How should I set my priorities to get out of my misery?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Sakazuki27, May 5, 2019.

  1. Sakazuki27

    Sakazuki27 Fapstronaut

    I always struggled with self-discipline and kinda survived on short streaks of motivation and outside circumstances. But I want to develop more discipline and organize myself better. I feel burned out eventhough I didn't do that much for my studies. I feel emotionally burned out but I think this is part of the process. I expect too much from me and can't live up to these expectations. Please give me advice on what my priorities should be. Here's my situation:

    - I'm behind in my studies but can't study properly. No motivation and I don't understand a lot of the topics
    - I don't plan my day. I wake up sleepy and unmotivated, sometimes I sleep too long and browse my phone. And then waste more time browsing the internet. I kinda dodge my responsibilities.
    - I try to eat healthy, so no junk food or soda. İ go to the gym at least once and jog twice a week.
    - Socially I'm anxious af. I don't think people recognize this and judge me nearly as I do. I don't like talking to people because I have nothing to talk about.
    - I can't talk to girls properly anymore and get anxious around them. Low confidence. And I get horny around them which makes it even harder to have a normal conversation. So I avoid contact because I don't wanna come of as a creep. I don't want to be this horny and just have normal talks. I want to stop seeing them as objects appreciate them more.
    - A big problem of mine is I struggle holding friendships. I tend to withdraw often and can't really evaluate how strong the friendship is. They do most of the work which makes me feel bad.
    - I tend to withdraw from my family. They love and support me but I behave distant. I don't know why but I'm stuck in the paradigm that I can't trust them. It sucks because emotionally I really don't feel well in their company. I was always like this and want to change that.
    - I suck at conflict management. After conflict if the other person doesn't make the first move I'm resentful af. I lose interest in establishing a healthy level in the relationship again.
    - And generally I feel lonely af, a sincere hug would feel so good right now.

    I thought about structuring my day more but no idea how to do so. And how should I adress the social/family issues? I feel overwhelmed by everything I want to improve. This and the withdrawal symptoms. I want to approach with a plan and not get burned out by changing all at once.
    CH3RRY likes this.
  2. Cornixico

    Cornixico Fapstronaut

    I’ll start by saying a lot of what you said rings true with me also. So you are not the only one who struggles to get stuff done. Also I totally know what you mean about the social anxiety issues. Especially with girls. I feel like I could have asked this question too.

    Anyway some things that help me are:

    1. Keep your phone away from your Bed, charge it overnight outside the bedroom. If you use your phone as an alarm invest in a alarm clock.

    2.Make a list of things you want to achieve the night before.

    3. If you have to (believe me I have to do this sometimes). Delete or block apps on your phone that cause you to procrastinate.

    4. Take it a step at a time. Instead of thinking I have to study for an hour. Just say to yourself that you will study for 5 minutes only and if after the 5 minutes you want to carry on then carry on. This can be applied to almost any task. Eg want to tidy your room start by just making your bed, and then move onto picking up any rubbish etc.
    It’s all about splitting tasks into bite size chunks.

    5. Get the blood pumping to wake yourself up whenever the energy starts lagging. Dance in the privacy of your own room. Do 20 jumping jacks. Etc

    6. In conversations become a good listener and ask open questions.Most people love to talk about themselves, let them.

    7. Meditation really helps me, so do it if you don’t already. A lot of people recommend the app headspace, which has a really good free meditation program for beginners. Nowadays I use the app calm which I really like too.

    Okay so that’s all I’ve got! I do these things as much as I can but I do have my low moments where I sit around on my phone putting stuff off. But when I start getting frustrated and antsy that is usually the time I push myself to be active. Cold showers work well in this sense. Anyway good luck and remember attitude is the first step.
    Sakazuki27 and CH3RRY like this.
  3. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

    Hey Mr Sakazuki, we meet once again. I can relate to pretty much all of these problems. Just today after waking up I remembered how I used to be before. I was so lonely, so anxious and so depressed. My head wasn't working right, I couldn't even control a single thought. I would be laying in bed without having any motivation to get up. It was so overwhelming, such an unnatural feeling of despair when you feel like you have nothing. Nothing to look forward to in a day, absolutely nothing. No meaning or purpose, no other human being to share anything with.

    You see, I was also distant with my family and still am to an extent. I have never in my life said "I love you" to any family member. Though that's often the case here in my country, and it doesn't mean anything bad. My living was also being hindered by all my physical problems, which would also affect mental and social aspects of my life. All in all, all the issues I had were connected to each other.

    Thinking about my past brings out some negative feelings. I have changed so much, it's like my old life was never there. I don't easily remember all my bad days, and I even often forget where it all started from originally. That's enough about me, let's see about your situation.

    You not planning your day is the very first problem you gotta tackle. Every night when you go to bed late, you have already destroyed your tomorrow. You will wake up late, probably tired without motivation to even get up. On top of that, since you haven't planned anything out, you don't really have a reason to get up. You know you need to study, but if you haven't planned how you're gonna do it, it's not realistically in your head.

    So you need a plan, a routine and a schedule. Find out what time you want to get up from bed. Based on this, think about how many hours of sleep you need. Now you can plan what time you should go to bed at. It's important to guarantee you get quality sleep as well. Do something relaxing before you go to bed. And no using phone in the bed at all, it's where you sleep. When you wake up (without an alarm), you should be refreshed and rested. If not, something is wrong. Find out what is possibly wrong. Having rested enough, you can get up easily. What ever happens after you get up from bed, is determined by your planned out routine. An example would be that you make your bed and lift up your curtains. Then you go to the bathroom. Then you drink A LOT of water. Very important. Then you can maybe do some stretching, make breakfast, meditate, take a cold shower etc. Morning time is crucial for your the success of your whole day.

    The foundation is that you plan what you are gonna do. If you don't have a plan, how can you even function? It's like you're living in chaos, not having anywhere to go which results in you wasting your time on useless activities.

    When you're making your plan, make sure to think about all your problems you want to fix. All your physical, mental and social issues. Think about how you are going to fix them, what do you have to do? Put your answers into your plan. If you have a lot of time on your hands, dedicate all that time into improving yourself. But also start being more active with your close people. With me, what happened is that after starting to improve myself, I changed so much that I felt more distant from some family members and relatives. I changed for the better of course, but you can imagine how weird it can be when a relative you haven't seen in a while is used to your old self but now sees a completely different person. It's like they don't even know you anymore. You can become unfathomably great by yourself but make sure your relationships don't suffer.
    Cornixico and Sakazuki27 like this.
  4. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

  5. Sakazuki27

    Sakazuki27 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advice both of you guys. I like your approach on how to plan the day, I already use google calendar for my college and work schedule. Could expand that. Yes I also changed a lot in the past and it was weird sometimes when I engaged with family. As if I forgot my role and was kinda confused how to behave. I will use your advice, thank you!
    CH3RRY likes this.

Share This Page