How to act normal around men?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Yamper, Nov 21, 2021.

  1. Yamper

    Yamper Fapstronaut

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    I'm lonely. I really am. I'm very chronically online. I used to take a guilty pleasure in going in voice chats because it was the one time I would be able to listen to male voices.

    I have a hard time talking to people in real life. I'm always paranoid I'll come off as annoying. Recently there was a guy I talked to during volunteering. He seemed really friendly and we enjoyed talking to each other and I knew a little about him. We exchanged numbers and he even offered to drive me home. I texted him but he didn't seem to responsive in his texts. I don't know if it's because he got busy or if he just lost interest.

    He's very cute. Unfortunately I don't know a lot about him or if he even has a partner. I kinda wanna meet up again with him but I don't know how I'd do it. How do I not come off as a weirdo?
     
  2. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Hi, Welcome!

    I m in the same problem as you are, except i am a man, i m always paranoid when i m around girls that i will do something that i will look weird. (if you have some advice for me, is more than welcomed)

    Now, if he is not very responsive or vague in his texts is possible that he has a partner, men usually do that when they are trying not to offend/upset someone, is a way of telling that he is not interested. Or just is very likely that he is busy. Try and give it some time and then try again.
    Usually men don t consider girls weirdos, is more likely for a girl to consider a man weird. Just try to be YOU!
     
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  3. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    How do you do in professional situations or in interviews? Do you have the same anxiety or paranoia as you do with peers? How are you when talking to people much older or younger than you as well?
     
  4. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    Don't overthink it.
     
  5. Yamper

    Yamper Fapstronaut

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    In interviews I usually get anxiety but I put a facade of confidence. I don't like doing that with normal everyday people because I feel as if it would look dishonest. I don't really talk to a lot of people much younger than me but I act a little less anxious around older people.
     
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  6. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Idk why but a lot of my anxiety goes away in professional situations like interviews or talking with people outside my "peer" group, like parents of people my age. It's usually much more formal types of talking.

    If I see myself avoiding conversation or being too quiet with peers, I convince myself that it's my job to meet people and socialize (like an interview), so I kinda have to talk to people. It doesn't matter if I'm nervous because I have a job to do. It may feel fake and forced but other people won't see it that way; people either won't pick up on the awkwardness and just treat it normally, and people who sense the awkward silence will be relieved that you're starting conversation. Try to think of the last time someone tried to force a conversation with you; there probably isn't many haha.

    It may seem a little psychotic, but treating social situations, especially new people you don't know, as a business where you are required to talk to people because it's your job tricks the part of your brain that makes you feel anxious into chilling out for a while. Once you do it a couple times you can just be your normal self because the anxiety goes away. Try to extract information from people. If I'm at a party and my friend like goes to bathroom and my anxiety starts freaking out, I literally just go around and start asking people questions. I start off with something genuine and appropriate (How do you know the host, What's this activity you're doing, What's your costume, Do you need help with that). It sometimes feels so awkward and cringey but asking questions pretty much never comes off as weird, especially since you're a young lady. Like if a random girl came up to me at a party and started asking questions about what I was doing or who I was, I would think she is so alpha and not awko at all; the weirder the questions the better and the more I'd like her.

    And ik this guy may seem cute, but you're just getting attached because you have so few interactions with other guys. I'm sure he's nice, but there's probably millions of other guys like him. Make efforts to see more people irl and put yourself in situations to talk to men more, and eventually you won't get infatuated as quickly. This is a huge problem for guys as well; we have one positive interaction with a girl and think about it for months lmao.

    But yeah questions questions questions. Follow up their answers with more questions, and insert relevant things about yourself when applicable. And if you have repeat interactions, ask them about things they told you about last time. Work on developing social skills and some sort of friend network before trying to date or get romantic. Ik you're lonely, but you need friends before you need a boyfriend.
     
  7. Oliver Gunter

    Oliver Gunter Fapstronaut

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    Just text him if he wants to volunteer again with you. Nothing weird about that. You will find out in person if there is romance potential.
     
  8. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    There's a good saying; 'there's no growth in the comfort zone, and no comfort in the growth zone.'

    In other words, the more you get out there and talk to guys, the less of a deal it will be.

    I can't give too much specific advice, but I have found both guys and girls get a lot out of activities like volunteering as you mentioned! But also more interactive things like casual sports classes and especially dance classes. It really is a thing that just takes practice and will eventually build momentum.

    Regarding this one guy, you can reach out to him with a witty text. Just some joke or question about what you've already talked about. If it starts a conversation, great. If not, maybe time to move on.

    You want to find someone who doesn't need too much prompting to want to interact with you though. There's got to be that spark on both sides!

    One last bit of advice, most of us guys are pretty bad at taking a hint that a girl is interested... I know a lot of this happens subconsciously, but if you want to make it clear you're into someone - a few extra fair flicks, compliments, personal questions, can often make a guy wake up lol!
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2021
  9. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You need to figure this out first before trying to date a person. Dating because you are feeling lonely is not a good reason to date. A good reason to date is to go and share your fun happy life to another person, not to share your lonelyness to him and make him heal that problem for you.
    Only guy will put up with that if you put up with their crap.. the only way you can find a good man if you are a good girl with her shot together.

    That's a good sign.

    Dating is a game of tenis, you hit ball over the net and you wait for the other person to hit it back. If the other person don't hit it back then you left the court and go to play with another person.

    It can be those things, it can be something else. It really doesn't matter, the idea is to date a guy that is happy to see you, that will make time to see you or chat a little bit to you. If he is not doing it, then he is probably not that into you and dating a guy like that is a waist of time, only date poeple that are happy to spend time with you.

    If he is interested in you, he is going to ask you out. if you already chat with him that's your job perfectly done, you put yourselve in his orbits in hopes he ask you out so you can see each other again. His job as a man is to ask you out if he is interested, he didn't do that yet.

    What to do?
    Exchange a few messages and see what happens, if he don't do anything then you can ask him out if you can handle it. Pay attention to his response, you want a man that says hell yes to going out on date with you. If he just say a dry yes, or maybe, or maybe next month.. or I will think about it, then you efinitevely need to leave him behind.
     
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  10. Yamper

    Yamper Fapstronaut

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    I don't expect him to heal me or anything. I do want to have a fun happy life with someone. And I want children.
    He's responding to me but very slowly. I think he's been mostly busy with his own life. We agreed to meet up again after Thanksgiving.
     
    Krishna Das likes this.
  11. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You need to do that on your own. Live a fun happy life with your friends, family, coworkers. Have fun with your hobbies, have passions, makes interesting trips or stuff in general.. all of that is going to make you live a happy fun life.

    Once you are living a fun happy life, you are going to become more attractive for man to share their life with you. Man love to date hot woman, but also want to date a happy woman with her shit together that don't bring drama to his life. At this point in your life you are definitevely not happy and having fun according to your worlds. You are only going to attract unhappy man.
    you are basically waiting for a guy to fix the fact that you are lonely and your life is not happy or fun.

    That is going to come with time. If you date rigth now, you are going to get a guy that is also not happy like you. Two wrongs don't make one rigth. Having a child is a really important decision, choose really wisely whom you want to have him with.

    It can be lack of interest or lack of time. What is important... is he putting effort in the messages or he is just responding? I ask the question because the idea is to date a guy that is really into you and is putting the effort to go out with you, and not with a guy that is bearly in the fence on going out with you or not.

    Today is thanksgiving (i'm not in the USA), do you have a definitive date for this weekend with him or you leave it in the air? Remember, when a person really want to see you, they will set definitive date because they want to make sure they are going to see you this weekend, if not then is probable they are not that into you and they are leaving you in last place and see you if they don't have nothing else to do.
    Always date people that putt the effort and set date in advance, don't be her plan D for the weekend after his plans A,B,C failed.
     
  12. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    No, you can't directly fix what you think is stopping you from living a fullfilled life, you should be happy without it.

    Are you telling poor people to be comfortable with their poverty before making money?

    Also:

    >I don't expect him to heal me or anything.

    >you are basically waiting for a guy to fix the fact that you are lonely and your life is not happy or fun.

    I don't want him to heal me.

    Yes, you do!
     
  13. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    You most likely won’t come off as annoying. It would take a lot for me to think a girl is annoying, especially if I was attracted to her. Guys usually don’t think girls are annoying. Your paranoia is not grounded in the true facts. It’s interesting to see that girls think this way though sometimes. You girls are unaware of some of your advantages in this world it seems like sometimes
     
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  14. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You can work to stop been poor. You can work to get over an addiction. You can work to get over most things you don't like about your life.
    If you do that your life is going to be lot more happier and fullfilled.
    Findling love is something that is out of your control, it depends on another person so it can happen to you or not.
    That said.. you can work again to live a happy and fullfilled life and as a complement, because you are living a life worth sharing is most likely that more people of the other sex are going to be attracted to you than when you were living a crappy life. That will give you more chances of finding love, and maybe a family in the future.

    That's the idea. Do what ever you can to be happy, turn around everything you don't like about it with work, everything that is in your control. And that is going to give you more chances of getting lucky in the things you can't control.
     
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  15. Yamper

    Yamper Fapstronaut

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    i already do that and i'm still lonely.
    i'm okay dating an unhappy man.

    yes but i'm not sure how else i'm supposed to fix my loneliness.

    normally i'd say "okay, i'll forget it then." but i don't know enough about him yet. he canceled the plans to meet up with me due to being sick, but i texted to see if he wanted to meet up again. i'm not giving up because i've gotten some delayed responses.
     
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  16. Yamper

    Yamper Fapstronaut

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    i've had guys say i was annoying. however, this is when i was much heavier and i've lost weight since then. my appearance might have an impact in that.
     
  17. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Maybe they were close to you and they can afford to say that, no one will tell you that you are annoying when you don t know each other.

    Is not an excuse to tell someone that he/she is annoying for being overweight.
    As @jcl1990 said above, it takes a lot for a girl to be annoying to a man. A girl has a lot of advantages for attracting a man, just try to be a normal girl.
     
  18. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    If you would you would know that you are not alone.

    Read that sentence once and again. That is what a person that is unhappy would said. A person that only feel happy is she is with another person, a person that need to be fixed by someone else.. I must tell you that nowone is going to fix you, moreover if they are unhappy people.

    A guy is not going to fix that. A crappy relationship is not going to fix that, there are a LOT lonely woman that are in relationships.

    Another sing of lack of interest. Did he requedule? a person that was really interested in going out with you, and that is really thick would resquedule because he really want to see and don't want to miss the chance of doing it. But.. if he is not that interested or he just wanted to avoid the date.. he will call out the date and make up and excuse to not do it and don't propose a resquedule.

    + cancelled date. People that are happy, living a fun life with self respect would never waist time with a guy that is not putting the effort like this guy is putting.

    You really sound not happy and desperate to be with a guy to fix all you problems.. lonelyness ect.
    Again a guy or a crappy relationship is not going to fix that.

    Get your shit together, love your life and everything in it to the point you can be happy alone, and from that place go and look for a guy to share your happines and probably this guy is going to share his happines with you.
     
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  19. Yamper

    Yamper Fapstronaut

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    we are meeting at a sushi restaurant friday.... will update later to see how it goes.
     
  20. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    just enjoy it, don't go there looking to fix your loneliness with this guy.. loneliness is a bad motivator to look for a relationshiop because you are going to put up with a lot of crap just to not be alone. That's how toxic relationship are born, from desperation and fear to be alone.
     
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