How much of our troubles is a refusal to grow up?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by newstart002, Apr 21, 2019.

  1. newstart002

    newstart002 Fapstronaut

    We live in a world ( the West anyway) that promotes youth and certain lifestyles, fashions, and trends that.pander to our arrogance and make us believe we'll be young forever.

    We make choices thinking we'll always have tomorrow. We perhaps have ruined previous relationships because we always think that a better one is around the corner.

    Porn medicates us. The online world is another panacea where we can rush to for a bit of emotional comfort.I

    Our needs are not met by any of this. Porn, social media and all the other nonsense simply prolong our immaturity, as we fail to take responsibility.

    We often have little control over the forces that may assail us. But we can fight back and prevail, even in small ways.

    And nofap is just the start of "growing up", and becoming men.
  2. teach3615

    teach3615 Fapstronaut

    I really appreciate this. I think of that old quote about leaving childish ways behind me. I've been trying to quit for awhile, with and without support. But I realize that I don't want it to be a part of my life in 10 years, 5 years, a year, even tomorrow. It is, like you said, a medicine.

    There's nothing wrong with it in itself, I believe. But how I use it is wrong. I use it to eliminate unpleasant feelings, to still the rushing in my diseased head, to feel good. None of these are acceptable, and none of these are letting me grow as a person.

    I'd like to stop. Thanks for this post. It's exactly what I needed to see.
  3. newstart002

    newstart002 Fapstronaut

    Thanks, glad it made you think.
  4. Chinese proverb:
    The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.

    Social media (and porn I now realise) are the highlights reel of other people's lives and interactions. They're ubiquitous and exaggerated.

    Anything I've done that has been worthwhile and made me better has been difficult, including nofap.

    The western world has probably always promoted a certain lifestyle or trend, but it's no longer character building and integrity. It's superficiality and materialism that is promoted, which never brings fulfilment.

    Happiness is something we tell ourselves we'll have if we get the latest technology, own something new, watch another porn video. I'm not spiritual really but the fulfilment comes from difficult things - knowing yourself, building and maintaining relationships. The shortcuts of porn and social media are no substitute for such fulfilment, and realising that is part of the growing up you mention.
  5. great post.
    Yes, marketing - advertisers, pornographers, vice merchants all cater to our every whim - and that in turn makes us weak and ironically, more miserable.

    The powerful and wealthy have vested interest in keeping you addicted, passive, and weak as well. That's what tyrants do. But they are chains we forge on ourselves... we have the power to break them too.
    SirErnest and newstart002 like this.
  6. Beautifully said , obviously you have travelled enough to know our success has largely ruined our generation making us incompetent in so many basic areas.

    Good for you for going against the flow.
    newstart002 likes this.
  7. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

    Life has certainly changed over the past 50 years or so, back then most people would have started working as teenagers and many would be married with kids by their early 20's. Nowadays a lot of people don't start working until their early 20's, what with university, gap years and so on. So we are taking that much longer to grow up and take more responsibilities.

    Just a thought really, but I suspect many of us picked up this habit in our teens and before we know it we're in our 30's and still wasting hours PMOing. Whereas as most of the habits and interests of our teenage years we grew out of years ago...
    BruceD likes this.
  8. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

    Thank you for this post. I am 35 years old and it's tough seeing people around me grown up and me lagging behind mentally and literally as everyone from my past have kids live in a house etc. One thing I would say is that I notice a lot of "grown ups" talk so much about relationships. Either they are talking about their own or about another's in social settings.
    BruceD, newstart002 and need4realchg like this.
  9. To me, "growing up" means I have to put aside MY interests just so I can please OTHERS, and society at large. I have no interest in doing this, nor any obligation. I'm 34 and my favorite TV show is SpongeBob. I slept with stuffed animals well into my 20s. I have no problem telling people these "childish" things, as I accept what I like.
    need4realchg likes this.
  10. not rly. for me, imaturity comes from lack of sex. you cannot mature on your own. you need help. sex is waht differentiates a child from a man thats why "porn" is adult content, a child cant have sex.

    yet, you can have sex but you cant find someone who wants to do it with you. whats the difference beteween you and your child version? bigger muscles, height, IQ? there are kids outh there with all this as well but there is no kid who gets laid because getting laid makes you an adult.

    I see teens being a million times more mature than me and my virgin friends jsut because they get laid ofter. some men wil forever be children really.
    Denier likes this.
  11. I liked your spirit and followed your thinking until the very end but honestly kids get laid all the time. They don’t seem to magically get mature after. Hence why they have kids as a teenager...

    Sorry , kids having sex doesn’t make them mature.
    FormerFapaholic likes this.
  12. it makes them more mature rly. childhood is meant to be abandoned at some point through sexual maturity.
    Denier and need4realchg like this.
  13. I agree with your last statement. But using mine, MANY kids mature when they have to take care of children. They did Not mature because they had sex.
  14. their children which they obtained via sex
  15. Hello?? Teenagers have sex. Heck even 3rd graders have sex. I had it at 10, then again at 19.

    It does NOT make them mature. They are still kids.
    They can do the same thing. As a 20 year old in college many kids do not grasp a mature decisions on what career to pick.

    Sweat, curiosity, orgasm, passion, cum, pussy juice any other byproduct does not magically mature individuals.

    You know what does ? Pain. Loss. Failure. Success. Stress. Birth. Kids. Cancer. STDs.
  16. no matter what you go through you wot matrue until you get laid sadly. its nice to think that all you have to do is man up and shit like that but n reality its women who define you as a male/
  17. Denier

    Denier Fapstronaut

    Sex at 10!?!?!?!? WTAF!????????????

    Holy shit. That is incredibly disturbing. It must disturb you that you even saw another child with their clothes off, let alone having a memory of having sex with them! Unless it was an older girl.

    I didn't want to have sex until 13 1/2 but when I did it was like a light switch flicking on and because I knew I would never get it I just fapped profusely.

    Also you're last bit is depressing and pathetic. Who the FUCK wants to "grown up" if that's what awaits them.

    I agree with virginwarrior on this.

    Yeah, this makes a lot of sense. Most guys only option to lose their virginity is prostitutes or becoming a rapist.

    The whole feminist culture makes even expressing you're desire for a woman very dangerous for a man these days.
    need4realchg likes this.
  18. Honestly kids experiment with sex way more than what you may realize. My fav user here @SuperFan i find to be a lucid voice and would like to see him chime in. Depending where you are, what level of social status, family income ; country. The sheer notion that somehow Penetrative vaginal or anal insertion matures ppl is a theory that is INCREDIBLY dangerous ...

    By that measure “more sex makes people better. “

    Btw what do you say about oral sex? Or lesbian sex? Do you feel they are maturing solely because of what enters their mouths?

    I’m flabbergasted lol.
    I really hope you reconsider the end game of this thought.

    As for the reality of what matures people I gave Sobering examples of what CAN do it. But dont get me wrong, personal responsibility isn’t glamorous; it’s not as nice a sound bite as “get laid, get better.”

    Lol. I wish that were even remotely true man.

    For me the maturing happened because of child raising nothing literally nothing to do with sex.
  19. which doesn't really count anyway

    feminism is the default state of human nature. you shouldn't express any desire at all, women only want good looking guys
  20. Denier

    Denier Fapstronaut

    I think having sex before puberty is INCREDIBLY dangerous and perverted.

    But I do think having sex at a normal young adult time like 15-18 is healthy and normal.

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