How to change the way I think of girls and relationships?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Hopingforchange, Aug 8, 2019.

  1. Hopingforchange

    Hopingforchange Fapstronaut

    Hello everybody, so I will make this kinda quick I've been addicted to pornography since I started watching I guess like around 13 or so.
    Quickly went up to watch crazy shit, I had a girlfriend whom I lost because my excessive sexualization of the women. I cheated numerous times with other women while with her, I didn't care if they were old or fat or uglier than my girlfriend I did it anyway. Just because I had that need to feel better about myself saying o look I was able to get laid tonight it was like a hit of slefsteem everytime I could get a girl.
    After we broke up because I was realizing how much fucked up the relationship was and how she didnt deserve that I went on trying to get my shit together but actually started on a down spiral, drinking a lot, doing drugs, and masturbating a lot.
    Tha final moment came on January this year when I was so horny and all I could think was about sex that I hired a prostitute, and I fucked her and literally only lasted for 30 seconds (this had been a problem in previous occasions, not being able to get hard or coming too quickly) and I'm only 20, so I investigated how this could changed and discovered nofap.
    I started doing it but because my motives where selfish and all I was trying to do was to get girls and last longer I didn't last more than 21 days.
    After that I kept trying but failed and started again in my old habits of 2 or 3 faps per day.
    In the start of March I decided to give up all drugs Inclyding alcohol and cigarettes.
    I kept going with the masturbating tho, I got laid a couple of times and it was good sex but kept masturbating.
    So this July after being all June fapping like crazy because I broke my leg and I was all the day doing nothing, I went to the beach with my friends and realized that it was so frustrating my thinking.

    So basically all I could think was sex, sex and getting a fuck friend or a girlfriend, but it was crazy I was sexualizing all women and in the process of trying to get a woman all of them rejected so I felt even worse and I needed more to get a women to feel better with myself.
    I realized I didn't want a girlfriend, I just wanted to fill a void, a emptiness in me, I wanted girls to feel better about myself and it was all too frustrating.
    So I decided to change my life again, and this time for real in the hopes of changing my mentality I decided to do nofap hard mode for 90 days.

    Now currently I'm in day 35, I'm feeling much better, weird fetiches and sexual fucked up thoughts have leave me. I've got more energy I'm more happy I've got more discipline, I'm eating healthy on a diet, aiming for a 10% body fat instead of the 17% I have now. I'm exercising regularly.
    I truly feel happy BUT..

    My thoughts about girls have not change, I said I was gonna be not only 3 months with no sex but I was gonna be all the time that was possible with out sex until I found a real connection, I do not mean a girlfriend, I don't care if it's a one more stand as long as I have some background with the girl I wanna take things slower, so if this takes me 1 year so be it.
    Now the problem is that everytime I go out, I forget about it(not because of the alcohol because I don't drink anymore) and all I want to do is hook up with somebody random and fuck her.
    And as the night passes I lower my standards to girls that I would never touch. (I am a good looking guy, 190cm strong etc)
    Now I've seen some improvements the other day a friend of mine whom I fucked before wanted to fuck me but I declined because I just didn't want to, I see her as a friend an nothing else. And also another girls wanted sex 2 weeks ago and also declined because she is the type of girl that's not hot and has fucked everyone and is always with something and i thought that due to my neediness of feeling wanted if I actually fucked her I might start something more with her just to fill the void. So I declined.

    In general, I can talk better to girls. Specifically I've got no problem in talking to girls I don't feel atractive but every girl that I feel atractive and that I would fuck I still get super nervous in my head and make the conversations super awkward.

    My question is, Will this pass? I'm planning to get to day 90 and keep going but will this thought of neediness for having someone or hooking up just to fill a void and feel better about myself will it pass? Also will I ever be able to talk to atractive girls not being awkward or sexualizing them just making them my friends and not wanting to fuck them just because.
    I feel great improvements but not in that area and that area is why I started nofap, and trust me I think about it everyday, and try to convince myself, stay out of sex find real connection with people, you don't need a girlfriend to be fully happy, you don't need to fuck hot girls to get more slefsteem. But it doesn't work.
    What do you guys think, and please, don't tell me all bullshit about focus on money or on my career and girls will come, I'm focused in other things, in my health in my body, in my career I'm doing great doing great in school also I just want to be the way I was, being able to talk to everybody to be friends with girls and then if I'm friend with a girl and something else comes okay but not going to be needy about it.

    Ps:I decided to not get any girl till I change my attitude towards them, since it won't be fair to fill A void with somebody just because,, so till I'm Able to control my thoughts and to feel truly happy just being bymiself im not planning on going back to the date market.
  2. Hopingforchange

    Hopingforchange Fapstronaut

  3. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

    I kind of know what you mean. I feel like this will change over time. Once you remove sources of sexualization to more of treating woman as human beings and there is no timelines for this. The sex factor will always exist since we are men. But I feel like once you can control the need to fap and combine that with actively changing how you view women in your daily life it will happen with time
  4. Fighterspirit

    Fighterspirit Fapstronaut

    One thing you said is good man don't do the nofap for girls instead do it for fun for example if you could give yourself a gift every week you succeed doing nofap it would help best thing is forget woman for a time

    if that doesn't help do prayer find god praying is like meditation lord is the one helping me in this moment!! cheers man

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