How much of de ''hocd'' sufferers are actually gay in denial?

OCD manifests in many different ways. It taps into deep seated fears and for people with HOCD the fear isn't being gay but the fear is not knowing your true sexuality. It's a cruel and horrible thing to suffer with.

There aren't many "success" stories with OCD. You don't wake up one day and it's gone. Most people that beat OCD take 18+ months. Even then, it's a lifelong condition. Hopefully you can get it under control but it never really goes away. Life stressors often bring it back.

I have actually had OCD for as long as I can think, even since I was a child. I have never really known my sexuality. Everyone always says that they always knew their sexuality but I've been waiting my whole life for that moment. My HOCD has been there for 10+ years (I never knew what it was until recently). I spent years thinking that I was gay and in denial. Being gay in denial means you know that you're gay and want to be gay. With HOCD you get the doubt that you might be gay and it keeps building and building. Not that the OCD doesn't taunt you by making you think that you're gay and in denial.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. I consider myself bisexual I suppose, but when I think about my feelings towards women, they're purely sexual or based on physical attraction. I have no interest in having a romantic relationship with a woman. Those feelings preceeded porn, but porn definitely made those feelings more pronounced. Also, when you get deep into the pit of PMO, you get intrigued by a lot of crazy stuff. I've been into lots of weird stuff... incest, transwoman, gay porn, lesbian porn, etc.... but at the end of the day, what you choose to do with those feelings is a choice. So, for me, I don't really worry about my attraction to women. It's just kind of there and whatevs. But that's just me.

 

Yeah, most things are easier said than done. Lol

Hm... idk. I don't think my brain is really much different than yours, so whatever makes it exciting to you is probably the same for me.

Actually, now that I think about it, there is a tangible reason I tend to gravitate toward that sometimes.

Spoiler: Triggering maybe

No matter what, it's centered on the man, not the woman... because there is no woman. Most porn is kind of geared towards men, which means it's generally focused on the woman's pleasure because that's what men want to see. But most of the time I'm more interested in the man's pleasure, and believe it or not, there is not a lot out there that shows that side. Except with gay porn, of course.

Gosh... that made me sad to write. Just the fact that I've seen so much of this crap that I can tell you where the industry is lacking, because I've searched high and low and can't find what I'm looking for. That's just gross and sad. Good thing we are changing.

 

I'm sure some people probably do use HOCD as an excuse. However, genuine OCD is different (I don't differentiate HOCD from OCD - it's all the same to me). I find it really hard to explain. I kind of knew that my HOCD thoughts weren't real but they kept multiplying in my head. They were really out of control at one point. I know they get worse when I'm stressed (OCD is an anxiety disorder). I am open to the idea of being gay. I just struggle with the uncertainty.

 

I had never heard of HOCD before coming across this site.

I had moderate OCD and went to self help groups and read books about it and went to a therapist. It has just about gone and comes back for the odd minute or two every six months or so. I note it happening and let it go. If it does come back stronger than that I have ways to deal with it.

OCD is often about the fear of being angry, of being destructive, or hate. People who obsessively clean their hands are sometimes worried their hands are dirty and that the dirt will get on someone else and make them ill or kill them.

The cure is to work out what the fears are about and why they are there and face them and to slowly, but repeatedly do the awful thing and find out that nothing bad happens. Do not clean your hands for half a day if that is your fear and see what happens. Then do it for a whole day. Then put your hands in muck. That sort of thing.

I had repeated worries about being a paedophile. I am not one. I am 57 and a dedicated homosexuality. I think about sex with men. I have sex with men. I have enjoyed sex with men.

I know a lot about paedophiles as I helped set up a phone line for men who had been sexually assaulted as adults or children so I have done a lot of research in to paedophiles and I do not do what they do or think like them. I knew all this yet I used to worry about this a fair bit. It wasn't too bad but then something set it off really bad. This has now gone apart from the odd thought once every six months or so where as it used to be all the time.

I also used to worry about blurting out racist things. So I used to lock myself in my room and say racist things. I found that nothing bad happened to me and my anxiety reduced. I never have said racist things in public, it would be totally against my nature. It was a worry about offending people. I offend some people just by existing. My parents were offended by me for things that I had no comprehension of at the time. I had to get used to the idea that I can be offensive to people and that has little to do with me and also that I can be deliberately offensive if I choose - though not racist as that is not a choice I have any reason to make.

If you are worried about being gay maybe you should write down your fears and then say them out loud in a safe place, to yourself or to a trusted friend, and see how it feels. If it feels terrifying then I would do it again until the fear subsides a bit and then repeat that regularly. It is after all only a choice and a valid one. Being gay is not a bad thing, it is a good thing.

 

Seriously?

 

"For me, the idea of being gay is even worst than suicide"

Wow! That's a very strong statement! Regardless of whether or not HOCD (which I had never heard of) is "gay in denial" or not, it sounds like there are definitely some fears and misconceptions that you would do well to explore.
Why is the idea of being gay so repulsive? Are you afraid of judgement? If you did happen to be gay, what do you think that says about you that would be worse than suicide? You described a "stereotypical" gay guy from your soccer team. Is that the only gay person you've ever met?

At the very least you can challenge your thoughts that being gay is "worse than suicide" and instead say something like "being gay might not be bad at all, and it's definitely not as bad as I think it is"

 

I agree. OCD feeds on fear and the only way to break the OCD cycle is to break down that fear, otherwise the OCD will always have a hold on you.

 

Yeah, I'd go further and encourage saying, "Being gay is absolutely wonderful. I embrace my gayness."


It is after all only a fear and Daydreamer needs to get over the fear to really embrace his sexuality whatever that maybe.

 

Hocd?
What is this in full?

 

I believe it will pass once you get really into reboot. I know for sure now that I am not gay, even tough I once upon a time watched gay porn and got turned on by it.

 

there is a real difference between being turned on and wanting to act on it.