How to beat a relapse, little thoughts & feeding wolves

Came pretty close to porn today, no edging or anything. Basically I had to download some stuff & discovered the password for my porn blockers, when you know you can be cruising your favorite site in a matter of seconds, the urges get real intense, real fast.

Our brains are opportunists lying in wait for the perfect moment to strike, it wants us to relapse so it can get its dopamine fix. Today just happened to bring one such moment. I'd relapsed here several times in the past & would of again if not for one piece of crucial information.

I read a story one day prior about a Cherokee Indian & two wolves, it goes as follows:

"One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

"The One You Feed" that phrase stuck with me & I realized two things as I sat at my laptop.

1) The relapse isn't when we view porn & bust that nut. The relapse was way before that, it was in our minds when we started feeding the wrong wolf.

2) I realized which wolf I was feeding & probably had been feeding every time I relapsed.

"Do it", "Just a little bit", "You should check out that site", "Just a peek" my mind was overflowing with these little voices. Tiny whispers silent enough to go unnoticed in my unfocused state but loud enough to plant seeds of temptation in my head, till it grew into the flower of self disgust & crusty socks that is relapse.

I knew these whispers well, they'd made me relapse in the past because I let them go unchecked. But now, "Do it" was met with "No, I hate porn". "Just a little bit" was choke slammed by "Fuck that shit man, im better than this". "Just a peek" got kicked in the nuts by "No! I dont waste my time on porn anymore".

Back & forth the battle raged in my mind. How many times I had to counter negative thoughts in that short little span? No idea, I lost track after 30+.

Porn addiction is very real guys, anyone who says otherwise is full of shit & thats a fact.

Lucky for us however, its power lies in its subtlety, its ability to pull strings from behind the scenes, to feed the wrong wolf without our even knowing it, thus influencing our actions.

The next time you feel triggered notice your thoughts. Pull back the curtain of your mind & chances are you'll find your own little whispers feeding the wrong wolf.

Confront them & set yourself back on the right path lest ye be gobbled up whole.