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Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by wakingthelionsinme, May 28, 2018.
Thats very honest. I wouldnt beat yourself up too bad. Weve all seen and done things we cant unsee or undo, but youre here and you have a good streak going, so heres to the future. Also, the part of you that regrets it and is sickened by it is the real you, the rest is just the addkcted brain taking control.
Bdsm was my worst thing. I watched all kinds of videos of women being tied up and degraded and it sickens me in retrospect. Its weird how twisted our porn fantasies can be. I would never in a million years treat a real women that way or even have the desire too, i just couldnt. But ill spend hours getting off to it on a computer screen. This whole thing is crazy. Thank God for nofap.
Yeah, i can relate to that.
An addiction to rape scenes IS a porn addiction. It's just that it's very focused right now. Don't kid yourself. Treat it as an addiction and get it under control.
Most of us who have been attracted to rape videos didn't start anywhere near them. We just floated. You'll float to!
I would say that for me, rape videos were the darkest place I ever ended up. I do distinguish however that the videos had to be staged (actors). I've come across a few videos that I'm pretty sure were real and I got a real sick feeling about those and chose to not watch them.
So what a wonderful line I drew for myself, huh? Fake rape was okay. Real stuff was not.
The thing that sucks is when you're so far deep into porn you end up viewing everything under the sun unfortunately. I've seen things you wouldn't believe and are nasty, and like PTSD those stick with you for life.
I'm glad when folks get help before their tastes escalate, I only wish I did the same years ago.
Prison and medical porn
Yeah, luckily i never strayed too far. I mean ive watched some bad stuff and i hate myself for it, but i never weny as far as some others ive heard of (thankfully). Hopefully we all find freedom in the end (fingers crossed)
You wouldn't believe where I've been or seen, but I'm honestly greatful you haven't and are more innocent in that way.
BDSM isn’t that bad inside a healthy relationship.
I started watching soft core porn @ age. 11-12 then stopped watching porn. Then an old co-worker when I was 16-17 showed me a scat video as a joke at work and it’s been down hill from there. So...
Then I sought out people that were into the scat etc and then I chatted with them. Though I never actually engaged in the activities the Desire was 100% there. I just knew that if I actually engaged in it then I would be hooked and wouldn’t be able to stop. Then came this is kinda doing it for me but not as much as I want it to so then
10. Incest porn
11. Family incest
Like as I’m typing this the urge is so strong to go and click on the next tap and start clicking away.
14. Animal stuff (short lived)
16. Forced deep throat
What made realize I had a problem was that I could never be intimate with a man (female btw). I would actually become slightly sick when I would try. At first I thought it was because I might be gay but I realized I’ve have condition my brain to only get off to this porn. I can be horny af and not be able to mastuerbate. Pop porn in front of me and I can get off easily.
What have done to myself.
You just showed me that I’m not alone. That there is someone else that experienced what I experienced. I created an account to thank you.
What you described, the things I’ve seen ... when I was just a child myself. They’ve haunted me ever since. It made me question what kind of person I was, what kind of person I would be. I wrote myself off as a terrible person before my life had even really begun.
What you’re all doing here, drawing attention to the dangerous and irreversible effects of progressively horrendous and heinous forms of pornography, is so important. People just don’t really know the truth.
Trigger warnings, of course. Don't open if you think you might relapse after discovering some new genre of mine, I'd hate to be responsible for that.
Spoiler: Trigger Warning
Surprisingly, my tastes hadn't changed too much in the last 15 or so years. I got a little more tolerant of furry porn in special circumstances, and the fantasy of acquiring a woman's body (but still being attracted to the female form), neither of which I'm particularly ashamed of. I also developed a slight foot fetish, in that I enjoy them but it hasn't surpassed my desire for the actual sexual parts of a woman's body. I went through a horror phase once and sought out amateur fiction of girls that were sexy and psychotic at the same time, but that didn't last too long. Other than that, it's been the same ol' genres: size-changing fantasies, anime pin-ups, and the occasional soft lesbian porn, for as long as I began.
Yeah, when I quit, it wasn't because of what I was watching, but because it was the first time I had ever heard that it could be affecting my sexual performance. I figured a PMO session maybe killed my drive for 24 hours or so, but it never occured to me that it could be slowly doing psychological damage that requires months to recover from, or else I would have quit a long time ago.
Spoiler: Trigger Warning
While we're on the subject, there's one kind of P that I wanted to crazy for when I first saw it, but purposefully abstained from it. It's any kind of 1st person where a girl will pretend to be your girlfriend, tell you she loves you, etc. I looove that, it's so comforting, it fits perfectly with how I fantasize but... I have a girlfriend, she's the only one who gets to act that way with me. I do a pretty good job of separating fantasy from my daily life, but there's no way my brain wouldn't get totally confused after countless videos of pretend girlfriends. Even if I didn't gave a girlfriend, it would... bringing such an emotion into P would have... it might just make me long for companionship in the most unhealthy way, I might have even spiraled into despair with confusing feelings. I'm glad I was smart enough to dodge that bullet.
(For clarity's sake, its obviously not that I would love this conplete stranger back, its just that idea of someone having feelings for me multiplies the thrill of sexual encounters)
Of course, I'm saying all this now, and I'm realizing that all of these reasons that I stayed away from this topic of porn should have been reasons to give up porn in general. I feel kinda stupid now