How to be friends with a girl

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Sep 5, 2018.

  1. So basically I am 17 and have just went to my second day at my University.
    I haven't actually started classes yet because we are still doing orientation (basically frosh week) and I have just met this nice young lady, she is also first year like me, and I started talking to her today and asked for her number, which she gave to me. I REALLY want to be friends with her, nothing more than that. I don't want to date her, and I don't want to "hookup" or have any kind of sexual encounter.
    But she likes me, I can tell at least that much, so now I'm not sure how to be friends with her without leading her on.
    The problem is that because of PMO I have a hard time seeing women as people, rather just potential sexual objects, and I really want to be a good person to her and be friends, I don't want to take advantage of her.
    So do you guys have any advice for how I can accomplish this?
     
    Christian Fox likes this.
  2. Eleanor

    Eleanor Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    I think, as a girl, that you just have to take it easy and talk to her in a natural way, so you both are comfortable with each other. Male-female friendships are possible and a lot of learning and fun! As you reboot, it will be easier for you. What I've saw is that my male friends talk to me as if I was a boy hahaha, so for me it's fun. Talk to her as if she was your sister, share memes and funny things, talk about your classes and relax. Girls are human beings like you, not aliens :)
     
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    If she’s expressed an interest in you and you are not interested in more than friends then be upfront about that. Otherwise you can end up hurting her feelings.

    That being said I encourage you as an addict trying to recover to seep out women as solely friends because it will help you to see us as more than sex objects and not aliens lol a lot like you. Women can be most friends but it does not sound like you can be with this woman based on her feelings for you.

    I am not sure how far into recovery you are but if it’s early it could be that she is someone you want to date but due to your recovery are not quite ready to do it right now. This is very insightful of you.
     
  4. Eleanor

    Eleanor Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    Yeah, @GG2002 has a good point. If she likes you and you don't, you have to leave that in clear. If she really values you as human being then she might be ok with just be friends, that happened to me haha, I liked my best male friend and told him and he didn't felt the same but after a night crying I was fine. He's a friend that is worthy to have, no matter he's not my couple. The risk is that if she just wanted a boyfriend or nothing, you might lose that friend but well, in that case she wasn't worth it.
     
  5. Yeah thanks for the advice, I don't want to play mind games with her so I will be upfront about how the relationship should go. She's really great and I'm sure that she will be a good friend.
     
    Castielle and Eleanor like this.
  6. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    If you want to keep things strictly platonic then you've already screwed up. Asking for a girls phone number while you know she likes you is leading her on. If you have issues seeing women as people rather than sexual objects that I'm afraid its too early to try to develop a friendship with a female. I would try to at least do the 90 days streak then try to develop those friendships slowly. You need to make guy friends and have this girl only hang out with you guys in a group setting.

    I've been in your shoes, I would be very careful if i were you or someone will get hurt.
     
  7. TheManDude

    TheManDude Fapstronaut

    This is so true! Treating a girl like a male friend is fun and keep things friendly if you don't want anything with her.

    On the other hand, have you think that maybe you got the wrong idea and she doesn't like you as you think she does?
    Assuming things usually leads to misunderstandings so why not be friendly with her, if she likes you and tells you as much then you can turn her down and try to be friends.
     
  8. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. A guy asking a girl for a phone number communicates he's interested in her. If you're not attracted to her, then don't text her or lead her on, and prepare to friend zone her if she asks you out.
     
  9. Yeah so just to update everyone the relationship is going fine, nothing has happened besides normal friend stuff. I think the friendship is good, ill update if anything new happens but for now it's smooth.
     
    ApprenticeInWar and Castielle like this.
  10. OK so I was with her in class, and she put her head on my shoulder for a moment, is that a sign of friendship or something more?
     
  11. ApprenticeInWar

    ApprenticeInWar Fapstronaut

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    In my humble opinion, it depends on a couple of things...
    1 - You said 'for a moment', but for how long did she do it?
    2 - How did you react to it? (this is important, since your reaction determines whether she'll do this again or not)
    3 - Had she done something like this before?

    If this was the first time, watch out. But don't freak out. Keep your current attitude towards her.
    By the way, well done on your 30-day streak! :)
     
  12. 1. To be extremely specific, I was doing something funny, basically I was ripping paper out of my notebook and she was desperately trying not to laugh, and when she tries to suppress her laugh she usually puts her head down to hide her face. But instead she put her head on my shoulder.
    2. I didn't react to it at all, I just sat there normally, and I didn't say anything about it to her or anything like that.
    3. This is the first time she even touched me, she is sort of a germaphobe and she wouldn't even shake my friends hand when I introduced her to him. She's not the type of person to be hugging everyone like some girls do.
     
  13. ApprenticeInWar

    ApprenticeInWar Fapstronaut

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    Hey, man. I hope everything is alright! Well, I had a think about it, and here are my 2 cents on this.
    Although you might think that she's interested in you, this 'episode' doesn't mean much. When a girl likes you, she doesn't rely on subtleties like putting her head on your shoulder. Trust me, the relationship between men and women is possible indeed, but it's tricky because we usually think too much about it. We play the conversation in our heads and guess what she meant at one moment, for example. We end up overestimating things. Treat her as a friend, and I'm sure she'll treat you as one, too! =)

    As I said, this is my opinion. I understand how you feel (once I had a female friend that were always kind to me and sometimes acted like she was interested in me, but she was just too naive), and I believe that your friendship can work pretty well.
     

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