How NoFap ruined me.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ankur Sharma, Jun 8, 2018.

  1. Ankur Sharma

    Ankur Sharma Fapstronaut

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    I was addidted to M since I was 13-14 years old I far as I can remember. It was once daily or maybe alternate days. No P because of no internet.

    I never had a problem with masturbation. I was perfectly fine. I was among the best students academically, above 80%. I cleared my 10th with 79%. My 12th with 75% with this addiction.

    Then I went to college. I was masturbating daily to release the tension, masturbationg everyday in the morning so that the urge will not destract me. and somehow it worked. I was a good student. 4 years went on and I graduated wil 71%. Enough I think to get a job.

    In college I became addicted to porn. Interet came. But I was fine. If I had hours of study ahead of me, I could still focus on it because I dont consider Porn and Masturbation as an addiction then. It never hindered my performance. My grades were always good because I gave it the first priority and porn was my second priority.

    But then I found noFap. P and M was considered as an addiction. I tried hard and achieved a 93 days HardMode in 2016.

    But after that I was not able to do it again, I had some good streaks always. But I never had such a streak.

    I became frustrated, I STARTED HITTING THE GYM HARD, STARTED EXERCISING MORE, HOPING IT WILL HELP. AND IT HELPED ME. BUT FINALLY KILLED ME.

    I HAD TWO SLIPED DISCS IN MY L5-S1 AND L4-L5. I CRIED FOR HELP MANY TIMES. I TOLD MY DOCTOR THAT I THINK I HAD COMPRESSED MY DISC, SINCE THE PAIN WAS RADIATING TO THE RIGHT LEG, BUT HE NEGLECTED. I THOUGHT HE WAS RIGHT SINCE HE WAS A DOCTOR.

    AND THEN MY PROBLEM GOT WORSE. I TOLD HIM AGAIN. I GOT A X RAY. THE REPORT WAS NORMAL BUT HE TOLD ME THAT THERES A COMPRESSION, NOT IN LOWER BACK BUT IN THE UPPER BACK. I WAS CONFUSED, ONE- THE REPORT WAS NORMAL AND TWO- I DONT HAVE ANY PROBLEM IN MY MID BACK. BUT I BELIEVED HIM. HE SUGGESTED ME WRONG EXERCISE AND THE PROBLEM BECAME WORSE.

    I TOLD HIM AGAIN, THEN HE SAID THAT I HAVE SI JOINT DISLOCATION. I DID MANY FORWARD BENDING EXERCISES FROM YOUTUBE, TWO CHANNELS- "YOGA WITH ADRIENE", "SmashweRx". And the problem became worse.

    I was crying for help. Everytime I went to the doctor, I said I wanted to get MRI done, he refused me, embarrasing me saying since you don't earn please don't waste your parents money.

    I told him again I want MRI, please give me prescription. He said the money you will spend on an MRI from that money I will cure you. I told him that it had been months since I am visiting you but still I am in pain, he said he hadn't started curing me yet. I thought then were you joking with me. It had been seven months.

    I asked MRI again, he said MRI is done if the problem is not diagnoised, your problem is SI joint. He was so wrong. Till then I had lost all my beliefs on him.

    I went to another doctor, I asked for MRI, the reply was, people try to escape from MRI, why you want to waste money.

    I was crying inside. Finally on my birthday this 2nd of June, I had my MRI done.

    I had annular tear and disc protusion. I am so worried now about my life. Fear, guilt, worries. I am afraid.

    I told I had some disc problem seven months ago in Nov, 2017 to the doctor. I told him thousand times, that I had disc problem, he rufused everytime. I told him the pain is radiating to the leg in the calf. He said if there was a disc then the pain would have been a straight line. Since you dont have pain in your hamstring, theres no disc. The pain in your calf muscles could be some muscle problem. He was so wrong. I told him that earlierI had pain in the hamstring too, he ignored.

    I make a huge mistake believing a person I dont know personally. I thought of going to other doctor because of lack of resources I couldnot. Nobody helped me. I cried thousand times.

    What I had gone through, nobody can imagine. I had an MRI of my own. I knew I was going to die. I went to the hospital alone. And now maybe in the future, coming nearby years, I will suicide.

    Takeaway: the problem starts when we make our opinions based on other peoples opinion.

    I have numbness in my right foot and weakness and lower back pain. I cannot live like this. I will not survive. I will kill myself one day.

    That doctor always change everytime I visited him, oneday he told one thing, then the other day, he told something different, one day he told this exercise and other day he told a different. One day he told I had vitamin D deficiency and the other day he told me I had SI joint dislocation. Always ignoring me.

    Lastly after seeing the MRI report, he told he is going to burn my disc through a laser. How could he be so cruel. Its better to have a surgery. He thought that I am so ignorant that I would give myself to him since I respected him till now. He is planning to kill me.

    God please save me.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2018
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  2. Please don't blame this site or your attempt to overcome PM addiction. Whether you were addicted to PM or not, the tragic situation occurred in a gym. I am very sorry for your suffering and may God's grace help you recover from your pain and suffering. Get a second opinion! Change doctors! Report malpractice! PLEASE don't entertain thoughts of murder/suicide. PLEASE!
     
  3. Ankur Sharma

    Ankur Sharma Fapstronaut

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    you are right, I was unable to maintain a balance in my life.
     
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  4. Also, if you are a victim of blindsided medical doctors, then I suggest seeing a chiropractor, especially if he/she knows holistic healing procedures such as ayurvedic medicine, etc.
     
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  5. RobinsonCrusoe

    RobinsonCrusoe Fapstronaut

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    With or without nofap, you would've eventually found out that porn can be an addiction or at least a serious problem.
     
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  6. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    I am very sorry about your health.

    It seems you're associating your grades with how happy you are, which I think is wrong. I had one of the best grades in my school, and yet I am addicted to porn and several other things, and I had some pretty bad depression and social anxiety since I became a teenager. Grades are just grades, some people can perform well even while being sick and depressed. It has little to do with addictions, especially during initial phases of this disease. Even with things like alcohol and drugs people can lead seemingly healthy and successful lives until the later stages.

    I hope you'll get better.
     
  7. TheodoreCleaver

    TheodoreCleaver Fapstronaut

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    That’s one heck of a rant. There’s a lot going on there. I think the biggest take away is that you need to talk to a therapist sooner rather than later. I came up with that one many paragraphs before the mention of suicide which puts a bigger emphasis on it.
     
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