How porn ruined my life, I need help...

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Chasedarec1, Jan 4, 2020.

  1. Chasedarec1

    Chasedarec1 Fapstronaut

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    I don’t remember how it started exactly but I was addicted to femdom for years like mixed wrestling, every time I masturbated it was to these videos. Eventually sophomore year of hs I got into foot fetishism as well. A few days before I was about to go to college this past August I realized this wasn’t me and if I didn’t make a change right then, I never would. So this August I made the decision to not feed into my fetishes anymore, which I did. I still masturbated maybe like once a week or two usually to pictures of girls I know or to normal porn but the problem that I have is difficulty getting erect just to masturbate it’s usually not completely hard, one of the things I was worried about was not being able to get hard enough to have sex, It was only a matter of time until it happened. I started talking to this girl pretty soon after I got to college, it was going great I thought she was gorgeous eventually she kept telling me she wanted to have sex. I wasn’t ready, and this was a month or so after I gave up my fetishes so I didn’t think I was gonna get hard so I just made up excuses, eventually she had sex with some guy so I decided to leave her. I started talking to this new girl, she was also attractive. One night almost at the end of 3 months she invited me over to her room so I got in her bed. her roommate was there sleeping next to us. We started making out and she began sucking my dick. Nothing. I didn’t get hard at all I thought maybe it was because her roommate was there so I didn’t think too much of it but I was still disappointed. A week later the same thing happened and I didn’t get an erection again, something slight and then nothing. Shit happened and I went back to the first girl I was talking to, one night with her roommates in the room she was horny and wanted to have sex I was pretty drunk so I fingered her, I still feel like I should’ve gotten hard cause this is now over 90 days since I’ve quit my fetishes. The other night I was fingering her again cause we were at someones house, she touched my dick and felt that I wasn’t hard. She said, “Sometimes I still think you aren’t attracted to me.” This hurt because I am attracted to her, I really do like her, I want to have sex with her. Sometimes if Im laying with her I’ll get a small erection but it’s not somewhat or completely solid. I’ve lost a lot of hope I don’t know what to do. I’ve considered taking Ed pills, my libido also seems low i don’t have a heavy drive to want sex, I want to be happy for myself. I want be happy with her. I just want to have sex. I’m just an 18 year old kid who wants to be normal.
     
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  2. Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut

    You need to give up porn and masturbation.
     
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  3. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    If the femdom is still a problem for you please see a thread in my profile.
     
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  4. Chasedarec1

    Chasedarec1 Fapstronaut

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    It’s not a problem anymore I don’t watch that shit I just masturbate to pics or porn
     
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  5. Chasedarec1

    Chasedarec1 Fapstronaut

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    How long is that going to take
     
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  6. aerokus

    aerokus Fapstronaut

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    First of all, it's possible that this is normal "performance anxiety" or you have a low sex drive or something like that, but considering you're here on this forum and some of what you've said I'm going to assume that this is PIED we're dealing with.

    Okay so I was 17 when I learned I had Death Grip, I developed PIED (Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction) a few years later which is what you have.
    It took me 3 years to start quitting, you're only 18 and the best thing you can do is to quit right fucking now. Do yourself a favour. You've already gotten to this forum, so you've made it halfway.

    How long will it take you? This is the answer people always get, and I know it sucks not to hear a concrete one, but it can range wildly between different people, anywhere from 2 weeks to almost a year. Luckily for you, since you are so young and it doesn't sound like things have gotten too out of control yet, you should be able to fix it quite quickly.
    In the meantime, ED pills are not a bad option. I know guys without any kind of porn addiction who take ED Pills because it lets you go for hours. If that is what will save your relationship with this girl, I think that it's a worthy option, though I know some people on here may disagree with that (even the famous V brand of pills is a banned word).
     
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  7. Chasedarec1

    Chasedarec1 Fapstronaut

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    I think I can recover somewhat quickly too since I’ve only watched porn 2-3 times within the past 5 months, I get morning wood pretty often if not daily now. When before I wasn’t getting morning wood at all, and recently I got a few pretty hard erections and I had one this morning that lasted almost 30 mins although it wasn’t completely hard, will having sex mess up the reboot process for me? Will it make the reboot progress faster? I heard having a partner while rebooting is beneficial so I also have that too I guess.
     
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  8. Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut

    Are you masturbating? If so, stop that. Be very mindful of your thoughts. If you find your mind wandering to other women, shut it off. As to weather to be in relationship or not it depends. I had extremely unreasonable expectations for my wife because of my porn use. It can be difficult to have a normal relationship if you are still in that mode. If you can spend time with her and not think about sex, that is a positive sign. Save everything for her and be patient.
     
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  9. Chasedarec1

    Chasedarec1 Fapstronaut

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    I don’t masturbate often it’s not a problem I can stop which I’m going to do from now on, how is me spending time with her not thinking about having sex a good thing? I do want to save everything for her she wants to take my virginity but I don’t think she wants to wait that long so what scares me is I might lose her which is sad but, I put myself in this situation. I f*cked myself. Now my dick don’t work, ugh f*ck I would give up everything I have if I could go back in time and never started watching porn or masturbating... :// life’s unfair
     
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  10. Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut

    You are still very young. Be patient. I just want you to be in control of your thoughts. Like it was said previously, you may be worrying too much about it and causing stress, which is making it difficult. If you have never had sex before being nervous is normal. You don’t have to rush into sex. Stop worrying and just relax and if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen. Stop all porn and masturbation and if your mind wonders into fantasies try and get that under control. Fantasizing about past porn is setting unrealistic expectations. You need to re-train to be turned on by your woman. If you get a handle on this now, you will be ok. You will be a success story encouraging other young people not to go down the same road you did. I hope this helps.
     
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  11. Chasedarec1

    Chasedarec1 Fapstronaut

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    It does stress me out I’ve cried over this many times. Obviously I am pretty nervous to have sex for the first time cause she’s not a virgin, I’ve wanted to lose my virginity for awhile now and if this wasn’t holding me back then I probably wouldn’t be one. I don’t think or fantasize about my past fetishes, really now I only fantasize about having sex with her but idk if that’s hurting me or not? Thanks for the help
     
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  12. Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut

    You might want to consider just unplugging for about a month and re-evaluate. Don’t force the issue just to do it. You will have plenty of other opportunities. Sometimes things happen for a reason.
     
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  13. Chasedarec1

    Chasedarec1 Fapstronaut

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    What do you mean by unplug and re-evaluate?
     
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  14. Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut

    I mean stop trying to have sex for a while. You can keep dating just no sex. Give yourself time. If later you are making out with someone and are rock hard, then you have made progress. Or if just thinking about it with the girl you’re dating gets you rock hard, you have made progress. No porn, no Masturbation no P-subs.
     
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  15. GonTheHunter

    GonTheHunter Fapstronaut

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    It's hard to leave P-subs: Video Games, Movies, Series, Novels, Social media. Almost everything is a P-sub on actual days.
     
  16. GonTheHunter

    GonTheHunter Fapstronaut

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    Hope you can solve this big problem of erection, if taking ED Pills can solve your problem I think it's not a bad option, but I recommend go to a doctor first, I don't know nothing about medicine so I would do this.
     
  17. Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut

    There is another wrinkle, your mind was trained on femdom. It takes time to re-wire to normal stimuli.
     
  18. Chasedarec1

    Chasedarec1 Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the advice and support guys it really means a lot, now to take action, I know I can get past this and live the normal healthy life I have always wanted to. It’s just a matter of patience and time which frustrates me a lot and makes me upset and I do think about this every day but I know it’s fixable and I know I can get past this. Now my other concern is how do I know I’m ready to try? I’ve attempted sex multiple times before only to fail and I really don’t need it happening again.
     
  19. Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut

    Don’t think about it everyday. Try to forget about it. Focus on your job or school. Exercise and take care yourself. You will know because you will get hard while just making out with a girl with clothes on. Then you will know. I hear a lot of guys say that mourning wood is a good sign. Relax and don’t let it get you down. You are going to get through this.
     

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