How to check whether you're cured from death grip and PIED?

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Ogawavin, Nov 20, 2021.

  1. Ogawavin

    Ogawavin Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    I'm 36 y/o who's had a long history with P... started when i was like 15 or so all the way to this year. I first had sex when i was 21 or so and i didn't feel anything. Back then i didn't associate it with PM and kept on PMOing at home everyday.

    When i was married i had a hard time keeping my erection, but i blamed it on the bad relationship and how it made me lose all attraction to her (she was abusive). 2020 i got divorced and it was just a massive shitstorm in my life... 2021 finally hooked up with a girl and when we were having sex for the first time, i can barely keep it up for 3 minutes. And this went on few times... at that time, i blamed it on my depression. Then i tried to take the blue pill and i managed to get it up for approximately 5 hours, i can't even O normally at that moment, had to finish it with my hand.

    So i googled and came across an article in reddit about death grip and further research led me to this forum and taught me about PIED...

    I'm currently 30+ days without PMO. I'm just wondering if there's a method to check whether i'm cured from the death grip and PIED? i mean, should i just hire a prostitute to just check? I'm currently in a relationship and i don't really want my gf to know that i have both death grip and PIED so i don't want to do anything with her until i'm cured... but hiring a prostitute when i'm in a relationship feels so wrong... hope there's a method?

    Thanks peeps!
     
  2. adamexe

    adamexe Fapstronaut

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    I'm curious though, if you're in a relationship and you're 30+ days out, with a girlfriend whom you don't want to know you have these issues, and don't want to do anything with her until you know it's fixed... what have you been telling her for 30+ days?

    From here I would say you probably risk much more by doing stuff with a prostitute than by telling your girlfriend what's up. Also you don't have to tell her everything, or even that it's about porn. Tell her you have had this medical issue and you're working through it, so at least she knows what's going on with you. In my opinion if you feel bad about doing stuff with a prostitute in her back and you do it, it'll haunt your relationship forever. You'll be putting yourself in a position to have to lie to your gf forever. Don't do that.

    As for knowing if it's fixed, I can't help you. I believe there is no magic number and it probably won't be a black/white thing. For PIED, as for any addiction, I believe you have to accept that porn is over for you. I know very little of PIED in particular, but I've known many people with addiction problems and in general, you can't truly cure an addiction so long as you're thinking of it in terms of regaining "control" over it, as in, I'll deprive myself of it for some time, and then I'll be able to use it in a more reasonable fashion. You can't. The path engraved too deep in your brain. As soon as you get that pattern going, it'll engulf you again in no time and you'll have to start over. This vulnerability will always exist in you. Don't wait out hoping for the moment you can finally re-use responsibly.

    As for the death grip, I think it's mostly about being diligent about not doing it. What you want to do is condition yourself to like other things. From my own experience, not with death grip but with other stimuli, I believe it can happen rather quickly, you just need to allow it to happen. In particular, you need to build the belief that some stimuli other than that grip can allow you to finish. As time goes without a fap, you'll probably get more and more sensitive. Forget the death grip, just let your girl play with it or whatever. Focus on the sensation she's giving you rather than wandering into other fantasies. Communicate with her, tell her what feels good and what doesn't. Accept that you might not cum some of the times so as to shed the pressure of doing it. Don't be angry or disappointed about it, just try to see it as part of your process. Eventually it will happen and just knowing that some sensation can lead to it will make it happen more and more easily. At least that's been my experience with similar issues.
     
    seanc likes this.
  3. Ogawavin

    Ogawavin Fapstronaut

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    I havent actually told her anything as she wants to take things slow. So for now sex is off the table. And i believe it’ll be off the table for quite some time, which is perfect for me.

    i read somewhere about using fleshlight as a method of curing death grip since its closer to the real thing as opposed as using our own hand. I will probably try it after i reach day 45.

    Thanks for your input regarding the prostitute and i agree with it. I think i should just keep doing what i’ve been doing and hope for the best i guess. though it gets easier to stay away from M the longer i stay away from it.
     
  4. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    You shouldn't need to test, in my experience it all just came back one day without doing anything. I would get rock hard just from looking at the wall. Think back to when you were a teenager, you didn't need to do something to feel horny, you just were. That's how it will feel when your libido and sensitivity comes back. For me it took 60 days but if I were you I would just accept the situation and carry on with what you're doing now at least until day 90.
     
    seanc likes this.
  5. Ogawavin

    Ogawavin Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man! 90 days it is then. Now i sometimes wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning getting hard… i take that as a positive indication that I’m heading into the right direction (i hope)
     
  6. seanc

    seanc Fapstronaut

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    I would stay away from the fleshlight too. It may be close to the real thing but it still isn't the real thing. I would stay on track if I were you and put all sex out of your mind unless it is with a partner. PMO does not exist from here on out. Do or die!
     
  7. Ogawavin

    Ogawavin Fapstronaut

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    Challenge accepted! 90 days no PMO unless its with a partner then!

    thanks a lot for the words of encouragement guys! This means a lot to me!
     
    BertrandR likes this.

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