How pure can our thoughts become?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Deleted Account, Aug 2, 2017.

  1. So, I have encountered this theory that if a person in serious relationship practices purity (no M, no P or P-subs, etc.) for a long time (maybe years?) then they build automatic or almost automatic defenses against being aroused by things other than their SO. Basically, that the brain would eventually build a sort of a filter, automatically or almost automatically blocking out the effect of sexy images, sexy women/men passing by, etc. Has anybody experienced anything like that? Does nofap make the thoughts purer on the long run?
     
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  2. Well I can definitely tell you that porn makes your thoughts dirtier. After relapsing, these images are stuck in my head for the next few days. But I don´t know if this works in reverse, although I strongly believe so.
     
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  3. Thank you, Jolie! That's really great and very inspiring.
     
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  4. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    This is all over the last three months... Started about a week after his one year mark.
    He hasn't ogled since about three weeks after the year mark either. Or noticed women... Or gawked at TV shows.
    I still get anxious about it all because I feel like it's foreign territory.
    He does seem to be doing just fine.
    No brain fog, plenty of eye contact... Conversation and everything.
    He is present and not in his head or on his phone at all. Has ideas and is just generally not whipping around for every stray or when I talk isn't hm-mmming me because he's daydreaming.
    I don't know if he could answer your question better, but as a SO, that's what I see.
    Hope it helps.
     
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  5. chucky0983

    chucky0983 Fapstronaut

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    I'm trying to work on pure thoughts. It's difficult. Disneyland is a place I frequent 1 to 2 times a week. It's a good place forget about things and a good place to just people watch. Often times than not there are woman young and old that will be in something probably not so appropriate for Disneyland. I'm only 30 days in and I will say my thoughts are PG to PG-13. I may point it our to my wife or she may point it out to me. Then I try to run my mind elsewhere. It's very difficult though. I'm trying not to create porn in my mind to the best of my ability. I'm trying to acknowledge that it's just a person. Only thing that scares me is will I reach a point where I include my wife in the pure thoughts. Will she become null and void in this whole process. I'm only 30 days in. We'll see where my mind goes and where my libido goes at that. I've only known having an addicted mind and addicted libido.
     
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  6. AT91

    AT91 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it's really true that you can have 100% "pure" thoughts, or that you really need to anyway. Most people look at others and find them attractive, in fact my gf never watched porn and she does it all the time and jokes about it. The important part there is just that you don't act on it. And for me, I can look at other women and find them attractive but even though I watched porn a lot I couldn't imagine actually having sex with another woman in reality as it would feel so wrong for me to do so with anyone but my gf. But I think trying not to find other people sexually attractive at all is just going a bit over the top.
     
  7. jfromcr

    jfromcr Fapstronaut

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    After 7 YEARS of no porn, your brain does not build any kind of filter. However, like @Jolie's guy, you can start choosing better things to look at because you see the traps for what they are. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you will become immune to porn or sexy images somehow. I still turn away from certain TV scenes and avoid areas I know will have a lot of traps.
     
  8. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    This.
     
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  9. True-Self

    True-Self Fapstronaut

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    FYI. George Collins discusses this idea in his book "Breaking the Cycle". Through conscious effort you are able to let go of "P vision" (like constantly visually scanning for attractive women or looking for "money shots" [like a woman bending over- so you can see stuff]). As @jfromcr and @Jolie have stated this won't happen just by giving up P. It is necessary to actively encourage this through actions that you take (like looking away from triggering situations).

    I haven't been able to master this yet myself, but hopefully eventually will.
     
  10. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    Sorry if you have it posted elsewhere, do you have any resource for this or examples? Really helpful.
     
  11. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    Yes! Sorry if it's more work for you.
     
  12. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    It's really not... @SOSo
    I post it all over NoFap.
    PAs love it. SOs love it.
    They say it's very helpful if they use it.
     
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  13. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much <3.
     
  14. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Your welcome
     
  15. Ogling had never been a problem for me... before I started NoFap.

    So I guess the thing that stood between me and ogling was the obligatory morning masturbation...
     
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  16. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    No, you will have to practice some form of ritual for life. Think of it as warding of a demon.
     
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  17. Maybe the correlation is not that people with SOs with strong personalities are more likely to get into P, but that people with SOs with strong personalities are more likely to try hard to quit and end up here. An SO with strong personality is more likely to be strongly against P and M, convinced that they can be quit, and strong enough to live alone if they are not.


    Oooops posted this in the wrong thread...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 23, 2017
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  18. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    (-,-) interesting
     
  19. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

  20. Thank you for directing me to this thread. I have only recently (a couple of days) came back fully to NoFAP. I was too enmeshed in my trauma/depression. The meds and EMDR sessions are helping some :)
     
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