How to begin reboot again

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Spitfirewho, Jan 31, 2019.

  1. Spitfirewho

    Spitfirewho Fapstronaut

    Couple months ago I had a 288 somthing day streak going and tossed it away. In that 288 days a lot of good happend and a lot of trauma happened. Blah blah blah. Now in the months since my failure I am having trouble keeping from relapsing on a weekly basis. I'm tired, depressed and dont have any of the resources I had a year ago to help with the rebooting process. The stress in my life is up and the weight of the world is starting to buckle my legs. 2 years ago I lost 120 pounds, now I'm back up nearly 60 pounds and feeling like shit about that too. I dont have access to my hobbies anymore and cant find a rhythm for success again. Disappointed in myself and getting worse.
     
    cool_fresh_88 likes this.
  2. Theseeker19

    Theseeker19 Fapstronaut

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    Hello Spitfirewho, What you did is absolutely remarkable 288 is a great thing but as you said that was in the past, Let me tell you one thing the person who made it to 288-day streak is still you so what I advise you to do right now is to go for a walk every day for 3 or four days and while walking ask yourself what made break my streak and why I feel that I can't resist my cravings for no more than a week ?, go in the direction of those negative feeling states instead of away from them so the next time you feel that urge to go to use porn instead of doing that, just sink down into that feeling that negative feeling state and you need to be unconditionally present with it this is the beginning of the integration.
    Become aware you have to become completely aware of what you are trying to escape from by using porn, the next time you feel the urge to watch it sit with the uncomfortable feelings as if you were exploring the sensation and try
    to identify what it is, also identify your triggers.

    YOU HAVE ALREADY MADE IT, just take a rest and do nothing but figuring out the triggers. GOOD LUCK
     
    ZenAF likes this.
  3. Spitfirewho

    Spitfirewho Fapstronaut

    I know what's making me relapse, I dont have any of the resources I had when I started my 288 day streak. I could sit and watch movies, tv, go to the theaters, sit in my workshop and build something, make a model kit, any number of hobbies stuff that I looked forward too more than porn. I have any of those things anymore. My home was stolen and I moved in with my girlfriend and her 2 daughters. All my stuff is in boxes and there is no room for anything of mine in her house. No money or room to build a workshop and I cant sit and watch TV or movies anymore because I dont have the space. I cant even go sit in a theater zen out like I used to, sitting in a dark movie theater was an insane meditation for me that is now gone because there us just no time. I'm bleeding financially because of the new bills and stuff causing me to work an insane level of overtime, I hate my job and relapse at work so my job does not help things and I'm too stupid to do anything else at 33. I get home every night and have a ton of housework that needs done because no one else is gonna do it and when I'm finally done it's to get 7 hours of sleep and get up again to do my shitty job. And because of where we live I sit in traffic for about 4 hours every day. So 4 hours traffic, average 12 hours of work every day to make bills, leaving only an hour or 2 for housework and then sleep. Nothing left to recharge the way I need to. Thus porn is the option to break up the shitty day, and the days just get longer, more stressful and even more shitty.
     
  4. cool_fresh_88

    cool_fresh_88 Fapstronaut

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    It's an inspiring story. Do you know the case, when you look at a thing from one perspective, it seems totally hopeless. And when you look at it from an outside perspective, it looks like a chance for a new beginning.
    I don't want to interfere in your private stuff, but I see you story really as a chance to change things.
    It definitely not easy! But you could maybe quit your job and look for a better one. Or maybe you should stay at the same job and start no pmo hard mode, although it's not easy.
    I think no pmo is the best choice in every aspect. Whatever problem humans beings have, pmo is not the solution. Stay clean, you'll feel the progress! You'll gain power and self-confidence. Maybe on day 21 your body tells you to go out for a walk instead of watching a movie. Maybe not..just try it out. No pmo is the best remedy for a lot of problems. With no pmo, you start a process which brings with it a lot of other advantages.
     
    Bluespace123 likes this.
  5. Spitfirewho

    Spitfirewho Fapstronaut

    Well quitting my job is not an option, its paying the bills, and while it had no benefits of any kind it's about all I can do, all I have done for 14 years. My.job has taught me that people suck, most people are just waiting to fuck you over and will at any opportunity. My only other dream job was making a living selling the things I made in my woodshop. My woodshop is gone forever and unfortunately there is no funds or space to build a new one, I'm gonna have to start selling the tools i had in my old shop here soon to continue to make bills and it took me a decade of work to get half the tools needed to have a woodshop, starting over is impossible financially.

    I dont see it as an opportunity, I see everything as people fucking people over for greed, laziness and lack of a moral code. Frankly I'm just waiting for the next person to fuck me over or my family over and given the damaging information my girlfriend was given over the weekend the hits just keep coming and keeps proving why I hate people so much.

    Eventually memory of my old life will fade and I will settle into my new life of working, hating people and trying to sleep. Things that brought joy will also fade with time and I will become as miserable as the rest of humanity just waiting to die.
     
  6. cool_fresh_88

    cool_fresh_88 Fapstronaut

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    How are things going? How is the process? Does no pmo help? Try the hardmode 30 days challenge. It will change your life.
     

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