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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Phillips, Dec 26, 2017.
It’s true. Chad is just a term dudes who aren’t all that confident use when talking shit about people higher on the pecking order.
Again, funny when used in certain circumstances, but non-ironic use is pretty cringy.
No I totally agree don't be chad be yourself unapologetically
Being a jerk to women in order to attract them is the equivalent of pushing them down on the playground and running away to prove you like them.
Children do that because they're ashamed of their interest in them and are confused as to what they should be doing.
Adults who act likes jerks to attract women do that because that's the way they think they should act in order to be liked.
Adults who are jerks are just jerks expressing themselves in an authentic way and attracting those that resonate with them. Which is what everyone should be doing. Expressing yourself in an authentic way that is.
Why act like someone else in order to be liked for someone who you aren't? Why would you want to attract someone that isn't interested in who you really are? Out of desperation? Because of superficial reasons?
If you want to be edgy and polarizing like the bad boy label implies, then be more of who you are. Unappologetically and without shame. Most people try to fit in and are careful to not be disliked. So they end up neither loved or hated. Just liked for someone who they aren't. So to be edgy and polarizing means to express yourself authentically. Thus resonating with some and not resonating with others.
How in the world is it authentic if guys act in a deliberate, calculated way in order to get specific results? (i.e. women)? Authenticity is being yourself, and not putting on an act or changing who you are because society or internet forums tell you what to do.
Yes. You're talking about those who mimick jerks.
But you do know there's actually those that are considered jerks just because they're being themselves right? Not for the sake of attracting anyone.
Is Chad a more recent lingo term, its the first time I've heard it?
Jerks being jerks is one thing, but this entire thread is devoted to acting a certain specific way to attract women. The OP started this thread to ask how to do it, as in he wants to know how to change what he does in order to get what he wants. There's zero authenticity there.
This reminds me of lesson #13.
We're on the same page Jen.
I don't know if you read my post wrong or I worded it incorrectly, but we're on the same page lol.
Sounds good, yeah we probably got some crossed wires.
I only really heard that term here. That one guy with the pirate avatar picture keeps using it lol.
It basically means a stereotypical tall handsome confident guy that's good with women.
You need to change your inner beliefs!!!
Now you are nice guy because deep down you believed (you raised in that way) that if you are nice to your friends they will love you more, your girlfriend/spouse will love you more, everything is better when you are nice. So you sacrifice yourself and your needs just to be nice. Thinking if you would behave badly they would probably abandon you.
However this is not how it works in reality.
Being bad boy is not about doing bad things or treating other people badly, or doing something to manipulate or impress anybody. It is about realizing your own value, raising your own self-worth, realizing that you live your own fucking life, you dont need to listen (do) what your parents tell you how to live, what society tells you how you should be, you should know on your own what you want and go and get it. Once you realize that you can be authentic and there is absolutely no need to sacrifice yourself or your needs for anybody, no need to be nice or take the shit from anybody, .. then other people will feel your genuine high self-worth like aura around you and they will act accordingly. You shortly realize that you will create higher quality friends, you will have more fun in your life, your friends will have more fun with you, womens will be more interested in you, they will have better time with you, you will have the job you like and so on. Not only everybody will like/love you more but on top of that you can do whatever you want without any sacrificing and have happier life: pure win-win situation for everybody. Once you get this into your head than you can be authentic "bad boy". Eventually you will genuinely believe that being a bad boy is actually a good thing and being a nice guy is bad and pretty stupid thing.
I always imagined Chad to be like Tyler from RSD nation, that ugly fucker who takes massive action and gets results. Heh!
lol being a bad or nice are just words be yourself no need to put some edgy spin on it about being "bad"
I'm currently dating the nicest guy I've dated since my teens. He is amazing to me. Treats me super well. Is very considerate, respectful, CONSISTENT WITH HIS ATTENTION AND AFFECTION, doesn't play games or "hard to get". He is emotionally available and makes that super obvious to me (IMPORTANT!) It is the smoothest sailing I've experienced since my first boyfriend in my teens. He respects the fact that I am sexually abstinent and has been perfectly fine taking things slow and in my pace. He is the utmost gentleman, even though he is very sexually attracted to me. He let's me know that, but he doesn't try to push anything. Which means EVERYTHING to me and his respect of me is SUPER attractive to me. And yes, he is highly masculine. And yes, very confident. And yes, very objectively good looking (women can't keep their drooling selves away from him when we're out). And yes, I let him chase me (I used to be the chaser myself, but I've been told it's always better to let the men (think) they're the ones in control of the courtship). He knows what he wants and is very open and honest about it. He is basically everything I have been looking for, but been too afraid to allow myself to have.
For the past MANY years I have been attracted to "bad boys" aka "emotionally unavailable assholes" because it felt safe. I knew it would never work out between us, and there was a certain false sense of security in knowing it would fail. Then I believed I wouldn't be surprised when things went downhill, since I knew from the beginning that the "bad boy" was a doomed relation.
I've been sexually abstinent for 2 ½ years and during this period I have done A LOT OF INTENSIVE SELF WORK! Like, deep shit! Like figuring out why I was attracted to those people. That I have / had an anxious-avoidant attachment style. That I am terrified of abandonment and push people away if / when it gets too serious. I get super scared about the prospect of REAL emotional and romantic intimacy, even though that's what I crave the most in my relation with men. It all stems from having an absent parent as a child as well as being severely traumatized when my first real boyfriend and love broke up with me at age 17. That fucked me up for 10 years! Anyway, worked on all that and finally felt ready to get what I truly want and deserve. A NICE MATURE MAN with a secure attachment style, like the guy I am currently dating. It's still scary, but I'm working on my patterns and triggers.
My point is, I think this is why some people are attracted to bad boys / bad girls. Because they don't have a secure attachment style themselves and / or have some underlying issues they need to deal with. You accept the love you think you deserve, and I was terrified of abandonment and not being good enough, so I only accepted assholes who made my fears come true, because it was familiar to me and I knew how to deal with that (clearly I didn't).
So PLEASE! Do not become a bad boy. Stay a nice guy with emotional maturity and eventually you'll attract a girl who mirrors that.