed to stay away from porn and I would release the pressure.

Now my next step is doing 90 days no masturbation, the thought of which is making me fearful but I know it's going to happen.

Good luck to everyone, and please don't feel discouraged when you can't follow the awesome goals you've set for yourselves by the letter, know you are always progressing towards your goal and will eventually get there !

 

You know, it's quite hard for me to enjoy anything for the moment, because of the depression and numbness caused by pmo.
I do, however, feel a slow increase in my happiness since the last 90 days, since I have quit watching porn and all nudity. That's when I came to realise I've been actually fooling myself for a year now. Even though I swore never to orgasm again to porn, watching it from time to time still kept me handicapped, so to speak...

I can't say I've found something new as a source of joy, it's more that I am now starting to enjoy more the normal things that I do and happen in my life, which I wouldn't before... like a hug, a sunset, the lights in the city at night, clouds etc... I did try meditation, positive affirmations and other things as a substitute for my pmo problem but none lasted on the long run for me.