How PMOing was poisoning my life with sex obsession

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by budvap, Oct 11, 2019.

  1. budvap

    budvap Fapstronaut

    During these two weeks on NoFap I realized many of bad consequences constant PMOing has had on my life during last almost two decades. But by far the worst was the one I just want to share with you now here.

    All my friends, close family and however knows me would (and generally do) see my life as joyful and successful. Living in a happy marriage for 16 years with loving wife. Many told us we have exceptionally strong relationship. We also enjoyed number of beautiful holidays, visiting wonderful places on this planet or simply wandering hand by hand in nearby countryside or charming cities and villages. My income is high enough for easy-going everyday life (you would not call me “Mr. Rich” but that’s not my goal anyway) and I am doing a job that satisfies my professional ambitions. I used to travel for business several times a year, which allowed me to visit number of famous cities all around the world and I always spent some extra time to do some sightseeing, too.

    But how different my subjective reality was! I was all the time completely obsessed with porn and sex. Most of the time on our holidays I was only thinking about whether or not we would have sex with my wife and how sexy (in the rough sense of that word) she looked or behaved. PMOing and binging took a lot of my every-day time and energy so I was either stressed with the work I did not manage or felt drained. I made myself a workaholic showing even less time for my beloved one, although the amount of work would be manageable under “normal” conditions. Or if it wouldn`t I would had been able to notice it and solve it. When taking a walk, I was mostly spying young girls or couples trying to “steal” some of their intimacy and privacy. When on a business trip, I was restlessly waiting till I could open my laptop in my hotel room in the night…

    As I see it now, I was basically (PM)Oing only and all the time in between was like “I have to survive till next dose.” Is not that what one would call “the addiction”?! PMOing brainwashed me with that dopamine or what-the-hell-it-is biochemical circle.

    THIS is the full truth! During the last twenty years, all the blessing things the life (God, should you wish) had prepared for me, I haven’t been mentally there. It left only very vague emotional footprint in me, which is like I never really lived that life. It has been lost forever and this is the biggest price for that all. Much bigger than I could ever imagine.

    One may ask whether PMOing brainwashed me with sex, or it is my sex obsession that actually drove me to excessive PMOing. Well, all you can read above I would never acknowledge or even realize hadn’t I quit that ungodly habit two weeks ago. So it all looks like PMOing really did poisoned my mind with all these sex obsessions.

    Don’t know why I am writing it here, but where else… Perhaps as an inspiration for some who will read as to what we lose with PMO and what we can (and yes, we must!) gain back…

  2. Astro77

    Astro77 Fapstronaut

    You make a good point about how deceptive porn can be. You can spot the drug addict or the drink addict but not the people who masturbate there life away to porn.
    I am glad you are transferring your energy from porn into real life, and I wish you all the best in the future.
    Good luck!

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