How to care less about other people's opinion and praise/criticism?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Deleted Account, Oct 23, 2019.

  1. Hi guys,

    I realized how much of my actions are initialized because of me wanting to get praise from other people (and avoid criticism).

    My mind is sometimes full with "I should do that because then ... will like me/think good of me" or "Wow I did this so well, so ... will praise me for it" and so.

    This is often leaving me feel unwell while I do a task, because I constantly worry that I will mess something up - which will leave me with no praise but criticism. And when I am done with a task and don't get the praise my mind becomes toxic.

    It works the other way too, that when someone praises me I get drawn to him/her. Then I want to do it even better the next time and interpret too much into the praise. (As they might simply wanted to be nice to me)

    What are some thoughts/ideas you had to overcome this behaviour?
    Anyone with similar experiences?

    Thanks in advance :)
     
  2. Sherlock_Poems

    Sherlock_Poems Fapstronaut

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    Hear you man. I'm the same way. My family found out about all the stuff I did and now I'm in a dark place. I grew up in a very strict religious house where we hid everything. It was more important to "appear" good then to actually be good.
    We'll I can't hide it now and it's hard. I never want to see them again and they arnt speaking to me either.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  3. I think the best way to achieve this is to care more about your own wants, needs, and desires. Start thinking about why you are doing what you're doing and how it will benefit and uplift YOU. It may sound selfish but it's only negative if you are harming others in pursuit of your goals.
     
  4. Just take me for an example. I don't care at all anymore about people's opinions.
     
  5. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    Practice by wearing a red MAGA hat in a leftist town.
     
    brilliantidiot likes this.
  6. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    its s fucking good that you got rid of the peeps who constantly put you down, man! Kudos to you! You deserve better!
     
  7. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    IMHO

    What your describing is a situation call fusion. Having to be connected to another person. It requires a person be affirmed to ensure they are validated... For example, if I'm a racist, I have to be affirmed I'm right in my belief. I have to be liked.

    In real life, not everyone will like you, no matter what you do. It's much more important to become yourself and LIKE yourself. I tend to "cut up" more at work than others who are more business-like. Not everyone appreciates that nor likes it. But, that's who I am and I'm fine with others and their ways as well.

    Read up on-line fusion, self validation, other validation.

    Be yourself. Accept success and failure. Live life.
    Cheers,
    HF
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2019
    Sherlock_Poems likes this.
  8. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    As long as you'll care what others think of you or your actions, you'll be their slave. Constantly seeking approval and chasing of perfection is a highway to low self-esteem and fuel to addiction. You can't control what others think of you, so why bother? The only two things you can possibly have control over are your own thoughts and actions.
    You need a mindset change. Try adopting "I know I will never achieve perfection, so I'll just try to do my best in a present moment; if I do my best, treat myself and others the best I can, there can be no low self-esteem, self-hatred, self-incrimination or anger," mentality. Happiness is inside of you, it has always been, you just need to rediscovered it. Don't chase it in outside confirmations, it will only make you miserable. Herd mentality is not the way you wanna follow if you want to find inner peace.

    Here is a post I made on the topic:

    HOW TO LOSE CONTROL - WE CAN ONLY CONTROL OUR OWN THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

    This is work in progress, something that you work towards.
    Some events are just beyond our control. We can't control certain things even if our mind thinks it can. If you believe you can, that causes stress, anxiety, depression, loss of self-worth.
    We believe that people don't like us, that we can never live up to their expectations or our own expectations. We make this negative stories up in our minds that are just not true. These stories become self-fulfilling prophecies (if you believe you can't do something or if you believe you can do something you're right both times). Stop making these stories in your head because they're not true. YOU ARE WORTHY Living life is a miracle.


    Marcus Aurelius (STOICISM):
    There are only two things you can possibly control:

    1) your THOUGHTS 2) your ACTIONS
    You can't control what people think of you nor how they behave or big problems in society etc.
    Dr. Wayne Dyer, Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle all use the same formulas as Marcus Aurelius 2000 years ago was using in his philosophy os stoicism
    How to begin controlling your thoughts and actions? Be in the present moment

    Future doesn't exist, but we're still constantly projecting ahead in the future how we'll fail, that we can't possibly achieve this, achieve that...
    Then we look back into out past experiences and using those to make other pictures and stories in our heads that just aren't true.
    The only way that we can begin to stop this is to be in the present moment. It's really, really difficult to da that.
    Become a watcher of your thoughts. If you can notice when certain negative thoughts come to your mind, the more power you will have to control them.

    _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
    [​IMG]

     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2019
    Handzfree likes this.
  9. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Fenix riding nailed it... much better than my post. We can only control ourselves and no one else.
     
    Fenix Rising likes this.

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